Wednesday, November 17, 2010

There are far worse traits my kids could've inherited....

If there's anything I dislike, it's when my kids can't make even the simplest of decisions.

I mean, seriously...is choosing between a PB&J sandwich or a hotdog for lunch really a life and death decision.  I think not. 

Yet, they sit there and hem and haw between the 2 choices and then it never fails....they ask for something that I never even mentioned!

"We want a tortilla with cheese!", they'll demand.  Or chicken nuggets...or ham and cheese. 

As if that was one of the options?!  As if I'm a short-order cook?  Uh, no.

Then I sit there and complain to Tim, "Where on earth do they get this indecisiveness from?!  I can't stand it...waiting for them to make a final decision on something is downright painful for me.  As if world peace depends on this ONE freakin decision?!"

His response?  Nothing, because....well, what can he say?  He's learned when I'm complaining that he should just keep his mouth shut.  His chances for survival depend on it...that, and having sex again.

So picture it...Bella and I went out for dinner the other night.  Just us girls...out for sushi.  Yes, my daughter has expensive taste...that's the one thing she never has any problem deciding on.  The choice between McDonald's or sushi is easy for her. 

After dinner, we went across the street to Trader Joe's to buy our Thanksgiving turkey.    Last year, I got a 15-lb turkey and I was super disappointed that we barely had any leftovers.   So I was gonna make sure to get a bigger one this year.

We spotted the turkeys in the refrigerated section and almost right away I found two that I could work with...one was 17.5 pounds and the other was 18.75 pounds. 

"Hmmmm," I asked outloud.  "Which one should I get?"

Bella examined them both and pointed to the 18-lb turkey.  "Get that one."

"Really?  You don't think it's too big?  I don't know", I said.

She bent down closer to the turkeys.  "Mommy, they're both close in size...just get this one," she responded, pointing to the 18-lb turkey.

Sighing, I said, "Okay, let's get the bigger one".  I placed the turkey in our cart and we continued shopping.

A few minutes later, I eyed the huge turkey and said, "Bella, I think we should just get the 17-lb turkey.  I don't know, I think this one may be too big".

She nodded her head in agreement and we turned around and went back to the refrigerated section to swap turkeys.

I grabbed the 17-lb turkey and put it in our cart.  "There", I said.  "I think that'll be the perfect size.  Don't you?"

Bella smiled and said, "Yeah.  It's perfect".

We were almost to the check-out counter when I began to have second thoughts. 

"Okay, I think maybe the 18-lb turkey would be better.  This one looks kinda wimpy compared to the bigger one", I announced to my daughter, who was obviously tired and wishing we could go home. 

"Let's just go grab the 18-lb turkey again and we'll get out of here, I promise," I pleaded with her.

We got over to the turkey section and I stood there for a few seconds, visually comparing the two turkeys.   I hadn't realized how long we had been standing there until Bella yawned. 

"I just can't decide between the two," I explained.

Right then, one of the TJ's staff came over to me and asked, "Can I help you find something?"

With the hopes of returning home quickly, Bella answered, "My mom can't decide between the 17-lb turkey and the 18-lb turkey."

The guy looked at me and said, "Well, there's only a 1-lb difference between them.  I think you'll be fine with either one, honestly".

"Actually," I said.  "There's a 1.25 lb difference between them.  That's like one and a half portions right there!"

He looked perplexed and I saw him shoot Bella a look of sympathy.  He didn't think I noticed but I did.  What kind of crappy customer service is that, people?

"Uh, how many people are you having over for dinner?" he asked.  Seems like a normal question to ask when considering how big of a turkey to buy, right?

I squinted my eyes at him and answered, "Okay, well, technically, there will be 11 of us.  BUT, 4 of those are little kids...so they really only count as 2 people.  You know, cuz they won't eat a lot.  Then there's my mom and stepdad who have both had gastric bypass surgery so they can't eat much so they really only count as ONE person.  But sometimes my mom has difficulty stopping when she's full so she may eat more than her portion.  I don't know.  It's a toss up, really."

I paused long enough to take a breath and continued.

"Okay, and then I have my mother-in-law who doesn't really eat.  She drinks beer and smokes cigarettes, that's her thing.  But she may want to take some turkey home to eat later...and then sometimes my father-in-law will want to take some home for leftovers.  So, you see my dilemna...."

