Sunday, March 13, 2011

The end of a wanna-be cake artist who desperately wanted to be Supermom....

It's official, people.  I'm done making cakes for my kids.

D. O. N. E.  

Done...as in never, ever again.

See, I'm putting it out here for everyone to see...just in case when October rolls around and I begin to chat about what I should make for Cole and Bella's birthday, you call can gently remind me about this blog post.

Hell, screw gentle reminders.  Slap me upside the head, yell obscenities at me...whatever it takes to bring me back to reality.

And the reality is that cake making is better left to the professionals...like Buddy, Duff, Martha.  You know, the ones who actually own businesses with the proper equipment, time, money and staff to whip up impressive cakes in a matter of a couple of hours.

I have to admit, though, when I got the initial bug up my ass to make a cake for the spawn, I was excited.  Especially more so because THEY were excited.

My mom never baked me a birthday cake.  Shit, I was lucky if she even remembered my birthday.  Oh, yeah, but she'll claim even to this day that "forgetting" my birthday was really just an April Fool's Joke.  Nice cover but I'm still not convinced.

Enough of wallowing in self-pity....Bitter, party of one?

So I had to set the bar high and try to prove to myself that I deserved the Supermom label that so many others seemed to have been blessed with, effortlessly, of course.

Believe it or not, I may have actually believed I really was Supermom at one point...until that day at the park awhile back when I was attempting to change Garrett's diaper and he would not stop screaming bloody murder.  Another mom finally came up to me and said, "Uh, I think he's crying because you have his feet above his head and the sand from inside his shoes is falling into his eyes".

Well, wouldn't you know it...she was right.  Yet another epic parent fail.  So much for fulfilling the dream of being Supermom.  I pretty much gave up but not before increasing my Wellbutrin dosage.

But, after that, I became angry and began to fight for my right to bear that coveted Supermom label...again.  

So I wasn't the designer sunglass wearing, skinny jean sporting, Cadillac Escalade driving mom.  Nor will I ever be.  I'm the $10 sunglass wearing, ponytail sporting, Toyota Sienna driving mom.  Still doesn't mean I can't be Supermom, right?

The pressure was on.  I had to find something that I was truly skilled at.  There was no way in hell I could lose 30 pounds in a couple of weeks by surviving solely on lattes from Starbucks...so being the "skinny Supermom" was out.  And forget being the mom who always smiles happily even when her kids are having a major meltdown in the middle of Target.  I'm too much of a grumpy bitch to get away with faking that act.

Yes, people...I am that one mom who has absolutely NO problem with yelling at a total stranger, "What the fuck are you staring at?!  Never saw a kid having a tantrum before?!"

Cake making just seemed like the logical choice.  It didn't involve me having to fake a smile and I didn't have to starve myself.

My first attempt at cake making was for Cole and Bella's 5th birthday.  I was so nervous that I forced a friend of mine to come over and help me.



By the time Garrett and Landon's 3rd birthday came around, I was feeling a little more confident, even though I probably shouldn't have been.  I decided I could wing it on my own without any help.



Then I offered to make a wedding cake for my stepdad's niece....because I didn't have quite enough stress and drama in my life.


For Cole and Bella's 6th birthday, I felt like it was time to take it up a notch and really go all out trying to impress my friends, most of whom had already achieved the title of Supermom.  I've always been a lagger, what can I say.



Even though I was still having nightmares about the Hannah Montana guitar cake from hell, I was convinced I was totally riding the wave.  The Supermom crown was within my reach, finally...again.

And then Garrett and Landon's 4th birthday was quickly approaching and they pleaded with me for a Superhero cake.  I mistakenly thought, "Easy-peasy.  I got this."

But then minutes turned into hours.  Hours turned into days.  The little amount of sanity I had left was dwindling and I found myself cackling hysterically at stupid little things, like Tim farting and the kids calling each other "ass-heads".  

I was cracking.  And it was obvious.  In the midst of it all, Tim belted out, "Why the hell do you keep doing this to yourself?  Just order a fuckin' cake from Costco and call it a day!"

Clearly, he didn't understand.  Mothers are so hard on themselves.  Sure, dads think nothing of ordering a store-bought cake and throwing a gift in a wrinkled gift bag with no card for their kids.

