Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Dear Jersey Shore Cast...guest post courtesy of The Literal Mom

Today's entertaining guest post comes to you from the beautiful and talented Missy at Literal Mom.

You know how when you stumble upon a blog for the first time and after reading merely a few paragraphs of one of the posts, you feel instantly drawn in?  Kind of like coming home after a long vacation?   You feel an overwhelming connection to this blogger, as if you've been lifelong friends, and you just know if you were to get together in person, your friendship would be the kind where you finish each other's sentences.

That's how I feel about Missy.  I ran across her blog one day and have not stopped reading since.

She is a devoted wife to her loving husband and the mother of two precious daughters, as well as an active community volunteer, an advocate for childhood education and a leader in several community organizations.

Not only is Missy witty, funny and incredibly sweet, she writes with such purpose and honesty. She's not afraid to put her thoughts and experiences on parenting out there for the world to read.  Missy writes about things that some of us are afraid to admit, such as when our kids get hurt and we get more caught up in what others think of our parenting skills rather than our injured child.

She has helped me to become a better mother....a THINKING mother, which is the whole point behind Literal Mom. 

I hope you enjoy this hilarious guest post from her!  And after reading it, please leave Missy some comment love and then go to Literal Mom and be sure to subscribe! 

Dear Jersey Shore Cast 

The-jersey-shore-cast-strikes-a-poseI want  to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you've done to change pop culture and how our yutes today view their role in society and, more specifically, drinking establishments.

My husband and I recently went out on New Year's Eve with some good friends of ours.  Good friends whom we've had copious amounts of alcohol in public places  socialized with before.  So we know each other and like to "have each other's backs," much like you do when you go out to find out who's DTF for the evening.

And that raises my first "thank you" of this letter.

The DTF What a witty way to describe a woman who's willing to engage in what we used to call a "one-night-stand."  I think it's really quite ingenious of you to incorporate it not only into your lingo with each other, but to use it as a pick up line!  What better way to learn if a woman is "DTF - down to fuck" than by asking her!

I understand how a man wants to know the end result of his evening's work.

Being a married woman myself, I'm sure my husband greatly appreciates that I'm a sure bet on our nights out.  Or DTF, as you would say. I think, though, if I have one bit of advice, it would be to recognize that I am not DTF to YOU.  I am DTF to my HUSBAND.  Therefore, if you come up and start the DTF dance on me (see below) and my husband taps you on the shoulder and says, "That's my wife," your response should not be "I don't see a ring on her finger."

And when he takes said ringed finger and shoves it in your face so that you do indeed see it, your next response should not be, "Yeah, well, she's dancing. It looks like she likes it to me."

That kind of thing doesn't go over well with a married man of 14 years whose wife drank too much and is now dancing like it's still the 80s enjoying a night out with his wife.

To the ladies in regard to DTF, how nice it is for YOU to not have to worry about the mixed signals you may send through the evening.  Now, thanks to the Jersey Shore men, you have the chance to answer yes, no, or maybe later when asked if you are DTF.

Which brings me to my second reason to thank you:

DTF Dancing.  I really like how you've taken dancing to the next level.  I love how you double team drunk girls (I'm quite sure it's to help them stand up from massive alcohol consumption and has nothing to do with an animalistic desire to have a 3-way with her) and I love how you've taken things that used to be left for the bedroom and exposed them for public consumption!

How I would have loved to be in college and have a guy I barely knew come up behind me, grasp my hips and start rubbing his money maker all over my booty.  Really, really a boost in confidence that most girls need.  

And to the girls, I love the outfits you wear to both encourage booty dancing and make it easier to booty dance effectively.

Which brings me to my next reason to thank you.

The Booty Dress.  Your dresses!  My have they shortened in the past several years!  That must be so helpful to the men who want to DTF with you.  And that's so nice of you.  Recently I saw a particularly stunning booty dress.  It was so high and so tight, the wearer could show "crack" from the bottom, NOT the top.  Isn't that neat?  So she didn't have plumber's crack, she had booty dress crack.
And let me tell you, the men were loving it.

After 4 drinks too many Because I am a mother, I felt it only right to go and remind them that she is someone's daughter and maybe her parents wouldn't want to see you men reaching up under her dress and patting her crack-showing bottom.  But I didn't have to, because after it rode up even higher, arguably over her entire bottom, she must have felt the breeze, so she pulled it right back down where it belonged, just under the bottom of her bottom.  With a teensy little bit of crack hanging out.

Finally, my 4th reason to thank you.

The TMT.  Oddly, this acronym is close to TNT - dynamite.  The TMT is what I like to think of as Too Much Testosterone.  But I imagine it can also be the TME - Too Much Estrogen.

And you guys haven't even coined this acronym yet!  This one's all me.  You are welcome.  Just don't try to sue Abercrombie if they put it on a t-shirt - that's my job, K?

Anyway.  Back to TMT.  I really like how you, all of you, will fight with anyone, anytime, anywhere when alcohol, DTFs and Booty Dresses are in play.  And I got to see this phenomenon you've created first hand on New Year's Eve!

And that was so nice, because we didn't go out on New Year's Eve to have fun with friends, dance and ring in the new year together.  We actually did go out to see if we could re-create a Jersey Shore moment. And when so many of your proteges were on-location with us, our evening became a fait accompli.
All thanks to you.  The DTF.  The Booty Dress.  And testosterone.

So thanks again for all you've done for popular culture.  I CAN'T WAIT until my girls are old enough to learn from you first hand!


The Literal Mom Registered & Protected

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----Roseanne Barr

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