Friday, September 16, 2011

They said WHAT?!

My latest Facebook status updates:

Tim was trying to explain to Bella the difference between failing and succeeding. After he left the room, she was giving me examples and she goes, "So, when Daddy was trying to screw that thing earlier, he was failing, not succeeding".

Apparently, she was referring to Tim trying to install the new dishwasher. I couldn't stop laughing.

She goes, "What's so funny? Has Daddy ever been successful when he screwed before?"

I. Could. Not. Breathe.


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Cole just said to me, "Mommy, you know how you used to complain about having to wipe my butt for me? Well, did you know that mother tigers have to LICK their babies clean? See, it's a good thing you're not a tiger!"

Well, now...that sure does put things into perspective, doesn't it?


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Me: Landon, your homework is due tomorrow.
Landon: It's not tomorrow yet.
Me: Yes, but tomorrow it'll be tomorrow and that's when it's due.
Landon: But today isn't tomorrow.
Me: Your homework is due TOMORROW so you need to do it TODAY!
Landon: But it's not tomorrow.

I swear, this is the reason why I drink wine on a nightly basis.

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Bella happened to see a picture of Garrett and Landon as babies on the slideshow on my computer a few minutes ago.

She goes, "Mommy, who are those babies?"
I said, "Oh, those are the new babies we're adopting...aren't they cute?"

She gave me an angry look and goes, "Why would you adopt more twins? Don't you think you have enough already?!"

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Garrett: Mommy, this new kitty likes me. She keeps smelling my underwear.
Me: Why would she be smelling your underwear?
Garrett: Probably because I peed in them.

Nice.

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I asked Garrett what he learned at Vacation Bible School today and he goes, "I learned that Jesus got crushed by a car when he was a baby". 

Um, okay....




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40 comments:

Working Mommy said...

Buwahahahahahaha!!! Nice!

wm

Lisa said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE The screwed one and the kitty underwear one. LOVE.

kristi said...

LOL! Your kids are so funny!

Carol said...

O...M....G, freaking hilarious. I tried to tell my daughter the screwing one but was laughing to hard.

Missy said...

Cracking me up! So if I go and friend you on FB (because, you know, we were separated at birth), would it freak you out?

I think I'll go try and find out! :)

Rhiannon said...

LMFAO!!!

blueviolet said...

OH my gosh, that crushed by a car one is absolutely crazy. I'm so glad we don't have to lick-bathe our young!

Shell said...

These are hilarious!!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

OMG, they all kill me but especially Bella!!

Singedwingangel said...

Bwhahah the first one had me rolling.. I love the way kids minds work it is too funny the things they think of..

ashley @ ashley's adventures in alaska said...

Ha!!! Your kids say some pretty off the wall things. I love the "screwed" conversation. Reminds me of my niece. She had problems saying "truck" and it came out more like "f@ck"... her telling us about the moose by her Papa's truck was quite hilarious. :)

Samantha said...

I love the FB status one, and the one about the homework...the homework definitely sounds like a conversation between me and Bree. I'd have to have some wine after that to :) Love yours kids...they're hilarious!

ashley said...

I love every single one of these! Hahaha...never a dull moment!

Natalie said...

Ha ha this makes my Friday! Kids definitely drive us to drink :)

Kristen said...

Hahaha! They are so funny right now - aren't they?
FB status from tonight:

"I smell like a sewer because I fell over trying to help a twin hover over the port-a-john."

Unfortunate news was - this was a true story.

You are the sister of my heart!

Amber said...

So it is 11 at night and I am reading your blog, I think I might have just woken everyone up because I was laughing so hard at this post. Note to self, read Helene's blog while others are not sleeping!
Love your blog!

Mercy D'souza said...

Love it...

KSK said...

These are HILARIOUS!!!
That 1st one! HA!!!
..but WHAT are they teaching in bible school??!

Lollie said...

LOL.. Love your site. Thanks for sharing!!!

Nobodys Nothings said...

LOVE the way kids put things into perspective. thank god we're not tigers indeed...

Catherine said...

Best blog post of the morning. Hahaha ... I just love kids. If they wanted to do a reality show, they ought to bring back 'Kids Say the Darndest Things."

Eva Gallant said...

I love when you post what your kids have been saying! They are so funny.

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

Homework definitely drives me to drink. This post made me laugh out loud and I almost woke the sprogs from precious slumber...precious for me and my morning cuppa.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

At least you are sane enough to remember all of the funny things that have come out of their mouths. They could all be comedians and just think, you wouldn't have to worry about money. They'd take good care of their mommy and daddy!

Twins Squared said...

Those are all so funny! I think the underwear one is the funniest! The one about Jesus is pretty funny too, not the thought of that, but...you know what I mean! Love your funny kids! Aren't you so glad that even though they are such a handful that they are not boring?

Jennifer said...

LOL! You should write a book with all the stuff they say!!!

Kimberly said...

Those are the best facebook statues ever!!!

Kakunaa said...

Awesome. There are no more words.

Ginny Marie said...

Too, too funny! And boy oh boy, I'm so glad I'm not a tiger mommy!

Mrs. Laborn said...

Hey! Im your newest follower! Got your info from macaroni central! LOVE your blog! and I am also an MK publiser! you can follow back at: tristascreations.blogspot.com

Barbara said...

Hysterical!! The screwing had me cracking up! It's a good thing you wrote these down to remember them later.

Sarah said...

CAN'T - STOP - LAUGHING

Nezzy said...

Oh sweetie, I've missed you so much. Your kiddos are so entertaining, they always lift my day!

God bless ya and have a terrific day!!! :o)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Oh! I can't stop laughing at the one where Bella asks if you have enough twins already! Hilarious!

trooppetrie said...

I am new to your blog and all I can say is thanks for the giggles. kids keep us laughing.

Amber said...

So that last one...where was he going with that, hahaha

Kids say the greatest things!!

HoneyDame said...

OMG!!!!Where did you get these kids from?! oh forget it, you are their mother afterall!

Sela Toki said...

LMBO!!! On the screwed one that is. Can't stop laughing.

Tiffany said...

LOL. Kids. Are. Awesome.

Bella's comments were sah-wheet.

Tarah said...

AHAHAHAHA. I'm cracking up at work...again, I look crazy.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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