Thursday, July 21, 2011

Zucchini self-pollination efforts were a success…just call me Dr. Love

Remember a couple weeks ago when the neighborhood bees went on strike and refused to pollinate my zucchini plants…and I had to take matters into my own hands??

Well, I’m proud to inform you that my self-pollination efforts (as humiliating as it was) have paid off!
My plants have given birth to tons of little zucchinis and yellow squashes!  It’s such a beautiful sight that it literally brought tears to my eyes.

I'm such a sap...who knew?

So what do I attribute my success to?

I can honestly say it had something to do with the romantic little love song which I sang ever-so-softly to my poor infertile zucchini plants as I violated them with a q-tip.

Feel free to borrow the know, just in case you too have barren vegetable plants.

(Sung to the tune of Summer Lovin from the movie Grease)

Summer lovin' had me a blast - summer lovin', happened so fast
I met a zucchini crazy for me - I met a squash, cute as can be 

Summer days witherin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights

Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

Tell me more, tell me more, did she bloom in the morn?
Tell me more, tell me more, like, is this zucchini porn?

Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh

She grew by me, such a hot mess - he leaned towards me, loved his soothing caress
I saved her life, she nearly wilted - he showed off, the other flowers felt jilted

Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights


Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

Tell me more, tell me more, did he make you say "oooooh"?  
Tell me more, tell me more, did the other plants like the view?


We got gently watered, early in the day- we were wind blown, and together we swayed
We connected under the heat – no bees in sight, completely discreet

Summer fling don't mean a thing, but uh-oh those summer nights


Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

Tell me more, tell me more, did you make her bear fruit?
Tell me more, tell me more, if not, then your life is just moot.

shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop,shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, shoo-bop bop, YEH


He got friendly, down in the dirt - well she got friendly, made my stamen hurt
He was sweet, a shade of bright green - well she was fragrant, you know what I

Tell me more, tell me more, how much pollen did he share?
Tell me more, tell me more, does she got another flower to spare?

Summer heat, boy and girl forced to meet, but uh-oh those summer nights


It turned colder, that was our fate- so I told her we'd still be
grill mates

Then we made our true love vow - wonder if she's bloomin' now

Summer dreams raked at the seams, but oh, those summer nights

Tell me more, tell me more.


And, such as my luck, the damn bees finally made their way back AFTER I had already played doctor with my plants.

Friggin' Mother Nature.


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Bethany said...

Hahaahahaha...Oh you always make me laugh every time I stop by. I am glad the song and the pollination did it's job=)

Jenny said...

LOL! That is hilarious!

Charlene said...

LOL....Only you!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

OMG, 'made my stamen hurt'!! I'm dying!

Donna said...

Hh..they don't have laws against that? But it's California. I'm pretty sure that behavior would not be accepted here in good ole Virginia!

Lol, Girl, you are like the Barren Whisperer - seriously people should hire you for your fertility-ness. Hell, I'd watch that realty show! You could visit whole farms, organic gardens. Obviously, infertility clinics. Oh, the fun you (and we) would have!!

Love,love the song!

Karen Peterson said...

You are amazing, my friend. You could have a future career in zucchini reproductive services.

Barbara said...

That is hysterical and thanks to you I have a sudden urge to watch Grease, although now I won't be able to watch it without thinking about zucchini porn!

Jen said...

I am so impressed that you knew how to do this. :)

Natalie said...

HAHAHA! Wow that was hilarious! Thanks for making my Friday :)

Stefenie said...

You always manage to crack me up! Nice song lyrics! Ha!

Lisa said...

Hysterical. :)

KSK said...

LOL :) I felt a little dirty after singing your song!

Singedwingangel said...

bwhahaha the song and lyrics cracked me up..too funny.

Holly said...

So sentimental ... how are you going to manage chopping and eating them after this?

Nobodys Nothings said...

LMAO congrats new mama! and if they back talk, you don't even have to feel bad about eating them...

Kim said...

You had me at "violated them with a q-tip."

Missy said...

Tears. "made my stamen hurt?" "We'll always be grill mates?"


Eva Gallant said...

Do you feel used?

Eva Gallant said...

Do you feel used?

Kimberly said...

Are you drinking again?

Rhiannon said...

whooohooo!!! next billboards top 100 I'm telling ya
btw, you havent given the talk to your kids yet have ya? LOL

Twinpossible said...

Yeah Helene, you should really start charging women for belly rubs. I think you have 'the gift.' lol. I have gifts that don't work on myself, but something is better then nothing.

Great story. I'm happy to see any animal, plant, creature, human being (again animal, lol), get their right to parenthood. You are 'the plant whisperer.' :)

Oh, and I totally think that would be legal here in NY, lol.

xoxo Shelly

Lauren said...

Ha ha ha! So creative!

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