But, us moms....no, we have to go above and beyond because allowing our kids to ruin our bodies for an entire 9 months wasn't enough.  Heaven forbid our kids think we don't care about them, which will result in them developing poor self-esteem and spending their entire college career boozing it up and never calling home (unless they want money).  

As Tim stormed out the door with the spawn, whom I had pretty much ignored since Wednesday, I was left with a massive mess of Superheroes.

And, yes, I'm fully aware of the irony of it all.  The mom who wants to affirm once and for all that she is indeed Supermom...so she neglects her kids in order to bake the mother of all cakes to prove her love for them.   Whatever.

Finally, the Superhero cake was painstakingly complete, with a royal icing spider web and all....



The spawn came home from wherever Tim had dragged them off to and I was met with wide eyes and smiles..."Wow, Mommy, that is SO cool!!!"

I must admit it warmed my heart and soul, which might have begun to freeze over a little bit since hissing "What the fuck are you staring at?" to some nosy strangers at the park a few days prior.

After Garrett and Landon's birthday party on Saturday afternoon, they cuddled with me, offered tons of hugs and kisses and said their "I love you's" twice over and then some.

It was right at that moment that I realized I had been wearing the Supermom crown all along.  I was just too caught up in the race to notice it.  

Whether I had baked them a cake or bought one from the store, my kids weren't going to love me any less.  I'm going to create plenty of wonderful memories with them as the years go by so I needn't worry that something as simple as a cake is going to make or break my tight bond with them.

Even though I've forced them to lay still to change their diaper as sand falls from their shoes into their eyes, even as I'm nagging them endlessly to pick up their toys and even when I've left a kid or two in the bathroom crying because I've forgotten they were in there....

...my kids still think I'm Supermom, flaws and all.

I'm done making cakes for my kids.  I'm pretty sure we'll all survive, even sweet little Bella who already has her heart set on a Justin Bieber cake.

47 comments:

Wendy said...

Your cakes are awesome and inspiring! I have only attempted to make my son's birthday cake once and I will never do it again! I do not have the time or patience and the end result is never what I imagined it would look like. I make a cowboy boot cake for his 2nd birthday, it ended up looking more like a hooker boot!

Nobodys Nothings said...

your cakes are... incredible. amazing. absolutely gorgeous. BUT no amount of aesthetically pleasing sugary confection is worth the price of your sanity. :) one year, my daughter had lopsided cupcakes with plain vanilla frosting and Christmas sprinkles on the top. it was completely unintentional, but she loved it anyways. i suppose i set the bar pretty low... but i'm sure that your children will love their cakes, even if they're made by somebody else. :)

and BTW, you are definitely a Supermom, no matter where the cakes come from.

middle child said...

Your cakes? WOW WOW WOW!

teacher girl said...

YAY for you, Supermom!!! You are SO, SO, SO talented & HILARIOUS!!! Have a great week!

Donna said...

aww! How sweet is that!?! Yes, you are absolutely right - your kids DO think you are SuperMom!! And they're right! Once again, you amaze me with what you were dealt with in life and how you continue to grow and grow as a person to overcome the shit that was dumped on you. Truly, inspirational, woman!
I laughed out loud at the park/diaper/sand story! That's a classic! ;-)

Jen said...

It maybe stressful but DAMN girl, you are SO talented when it comes to cake.

Find a babysitter and make more cakes. You need to, its in your blood.

Merri Ann said...

I'm so happy you made that discovery. It seems to me I have made the same discovery (a couple of times)only to revert back to my trying to be supermom ways. I'm not sure why I never learn the lesson permanently.

I think it's worse now that I'm living in "The OC" :))

You did an amazing job on those cakes ... you should be really proud of yourself ...

Kimberly said...

Yup you're right. You should totally stop since your cakes aren't even that good....
Kidding. Hello? Those cakes are amazing. How did you not stab people when they went to cut into it. Theyre like mini masterpieces but better cause they're edible.
*handing over Supermom cake to you

SherilinR said...

you wrote this post to make the rest of jealous, didn't you? cuz it's working! i did cupcakes once & then last year tried a standard layer cake for my 8 yr old daughter & it looked like a huge pink pile of shit with streaky blue smudges that vaguely resembled her name.

Eva Gallant said...

