Friday, May 6, 2011

This week's confessions....

I confess:

I laughed at my husband when he suggested we do the nasty when the electricity went out the other night.

As we sat there in the dark, surrounded by dim shadows of candlelight, I complained, "Well, what are are supposed to do until the electricity comes back on?"

He offered, "Well, there are a couple things we can do to kill some time until the lights come back on.  You know, most babies are conceived during power outages."

I laughed.  Hysterically.  Until I realized he was serious.

"First of all," I explained.  "We are done having babies.  D. O. N. E.  Done...."

Before I could finish, the electricity came back on.

"God has spoken," I said.

He retreated upstairs to watch television while I stayed downstairs and read a book.

Is our love a fairytale romance or what?

I confess:

While jumping on the trampoline with the kids, I peed in my pants.

And not just a little bit of pee, people.

I peed in my pants, as if I were 2 years old again and completely lacking toilet training skills.

Very concerned, Bella asked, "Mommy, did you seriously pee in your pants?  Why would you do that?"

I rolled my eyes, "Come on, it's not like I did it on purpose!  After carrying YOU all in my belly, I cannot seem to jump, laugh and hold my bladder at the same time."

They all just kind of groaned a collective, "Eeeewwww".

But wiping their asses is supposed to be the highlight of my day, right?

I confess:

I was SO sick of listening to Tim give me fitness advice that I finally challenged him to put his money where his mouth is and join me at one of my workout sessions with my trainer.

Completely shocked when he agreed, I texted her and said something like, "Kill him.  Murder him.  Make him do the elliptical for 10 minutes at a 17 resistance!"

The next day, as we stood in the gym listening to her describe what our circuit would be, I couldn't help but steal glances at him.  He didn't seem to be shaken or fearful....until we were in the midst of our workout.

I left him in the dust when we had to jog across the parking lot....he crashed to the floor after holding a plank for a mere 30 seconds....after 5 Bosu burpees, he was grunting, "How many of these do we have to do?"

And then when my trainer started to truly feel bad for him, she cut him some slack and let him do the elliptical for a few minutes while my friend and I continued our workout.  

When we were all done, he laid on the floor, panting for breath....while my friend's kids pointed and asked, "What's wrong with him?"

Later, at home, I commended him on the fact that he showed up and did the workout...even if my trainer did go super easy on him.

I asked, "So, do you think you want to make this a regular thing?"

He threw me for a loop with his answer.  "I think I need to work on getting my endurance up before I can go back to the gym.  Once I'm in better shape, I'll go back."

Really?  Isn't this a little backwards?  Don't most people go the gym to get more fit...or am I missing something?


Got a confession? Link up!! Registered & Protected


singedwingangel said...

Ok let me tell you my I peed myself story. We were on our way home and I had needed to pee before we left town, but I thought I could hold it. Cue the dumb dumb dumb theme music here. The drive is only 16 miles surely I can hold it that long. But I also have a thing with having coffee to drink on the way, a bad habit. 5 miles from home it was bad, eyeballs floating, tears coming to my eyeskeeping my knees together while trying to operate the gas and brake pedal. I pull up our bumpy big gravel and chughole driveway in agony. Open my door and take a breath. As soon as my feet hit the ground gravit y takes over adn I cannot stop myself. Yep I peed myself in my mom's front yard. WITH both knees together, doing the I have so got to pee walk that I now cannot get out of cause my muscles have locked.
My boys never opened their mouths , I went straight to a shower.

Natalie said...

Ha ha! Way to go Momma in showing him what a real workout is!

Colleen said...

Confession: I wear a pad to Zumba and it's not because it's "that time of the month." Need I say more?

Debbie said...

love your candid honesty! lol
great post.

Evonne said...

I've jumped on a trampoline before. All I'm saying is I can relate!

Good job at beating your husband at the gym. And yes, he is going about it backwards.

Eva Gallant said...

I wear Poise pads, daily!

Nobodys Nothings said...

LOL @ "go back to the gym once i'm in better shape".

and my husband would probably suggest the same thing, and it would probably end the same way. ;)

Desperate Housemommy said...

I confess:

I polished off The Cherubs' Easter candy stash three days ago and feigned ignorance after dinner last night.

And I dare say that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Nezzy said...

Don't even try to figure out the mind of an Alpha~Male baby, it'll just drive ya insane!

You are sure given some Pee~passes after birthin' not one but two sets of twins girl. It's your God given rite! The important thing is you were havin' fun with your kiddos! :o)

God bless ya sweetie and have an amazin' Mother's Day weekend!

Conni said...

your husband sounds hilarious, when the lights were out, too funny. Glad God was on your side and the lights came back on, but you know some children were conceived with the lights on too, lol

Funny trampoline story, hence why I just watch the kids on ours, lol

Thanks for sharing

Barbara said...

are we married to the same man? My husband keeps saying how he would like to loose a few pounds so he can "hit the gym again"? WTF, what's the point of the gym?

Natalie said...

Loved your "God has spoken" line!!

We have that same fairytale romance that you guys do ;)

VandyJ said...

I've found that the whole bladder thing is no laughing matter any more. And I only carried two kids, one at a time.
And yeah, they really do think you should rejoice at helping with their bathroom issues.