The guy interrupted and said, "Just get the 18-lb turkey.  You can never have too much turkey left over, right?"

"Hmmmm, " I replied, mulling this over.  But he had already scurried away...probably to go in the break room and bang his head against a wall.

I traded the 17-lb turkey for the 18-lb one.  He was right.  No such thing as too much turkey left over.

While we waited in the check-out line, I must have had a look of confusion on my face because Bella inquired, "Mommy, do you want to go back and get the other turkey?"

"Yeah, you know what...I do.  I just don't feel good about the 18-lb turkey...like it's giving me bad vibes or something.  I think the 17-lb turkey would be a better choice."

We walked back to the turkeys and, once again, traded them out.   I might have been paranoid but I noticed that most of the TJ staff was avoiding eye contact with me. 

Heck, the guy who rang up our order didn't even bother to ask if I found everything okay or whatever they're supposed to ask so they appear to be interested in you.  I'm sure they just wanted me the hell out of their store.  Whatever.

Clearly, they lack the understanding of how important turkey size is.  Unlike me, however, who truly gets this essential part of the Thanksgiving meal.

Bella and I strolled our lovely 17-lb gobbler out to the car and drove home.  I showed Tim the turkey and explained how difficult it was for me to decide on which turkey to get.

He made the mistake of saying, "Sweetie, it's only a 1 pound difference..."

"Oh no, don't even go there with me right now....", I whined.

Under his breath, I could've sworn I heard him mutter, "And you wonder why the kids are so indecisive...."

Yeah, okay.  I'll give him that.  Maybe they do get it from me. 

But, when you think about it, that's not necessarily a bad trait to have, right? 

I mean, when you consider some of the traits they could've inherited from him...annoyingly clearing their throats every 20 seconds, chewing with their mouths open, suffering from chronic forgetfulness...

...it could be so much worse.



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37 comments:

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates said...

Super funny post! My vice is that I tend to read everything on the labels and that drives my husband insane! My opinion is that you never can know too much about what you eat! LOL!

The Mother said...

I completely disagree. You can, yes, have too much leftover turkey.

I really, really don't understand indecisiveness. I just can't figure out why.

Yellow said...

I love that they didn't get worse traits from him LOL

Hope thanksgiving is great for you!

Creative Junkie said...

OMG, I am so like this. Can't make a decision to save my freaking life. I always have the best of intentions of getting in and out of a store quickly and then *bam* I'm faced with a decision between two colors and before I know it, I'm stuck out in analyze/paralyze land with a flat tire and a dead cell phone.

purpleowl said...

Hillarious

heather@it'stwinsanity said...

It's too. much. pressure!

I'm convinced that I'm so indecisive because all of my brain activity is reserved for taking care of children. So when it comes to simple decisions (what to wear, what to make for dinner, etc.) I just stand there looking lost and confused.

Charlene said...

See, that's why I'm glad I just get my free turkey at work and deal with it. LOL! It's only the 8 of us here anyway.

You can always make turkey pot pie, my family's favorite way to eat leftover turkey, if you have too much...you can freeze it for another day.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LOL!

I'm the same way. And so are my kids!

Eva Gallant said...

I love it! but I would have opted for the 18 lb. turkey....you can never have too many leftovers!

Jen said...

You should have gotten a 20 pounder. There done. Turkey leftovers for life.

Donna said...

Nooooooooooooooooo!! Not indecisive-ness!! My stomache is all in knots remembering the HOURS, maybe even DAYlong trips into the dressing room with my mother. She would describe the perfect dress to a TEE that she was looking for. Then, she'ld find it, put it on, say - "Yes, this is it, but I just want to look at EVERY OTHER dress in the MALL to be sure!" For real? Oh. My. God. For REAL!?! Then, she'ld buy FOUR dresses and make me look at her in them for weeks before the event. EACH time asking which one she should wear. Oh. My. God. For real!?!

lol!! It's a wonder I don't run around naked!

Signed, the quickest draw on any decision to be made out there!

I'll take the throat clearing, anytime

Or

Maybe I won't

Maybe I will

Maybe I won't

;-)

LucidLilith said...