I love reading your posts. But your birthday cakes are totally amazing. I can't believe you were able to come up with such professional-looking creations. But, enough already. Come October, relax and call the bakery!

sbswtp said...

Your cakes do come out awesome!!! :-) You are still my favorite blogger :-) I think you are totally a supermom! Have a great week :-)

Dysfunctional Mom said...

You may not be Supermom, but you are Super REAL Mom, and we all love you for that. And at least you have photographic evidence of those awesome cakes you made!

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Your cakes are gorgeous but I agree, the price for perfection is too high.

(then again, I made microwave cakes last year, smeared them with caramel and called it done :))

And I love that you use the top tier of the fruit basket for your meds - LOVE IT!

Reece Fox said...

Supermom, you have some serious artistic talent.

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Your cakes all look fantastic! I think you set that bar very high but am also pretty sure you are right about your kids thinking you are Supermom with or without homemade cakes. I'm so glad to hear they really liked them and showed their appreciation to you. That's the best! You rock!

Ms.Wasteland said...

I know the real reason you're quitting. You're latest creation is SO FABULOUS - you're afraid you can't top it.

Funny post and a gorgeous cake!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Your cakes are amazing. I've told you that before, but seriously, amazing!
And you are supermom, cakes or not. :-)

Gwen said...

I need a tutorial from you! I made my twinnies a Dora cake by icing it with green icing and sticking their Dora toys on top. My husband thought I was kidding. I wasn't.

I have tried soooo hard to be Super Mom, until I realised that my children are unappreciative of all my hard work, expect miracles every day, and I like them less when I am exhausted. And in reality, I will always be the Mom alone in the back of the room snickering to herself. If I'm lucky, I find a kindred spirit who is as bitchy as I am!

Cindy said...

You are already Super Mom to your kids - it's about time you realized it.
While your cakes are amazing and beautiful and painstakingly made (I envy your creative abilities), order some really cool cakes from Costco (they make every design you can imagine) and take those 3 days of baking, fondant-ing and decorating and 1)spend some FUN time with your birthday kids and 2)spend some FUN time for yourself.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

You set the bar for yourself too high. Those cakes keep getting awesomer & awesomer (yes that's a word, dammit). You are right about the kids though. And you are a SUPERMOM!

singedwingangel said...

OK so first let me begin by saying that I totally wanna slap you right now lol.. I could try for years and never come up with a cake like that, EVER.. sooo if you won't be making your kids cakes would you make me one?? PURTY PWEASEEEEEE

Shell said...

You did a fabulous job- but thank God we don't have to make cakes to be supermom...b/c I'd fail miserably.

Though, please tell me that you will find Bella a Bieber cake from a store- so that you can slice into him. Or maybe that's just my own little rage problem.

Mighty M said...

I am so glad I know so many creative people I can pay to do things I don't feel like doing. Like cakes. And crafts. etc.... Love the cakes!!

Ashley said...

Your cakes are fabulous! I wish I had your talent super mom. :)

MiMi said...

I think you said you were done last time??
LOL, you're like me, I have certain things that I HATE HATE HATE but I keep doing them. I just love the results so much!! You are so fabulous at this cake stuff!

Brooke said...

for the record? your cakes look awesome. but...i didn't care that my smurf cakes were store bought growing up. i know that my mom had procured them with love and that's all that mattered.

Nezzy said...

My mom decorated cakes and I can too. Sometimes I'd decorate the kiddos cakes but if I was pressed for time or that some big activity to head up in the classroom I'd buy a cake.

Your cake decorating abilities are amazin' sweetie but the 'spawn' aren't gonna love ya less or more if ya bake or buy the cake.

Honey, you ARE a supermom!!!

God bless and have a marvelous week my friend! :o)

María Agustina said...

Dear H,
You are my hero...totally. An overachiever...
I can´t believe you post this, I always loved your the Hannah Montana guitar cake from hell´s post.
And I shared the link with a facebook group I created of children cakes...it´s in spanish, but your cakes are sooo beautiful, and what you say...I know you´ll be baking another cake before I finish writing this comment.
María

Jenna said...

With talent like that I doubt it, ha ha ha. Your so going to make a cake again, just think each year that goes by it will be easier and easier cause the kiddos will be older and older. before you know it you will be opening your own cake shop!! Love it, seriously love it!

shortmama said...

