Monday, June 13, 2011

Rockin’ The Bump

First off, let me just say...no, I’m not pregnant.  Could you imagine?  With my luck, it’d be another set of twins…or maybe even triplets. 

But then, perhaps I'd get my own reality show, where viewers would be treated to watching me lose my mind on an hourly basis, gulping wine directly from the bottle at exactly 5:30 pm every day and praying for strength and patience on such a continuous basis that even God dreads hearing from me.

Shell at Things I Can't Say is hosting a fun meme called Rockin' The Bump...so it's an opportunity to show off your baby bump.



Or you can use it to your advantage like I'm doing and hope that some sex-crazy teenager who thinks it'd be "really neat" to have a set of twins will stumble upon my belly pics and be scared straight.

Yeah, scared straight as in, "Is it humanly possible for my belly to get THAT huge?"

Absolutely, it sure can.  In addition to the amazingly expanded belly, you also get saggy boobs, stretch marks, varicose veins and, if you're super lucky, hemorrhoids.

Wait, that's not it...you'll also have a pelvic floor so weak that you will pee in your pants every single time you sneeze or cough.   And it never improves, only gets worse as you age.

You'll have your sweet, adorable children to thank for all that and more.

Do what I do...when they scream at you, "You never do anything for us!", you can strip down to your birthday suit and answer, "Oh yeah?!  Then tell me why my body looks like THIS!"

Moving on, here I am at 31 weeks pregnant with Cole and Bella, the first set of twins.  This was actually at my baby shower, which my sister had hosted.

Don't you just love the look on my face?  It's almost as if I'm thinking, "I'm really going to be a mother...holy shit!  I don't even know how to change a freakin' diaper!"

31-week belly pic

Right before everyone arrived, she asked me when was the last time I took a belly pic and I had shrugged my shoulders.   So she insisted on taking one, explaining, "You never know when one of these preterm labor runs is going to turn into the real thing...trust me, someday you'll thank me for taking this picture".

And the very next day, I landed my fat, pregnant ass back in the hospital again on strict bed rest.  Cole and Bella were born the following week.

The next set of pictures is from when I was 18 weeks and then 32 weeks pregnant with Garrett and Landon...they would be the second set of twins.

Notice I had no shame in baring my naked and bruised belly (from the Heparin shots).  Also, take note of the fact that I did not include my face in the pics...because I was freakin' tired AND I knew what was in store for me, after having already experienced the first set of twins.

If you could've seen my face, it probably would've read, "I can't believe we're frackin' doing this all over again.  Shit, holy crap...the sleep deprivation is so gonna suck!"

18w

I look like such a beached whale in this next picture.  But at least my belly was finally bigger than my ass.

See, I do have a "glass is half full" mentality when the situation calls for it.

32wk

This was my last belly pic...2 weeks later I gave birth at 34 weeks.

Looking at these pictures actually makes me miss being pregnant.

Don't worry, though, my uterus and ovaries are shriveling up in revolt and horror right along with the rest of you as I sit here and type...

35 comments:

The Blue Zoo said...

Aw, love seeing other twin bellies!

I wish I had been blogging when I was pregnant with my twins, holy moly. I could have kept a blog going for months just about all the rude comments I got about how huge I was!

Shell said...

I'm just impressed that you wait until 5:30 for a drink. 5:00 here, girl!

I think your sister jinxed you and landed you in the hospital early! But at least she got a pic first!

Glad you are joining in! :)

Jenny said...

That is great that you have the pics! I wish I would have taken more. I only have 2.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

LOVE the pics, esp that last one.

I still look at mine and say, "oh my word, i can't BELIEVE I was that big" and I only made it to 31 w 6 days :)

I think I'll do this tonight!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I would definitely watch your reality show.

Great pics! While looking at yours makes you miss it - looking at mine is good birth control ;-)

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Great photos. :) I posted mine about my pregnancies and then hub and I started getting all nostalgic about it. That is, we were nostalgic until he reminded me, "Oh man! Remember your acne! You had some huge zits!"
Nice. And then he threw in, "And your gas? Oh MY GOD!" Nicer.

Yeah.

My ovaries are shriveling up in protest just like yours.

Natalie said...

You are just too hilarious! Wow I can only imagine how it was to carry not one but two sets of twins! Thanks for sharing your bump pic!

Twins Squared said...

