I laughed at my husband when he suggested we do the nasty when the electricity went out the other night.
As we sat there in the dark, surrounded by dim shadows of candlelight, I complained, "Well, what are are supposed to do until the electricity comes back on?"
He offered, "Well, there are a couple things we can do to kill some time until the lights come back on. You know, most babies are conceived during power outages."
I laughed. Hysterically. Until I realized he was serious.
"First of all," I explained. "We are done having babies. D. O. N. E. Done...."
Before I could finish, the electricity came back on.
"God has spoken," I said.
He retreated upstairs to watch television while I stayed downstairs and read a book.
Is our love a fairytale romance or what?
While jumping on the trampoline with the kids, I peed in my pants.
And not just a little bit of pee, people.
I peed in my pants, as if I were 2 years old again and completely lacking toilet training skills.
Very concerned, Bella asked, "Mommy, did you seriously pee in your pants? Why would you do that?"
I rolled my eyes, "Come on, it's not like I did it on purpose! After carrying YOU all in my belly, I cannot seem to jump, laugh and hold my bladder at the same time."
They all just kind of groaned a collective, "Eeeewwww".
But wiping their asses is supposed to be the highlight of my day, right?
I was SO sick of listening to Tim give me fitness advice that I finally challenged him to put his money where his mouth is and join me at one of my workout sessions with my trainer.
Completely shocked when he agreed, I texted her and said something like, "Kill him. Murder him. Make him do the elliptical for 10 minutes at a 17 resistance!"
The next day, as we stood in the gym listening to her describe what our circuit would be, I couldn't help but steal glances at him. He didn't seem to be shaken or fearful....until we were in the midst of our workout.
I left him in the dust when we had to jog across the parking lot....he crashed to the floor after holding a plank for a mere 30 seconds....after 5 Bosu burpees, he was grunting, "How many of these do we have to do?"
And then when my trainer started to truly feel bad for him, she cut him some slack and let him do the elliptical for a few minutes while my friend and I continued our workout.
When we were all done, he laid on the floor, panting for breath....while my friend's kids pointed and asked, "What's wrong with him?"
Later, at home, I commended him on the fact that he showed up and did the workout...even if my trainer did go super easy on him.
I asked, "So, do you think you want to make this a regular thing?"
He threw me for a loop with his answer. "I think I need to work on getting my endurance up before I can go back to the gym. Once I'm in better shape, I'll go back."
Really? Isn't this a little backwards? Don't most people go the gym to get more fit...or am I missing something?
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