Your cakes are amazing...but I totally get where you are coming from. We forget to just slow down and enjoy the little moments!

Sandra said...

Oh puleeze, you've already won the Supermom title with those masterpieces! You now deserve retirement from the cake-making aspect of motherhood so those of us who do order cakes from the grocery won't feel so completely insignificant and worthless. Just think of it as doing the world a favor. You are actually now a philantropist. See, that's even better than Supermom.
Those cakes are gorgeous!

Amanda said...

I too get caught up in trying to be supermom and feel the need to make a confectionary masterpiece, although mine don't turn out half as good as yours! I think you've already one the title so now order away...

MommaKiss said...

holy carp! you're talented!! i love cake. a lot. pretty cakes? even more.

Karen Peterson said...

You definitely make some amazing cakes, my friend!

But, yeah, your kids are going to love you just as much if the cake comes from Costco.

Although I do have some fond memories of a few cakes my mom made for me.

Rebecca said...

Oh Gawd...a Justin Beiber cake??? YIKES!

Yes, you are Supermom.

Undernehr said...

Those cakes are amazing! I hope to make a cake as amazing as one of yours someday. You're definitely way more of supermom than me.

blueviolet said...

Are you freakin' kidding me? Don't you even think about stopping. You have serious cake making talent. You could have a business!

Zeemaid said...

awwwwww. I love your cakes. I can't believe you make one for each. Which I think is awesome and what makes you such a great mom and yup... kids love us no matter what kind of cake they get for their birthday... unless it's dog food and then I can just imagine what your brood would have to say over that. *LOL*

While I think your cakes are awesome and very talented, I don't think it's worth it to stress yourself like crazy over it. Unless you dig the stress? ;)

Twins Squared said...

First of all, your cakes are incredible! Each one of them amazes me!

I think you are incredible too. You know, I am constantly comparing myself to the supermoms too. I hate them. People tell me I'm one too, but I'm not the supermom that I am thinking of. Yes, we are both SUPER moms. But maybe we are not the coveted "supermom" and I think that's okay. I posted an article a while back someone else shared about how supermoms are dying off. Thank goodness! I prefer to be real. And Helene that is what I like about you.

And one more thing, that mom who noticed the sand falling in his eyes has doubtfully done the juggling act of two sets of twins that you have done. So who is to say all these supermoms are any better? Hardly any of them have been given the load you have. They may not have been able to do it all in that same scenario either. I think like you I will be trying to make up for it over the next several years as things get a little less crazy. I guess that's what mommy guilt does to us.

Anyway, I think your kids will think you're a great mom whether you make their birthday cakes or not! You do LOTS of great things for them and they know it!

Alicia said...

Seriously, girl! Your cakes rock, big time!!!!!!!

Creative Junkie said...

I am seriously impressed with your cake skills - holy crap!

I long ago accepted the fact that I would never be superwoman/supermom. It has relieved the pressure of motherhood enormously.

The Lane Family said...

Your cakes are amazing but I LOVE what you said about the fact that are kids love us no matter our faults so just enjoy what you got and enjoy the ride.

I Am Not Superwoman said...

Ok, seriously these cakes ROCK! I thought they were professional cakes...And you are not going to make anymore? You have a talent, run with it. Newest follower, found you on another blog that I read. Hope you can drop by my blog. I am over at www.imnotsuperwoman.com

Nanner said...

"I'm the $10 sunglass wearing, ponytail sporting, Toyota Sienna driving mom."

Funny - that is exactly me, too - but my 2 sets of twins are girls. Is your Sienna a sandy beige too? LOL! I too have made some cakes for my kids and I LOVE it because it is fun, and exactly what they want - but yes, takes WAY MORE TIME than I really want to spend on it! Now I order sometimes and bake sometimes just for fun, depending on how crazy life is!

Morgan said...

I still can't get over how amazing your fondant cakes look! I totally get why you'd want to just buy them from now on though. Life is crazy when you have 4 kids and something's gotta give. It's better that it's the cakes you give up rather than your sanity.

Erin W said...

Oh my stars you are amazing!

The Mother said...

Sure, we believe that. Right.

You're a junkie. Just admit it and move on.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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