Oh my gosh - you are brave to post your belly pics! No way will I post my last ones with skin and all! I was just looking at them last week and it still makes me shudder! But at least we had healthy babies. Still blessed even if our bodies are sagging now!

Love the glass is half full comment!! So funny!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

Lordy, Helene...you crack me up...

And I remember thinking how small my thighs looked when I was pregnant! Loved it! Bwahahaha!!!

Eva Gallant said...

I have no belly pics and for that I am grateful! lol

Not Just Another Jennifer said...

LOL! Love your sense of humor! I'll have to poke around here for a bit. Glad I found you through Shell's meme. Sidenote: one of my good friends from college is pregnant with twins - again. She had twin boys. Then she was a surrogate and had twins again. And now she's pregnant for a third time with her own and is having another set of twins. I cannot imagine...

Colleen said...

All I can say is holy belly!
And I lmao at the peeing your pants comment. I only carried one at a time and I am a pro sneeze leg crosser. :)

Lisa said...

Damn girl. That is one rockin belly!

Cindy said...

Great post. Good birth control. Damn you for making me laugh and pee myself.
I carried my twins to 39 weeks then had a scheduled C-section. What a relief because they totally would have stayed in there forever. I was SO HUGE. I am glad I have the belly pic to show them when they are older and start sassin' me. I'll be all...do you see what I did for you??!! The girls were 6 lbs each. Their older sister was born 3 days late and she was 8 lb 7 oz. I breed 'em big. Yikes. Thank goodness for my body that we're done :)

Tarah said...

hahaha! LOVE this post! I think those teen girls who think the idea of having babies young to get famous need a slap in the face with reality. Motherhood - while totally rewarding - is HARD WORK!

Tylaine said...

You look so adorable in that first pic.! Just love your sense of humor!!

Barbara said...

You crack me up! I love that evolution from cute smiling first time mom to belly only mirror shots!

Galit Breen said...

Adorable! Just plain adorable!

Rhiannon said...

LMFAO!! I so have to share this with my hubs as he wishes and prays for twins and I wish and pray he's shooting blanks at that very second! LOL

Samantha said...

Complete and utter respect for the whole twins thing...I think I would have died!! I HATED being pregnant, and I HATE what my body looks like at 23 years old after one fat kid. Stretch marks, varicose veins, and yes...I got really lucky with the whole hemorrhoid crap. I think I have one belly picture of me at my baby shower...Bree was born like 3 weeks later. I looked HUGE. Ugh, makes me sick thinking about it.

shortmama said...

awww I love your twin bellies

Kimberly said...

Shhh...I wish I was pregnant all the time ;)

gin said...

Oh, you look adorable! And I love your glass half full mentality; I remember saying to my husband at the end of my pregnancy, "well, look at how small my butt looks."

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

That is an awesome belly! You rocked it!

Mercy D'souza said...

Wow! And I thought I was huge at 40 weeks with just one inside. Amazing what our bodies can do.

MommaKiss said...

I'd be in for your show. Totally. Me and my non-twin belly pictures :p

Love these girl!

Alyssa Neiers said...

I like how in the first picture you are all smiley and happy and then in the next conveniently left your face out because you knew what was coming this time around! Your humor makes me laugh.
And I decided I am will only ever have one baby at a time because obviously you can control things like that (not that I am going to be popping kids out any time soon!)

Kaylee said...

Way to be optimistic! I love your sense of humor and you rocked it for having 2 sets of twins!!

edshunnybunny said...

Thanks for sharing your "rockin" belly. It never ceases to amaze me what a mother's body can endure...Amazing!

Myne Whitman said...

That last pic just scared me straight of my desire to have twin. Jeez...lol...

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

My jaw dropped when I read that these pictures made you miss being pregnant...sheesh! That time of my life was so damn hard!

Whenever someone says that they always wanted twins, I just tell them that it's the best thing I've ever done. Yes, my belly button is the size of the Grand Canyon, but it's still pretty damn awesome.

Lady Jennie said...

Holy smacks you're huge. But you look cute and you sure are a trooper for carrying twins. TWICE!

Karen Peterson said...

You are SO brave!

And a super adorable pregnant lady!

Anastasia said...

You should have your own show! But I know that you would be waaayy classier then SOME people we could name who have reality shows with their kids.

Emmy said...

That was a big belly for 32 weeks! But I guess there were two in there. I was totally the same way (big belly-not two)- everyone kept saying I looked like I was going to pop any day- and well I did when my son unexpectedly came 8 weeks early.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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