Wow you sound just like my boyfriend!!! He deliberates over every little issue as if he were in a court of law. I just love the "inni, mini mani moe" system I have going.

Rob said...

LOL. Very funny post. Anyway he was right it is only a 1 lb difference plus you can make a ton of different items with leftover turkey. That is funny that the TJ staff would look at you. Classic. Glad you finally decided on a turkey.

Nezzy said...

I'm an in and out kinda of gal...way to spastic to take time to contemplate such important decisions. You never fail to crack me up girl! Enjoy your 17lb. turkey!

God bless ya and have a most marvelous day sweetie!!!

Aimee said...

Very funny and THANK YOU for commenting on my humble blog...I feel just like Kate Middleton right now...no seriously!

Kim said...

One pound . . . when there's not enough meat to make that one last turkey sandwich you're craving, you'll have only yourself to blame.

MiMi said...

Bahahahaha!! This is me. I'm SO indecisive. I'm better off if I have to go by myself to do things sometimes, or I'll rely on the other person to help me and I will NEVER get done. And they get tired of telling me what to do. lol

adrienzgirl said...

I seriously sat here giggling at you. My son who is 8 talks. A LOT. Really he never stops talking. Even in his sleep. Always talking. He asks ridiculous questions too. A LOT of them. I was complaining about his blathering to my husband because he is always rambling off useless facts he reads at school, and hubs looks at me, deadpan face and says..."imagine a world where there are two of you."

It took me a minute. He was talking about me! *sigh* I guess they get it honest.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

Oh, man. You REALLY should've gotten the 18 pounder.
(shaking my head....)

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha, I second guess myself all the time.

And now I want some turkey.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

You know what you should've done??? Let Bella pick it out with the promise you wouldn't switch or have second thoughts.

My daughter is like that when it comes to places to eat. I finally just choose because if not, we'll be sitting in the car with the motor running.

purseblogger said...

LOL! This is so like me. SO MUCH! You are hilarious girl and I love your blog. You write so dang well. :)

ModernMom said...

LOL It is amazing what they learn from us....and you are right, it could be worse:)

Sandra said...

It could always be much worse! Good attitude! haha!

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Ha! Yep, this is me, exactly! I cannot make a decision to save myself. I actually {gasp!} turn to my oldest daughter most of the time for help with everyday decisions. I guess I just don't want to be the one everyone blames when things don't work out ;)

Zeemaid said...

Okay I can be indecisive but you really take the cake!! Maybe I'm just lazy cause there is no way I would have gone back 3 times to trade Turkeys... especially over 1.25 pound difference. Kudos to Bella for being so patient. *LOL*

Jenny said...

LOL, so many times I have gone back and forth with items while trying to decide!

I was LOL about your description of the family coming for dinner!

Rebecca said...

This is great...it's like looking in a mirror sometimes, right?

Buckeroomama said...

Wow, Bella is so much more patient than J would ever be! He would have royally annoyed with me and would probably put me in my place.

Crossed Fingers said...

haha - I was just talking to my dad about this last night. He's a chef and I'm hosting a small Thanksgiving dinner this weekend so I asked him about size.

He told me to remember that half the weight of the turkey is bone! Good to know! So for 6 adults and two kids, I'm getting a 15 pounder. Leftover turkey will be welcomed!

The Lane Family said...

I love turkey and I am with you I just do not think you can have to much. We love turkey enchilada's and turkey and noodles and so many other fun things!!!

Alisha said...

haha, that was great! Its been a long time since I was on here, and the posts are still hilarious!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Helene! I can't stop laughing! Especially AFTER the conversation with the TJ guy, and explaining it all! THis was awesome!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

HAHAHAH!!!!

Emily is going through that phase and it is driving me insane!

Do you want a Sprite or a Chocolate milk.

She takes a sprite and then when it comes, she doesn't want it. She really wanted the chocolate milk.

GRRRRR!!!!!

shortmama said...

Its hard to decide on the right sized turkey! Im the most indecisive person too!

Amy W said...

Too funny! I can name two of my close friends who have problems with indecisiveness. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but it drives me absolutely bananas!!!! PICK ONE ALREADY!! (Oh sorry, did I say that out loud?)

Six Feet Under Blog said...

I just went through that myself-and my kids do get that from me!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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