Thursday, February 10, 2011

I didn't want a personalized license plate anyway....

Out of the blue, one day a long time ago, Tim said, "Sweetie, I'm thinking about ordering you a personalized licensed plate".

"Really?" I asked. "Because I'm special and unique?"

"Uh, no..." he responded. "Something to do with twins..."

I paused and then said, "Why?  So there'll be an explanation as to why I'm driving so irradically?"

Needless to say, he never ordered me that personalized license plate.  But then again, how could I be upset when it was #4,587 on his list of things to do.  It wasn't exactly a priority, seeing that it's now the year 2011 and he's only on #3,246.

So, screw the personalized license plate.  I figure I'll just create a bunch of bumper stickers and place them all over my mini-van.

My own personal Helene'isms.


1)  Help someone in need....offer to babysit her kids.

2)  My kids made your honor student cry.  Shocked?  Don't be...they make ME cry all the time.

3)  Parenthood, it's not just a job, it's an adventure...one where you'll never sleep 8 hours straight again, EVER.

4)  Honk if you remembered to take your Wellbutrin today.

5)  Loud Noise?  What loud noise?  I can't hear you...my kids are screaming.

6)  I have kids...but will happily trade them for a good bottle of wine.

7)  Come on, you and I BOTH yell at our kids.  I just have no shame in admitting it.

8)   MY kids are the reason your teenager remembers to take her birth control pills.

9)   Know-it-all husband on board.  Yes, he's lost.  No, he won't ask for directions.

10)  I'm running away from home.  Don't bother calling 911.



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45 comments:

Real Life In A Minute said...

Cute! I love the one, "Don't call 911. I'm running away." Haven't we all felt that way...maybe for a couple minutes. Just kidding.....

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

#8 totally cracks me up. These are awesome. So much better than personalized plates ;-)

Ashley said...

I absolutely love these, they made my day.

Jen said...

LOL! LOVE these. I want them all on my van.

Carly said...

My Fav is #4..I hope all is well with your family. I have been missing in the bloggy world ever since my 3 lo came. Way to busy to blog ,much rather catch a nap. Anyway I'm back and missed your posts. Have a great Day!!

singedwingangel said...

BWHAHAHH I love the honor student one that was hilarious. You should go into business with these things you could make some good money speaking from a mom's point of view..

Gwen said...

#2 is my favourite. I would buy that and put it on my car! #8 is pretty good, too. Having said that, MY kids are the reason I remember to take MY birth control! You're welcome, World.

Brooke said...

"MY kids are the reason your teenager remembers to take her birth control pills"

replace "teenager" with "30-something" and you've got me spot on!

Shell said...

I was cracking up reading these! I so relate.

Stefenie said...

Once again you crack me up!! Thanks for always fidning the humor in motherhood!

Stef
http://www.whenlifehandsyouabrokenheart.blogspot.com

Nezzy said...

Geese Louise, I was feelin' a bit down today and popped in here. I guarantee I'm leavin' laughin' out-loud. I was just snortin' green tea out my nose and sprayin' the computer 'till I got to #8 and now I'm on the floor girl!!! You crack me up! :o)

God bless you day sweetie and may you find a moment to yourself. Closet maybe???? Heeheehhee!!!

Colleen said...

Thank you!
These made my day. I'm sick, kids are sick...and although the laughing has caused one hell of a painful coughing fit, I still love them! Great stuff. I can't even pick a fav, they're all great. :)

Eva Gallant said...

Those would be awesome bumper stickers! I'm still laughing!

Heather said...

Hilarious! I actually used #5 last night with my Grandpa. He said, "Do you hear that loud buzzing in my phone?" I said, "No, I can only hear Jule. I can barely hear you!"

Crossed Fingers said...

haha - I love those ideas...you should make a few of them.

Jenny said...

#4 had me LOL. Wouldn't that be funny to be driving and people honk at you.

Jayme said...

ROFL I love them!

This Daddy said...

You need to get off of the Politcal Correctness Bus, you know damn well you could have come a lot harder with these bumper sticker ideas. Helene, are you getting soft?

Missy said...

Love it! Can you make me some up to : )

Rhiannon said...

oh-my-godness... yes i love them all?

Samantha said...

LOVE number 4...amen!

Oh, and by the way, this is Samantha from Apple Juice and Milk. I have new blog now called "On the Couch". I haven't commented in a while, so I thought I'd re-introduce myself!

Yankee Girl said...

Number 8 is awesome!

Great list. They really make me look forward to motherhood!

Twins Squared said...

Very funny list! I definitely think you should do it! That would definitely make your minivan look even cooler to be littered up with crazy bumper stickers all over. :)

#5 is my favorite.

Rachel said...

Honk Honk... Zoloft that is!

Jenna said...

Hilarious!!!! You should patent those. Love #8!!

Kimberly said...

You are too much and I would totally sport all of those on my bumper.
Honk...I think I took my cymbalta in between shots of Jäger

Stephanie Faris said...

Some people at work have the cartoon over their desks that reads, "I keep hitting escape but I'm still here." That sums me up!

Zeemaid said...

love em all. I think you just hit a money maker! ;)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I like them all but especially 6 and 8.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I love it! Especially 8, 9, and 10.
I used to tell my niece that my kids were her birth control. She is now 23, getting married in June, and planning on having NO kids.
And to her I say, you're welcome.

Twinpossible said...

Your husband is doing pretty good. My hubby is only on #97, lol. By #6 I was in stitches. You are too much Helene!

The personalized plates would only make you more memorable to the person you cut off because you are jetting to a doctor appt. you are late for. Better off w/o it:)

Bottle of wine?..sounds good! I never hear any other noises when the kids are around. They are like fog horns. I hope the house won't burn down with us all in it. I won't hear the alarm.

Run away? I do twice a week for an hour, but it's still not quite enough, lol.

Great list girl. I love your posts. Hang in there, they will all be teenagers driving us crazy in different ways soon enough. Even the blasting of music, is more quiet and tolerable then screaming toddlers. Hang on friend.

xoxo Shelly

PS- My 5 yo on her own has protected many young women from unwanted pregnancies!

http://www.twinpossible.com/blog

MommaKiss said...

The running away one is So So me.  And the made your honor student cry. Heh.  Priceless. 

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

OMG! I love all of them, but you know the Wellbutrin one is all me!

The Mother said...

I'll go for #6.

Tiffany said...

Sweet! #4 and #8 are my favorites!

wife.mom.nurse said...

Classic Helene-isms!!!!!

You make me laugh so hard.

Even though I have not been blogging I have been over for my Helene fix at times :)

Thanks for the sweet comment :)

You are the best!

Karen Peterson said...

Those are hilarious!

You should print those and sell them.

Stuff could be worse said...

I love this, funny it is. Yes Moms never get to sleep 8 hours again. Husbands asking for directions, Lol
kim

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I will be the one hitting the ditch as I try to read these! Go you!

Aimee said...

My fav is the last one too! You make them, I will buy that one for sure!

Genny said...

Oh Helene, I loved #5! And what a small world. So glad to find your blog through MacaroniKids. Let's definitely keep in touch!

All my best,
Genny

The Boob Nazi said...

The post that was probably accidentally posted about 3 minutes ago... Wow. Powerful.

Shannon said...

Haha! I like #4.

I'm a new follower, by the way. :)

ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com

heather@it'stwinsanity said...

My license plate holder says "You can't scare me... I have two sets of twins!" LOL

Tiffany said...

Love 'em!!!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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