Mary B* said...

Stopped by for Friday Confessional!
Love your posts so far. :) I love to laugh, so I really enjoyed it. :)

Di said...

I have almost peed myself all week. I am drinking more water than Shamu since I'm trying to increase my supply. Then some idiot decides to have wreck and there I am sitting in traffic, bladder about to burst with a screaming four month old in the back while listening to the Barney station on Pandora...

kc said...

that was hysterical!!! but now I totally want to use that excuse to get out of those morning runs with my co-workers when I am on travel. I need to hit the gym first. HA!

Missy said...

I confess that was hilarious. WTH is wrong with men! That is seriously all they think about.

wonderchris said...

All great - laughed my way to the end!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Miss Angie said...

You crack me up! That was a great read! Thanks for that!

And yes, it is a little backwards.

Heather said...

That pretty much is my love/hate relationship with a trampoline in my a nutshell.
Yay for your husband to go and yes his logic is backwards.

Tiffany said...

Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for the laugh as usual. Love the God has spoken and the trampoline pee. HAHAHA!

Kakunaa said...

LOL. See, normally in my relationship, I am the one pushing for nookie...but not these days.

KSK said...

LOL! 'God has spoken!' hilarious!
I love that you told him that your trainer went super easy on him :)

Brooke said...

mine never does anything and can still run (and walk) circles around me X-(

Mamarazzi said...

LMAO..."God has spoken" always!!

thanks for linking up!!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

My husband has tried to do my yoga routine with me and literally collapsed in the middle. To say nothing about the fact that he has no balance and can't touch his toes. However, he has a whole new respect for me so it was totally worth it.

Megan said...

Oh poor poor tim, So deprived..... hahhahahahahahahahahahahahah

and I will have you know, I am no longer allowed on our trampoline for the same damn reason. Stupid bladder.

Jenny said...

LOL about the trainer! That is funny.

Oh and peeing your pants, I bet that was quite a shock for the kids. Seriously though having kids is hard on your body!

Rebecca said...

That soooo sounds like something my husband would suggest! You know, anything that will work to get him some action ;)

And I have a hard time holding my bladder, and I haven't even had kids yet. oh man....

Tiffany said...

I totally peed my pants last summer on the trampoline - and not just a little either. I'm now on a self-ban of all trampolines. And now being 37 weeks preggo? Well, let's just say that I think twice before any sneeze so that I don't put myself into another embarrassing situation.

Kimberly said...

First of all, I would laugh at my husband too with his suggestion (which I know mine has made the same suggestion during a power outage before). In fact, it doesn't take much for him to suggest a little action. I want to laugh every time. Ahh, crazy hormones are wasted on the young. Too bad.

Second, I have two pee stories. In high school, at the homecoming pre-game show, I was on drill team, standing on field in position for about 30 minutes. Something funny happened while we were down there but we couldn't move. I got the giggles so bad and out it came. My pee-stained tights looked lovely. DEFINITELY my most embarrassing moment ever.

Reading your first comment up top made me think of a second time, when I did IVF. The first time I ever did it they had such great difficulty finding the right spot for implantation, and I had that full bladder. It was like an hour of holding the most pee I'd ever had in my life. I managed not to pee all over the doctor by same miracle, but the second they said I could get up, I didn't make it to the bathroom. Some of it hit the floor first. Nice. Back to the whole loss of dignity with fertility treatments. Fun fun.

But I guess it was all worth it since today I have 4 little cuties doting all over me! Happy Mother's Day!

Alyssa Neiers said...

I especially like the confession about challenging Tim to a workout! Good thing you showed him up!

And Happy Mother's Day!
I am a new reader and I really enjoy reading your blog! I love the funny stories about the kids!

Lisa said...

A little pee comes out pretty much every time I laugh or cough. Ahh. Motherhood.

Aimee said...

Thank you THANK you for the belly laughs, with everything going on here I needed them more than I hope you will ever know!

Love, Aim

2Wired2Tired said...

Oh the things they don't tell you about before you have kids, right? I seriously think if teenage girls knew about incidents like yours on the trampoline and other similar things that happen after having kids there would be a drop in teen pregnancy!

Good for you for doing so great at your workout and at least it will get your husband moving a bit himself. Maybe now that he's getting in shape to go to the gym he won't have as much time to offer you advice!

Daycare Headquarters said...

Love your blog and your stories! Very funny and can relate....Mom of 4!

Shell said...

God has spoken. LMAO!!!

I actually said something like that about the gym- that I had to get my endurance up by doing the elliptical for a few weeks before I could try a class.

Jennifer said...

Just found your blog. I also have two sets of twins, ages 4 and 2 and can totally relate to your postings. I'm Jennifer, nice to meet ya!

MommaKiss said...

So I peed my pants in a bouncy house thingy at a birthday party. Not at home. Nothing to change. I didn't even have 4 kids or shoot said children out my hoo hah.  C-sections baby. And I still peed while jumping. Hot. 

Amanda@runninghood said...

Hilarious. YOu're officially going on my blog roll! :) I've been a "follower" but just have not had time to come read everything and now that i'm catching up, I'm putting you on my "to see every day list" :)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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