Tuesday, October 11, 2011

10 signs that pigs must be flying....

Yesterday, one of my amazing bloggy buddies, Shell at Things I Can't Say, wrote the funniest post called "Seven Signs Pigs Must Be Flying".

She graciously allowed me to borrow the idea from her (after I hogged her comment section with several of my own "signs pigs must be flying")!!

  • Should my kids ever listen to me the first time around and actually do what I'm asking with huge smiles on their faces and humming the tune "Whistle While You Work", pigs must be flying.
  • If my husband ever says to me, "No, you sit and finish your dinner. I'll go wipe his ass this time", pigs must be flying.
  • If all the clothes ended up in the hamper and not all over the floor IN FRONT of the hamper, pigs must be flying.
  • If I could get through a day without being sneezed on or peed on, pigs must be flying.
  • Should my kids ever happily admit, "Oh, it was me who spilled the huge bag of cat food all over the floor.  Sorry, I'll go clean it up", pigs must be flying.
  • If all the toilets in our home could stay sparkly clean with no signs of bad aim or leftover butt nuggets, pigs must be flying.
  • If total strangers witness my kids doing something horrid, such as spitting on one another, calling each other ass-heads, or screeching at the top of their lungs as if they're being kidnapped by Ted Bundy himself and smile politely and say, "Oh, what are you gonna do?  Kids will be kids", pigs must be flying.
  • Should my boys welcome the opportunity to try new, healthy foods with an open mind instead of comparing the dish to "dog poop with a little bit of cat puke and raccoon guts mixed in", pigs must be flying.
  • Should my daughter leave the home in an outfit which matches, pigs must be flying.
  • Should Tim ever respond to anything I say with, "Sweetie, let me turn the television off so I can hear you because you deserve my undivided attention after such a long, exhausting day taking care of my spawn", pigs must be flying.  And hell must have surely frozen over.

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36 comments:

Natalie said...

I am SO borrowing this idea too! Hilarious!

My fave was the one where hubby says he'll go wipe your son's ass. Yeah...pigs would definitely be flying for sure!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

After all these years, pigs are still flying daily around here so I hate to tell ya, there's no rest for the weary. Good luck!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

Should my computer be running wirelessly at full capacity and I've figured out how to update, and rejuvenate my antiquated blog, re organize my entire contact list including email, phone number and address lists, and pushed several buttons which resulted in miraculous changes instead of horrendous glitches, pigs must be flying?

Samantha said...

LOVE them all, but that last one...it's spot on! Well, all the husband ones were spot on with mine...and the one about having your kids do what you ask the first time you ask while whistling...yes m'am!

Kmama said...

I love that last one. SO FUNNY! (and so true).

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Um, yeah. Pigs must be flying or I might be dreaming :)If so...don't wake me!

Tarah said...

Oh I have a whole list of my own too! Love this idea!

Jenny said...

So true! The second point had me LOL. Almost every single evening, Abby has to go poop right when I'm in the middle of dinner. Your food just doesn't taste the same when you come back. LOL!

Deputy's Wife said...

HAHA this is Great!

The sad part though, almost all of these are true for my house and I only have one kid...it's a girl! Lord help me when we add another!

Charlene said...

Bwhahahahahaha.......

Megan said...

I still think our kids... AND husbands are related.......

Shell said...

Love that you did this!

That last one? I'd probably pass out from shock.

Recovering Church Lady said...

Love these!

KSK said...

LOL! These are great!! :)

Nezzy said...

Oh girl, this is fantastic!!! I just love it when pigs fly!

God bless and enjoy your day! :o)

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

Butt nuggets and racoon guts. Now I'm kind of glad our families are separated by the Pacific Ocean, because my kids would be on those phrases so quick if they ever heard them. I would never hear the end of it.

You are on fire with these ones Helene! Sharing this also. People will think I've got a blogger crush. ;-)

Deb said...

Oh how I needed a laugh...and laugh I just did!! I love it. I may just have to borrow this one too, if that's alright with you.

Eva Gallant said...

I love these! I may have to borrow the idea as well! If it's okay!

Lisa said...

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THIS.

Thank you.

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

These are awesome!!!!!!!!!!

WhisperingWriter said...

This is a great idea!

Love your list.

Rhiannon said...

LMFAO!! I just love love this!! AMEN PREACH!

myinnerchick.com said...

---Brilliant. So damn funny.

"•If my husband ever says to me, "No, you sit and finish your dinner. I'll go wipe his ass this time", pigs must be flying."

Fabulous Stuff. X

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

If Corey every cooked dinner...pigs would be flying all over. In fact, they would be squeeling up the skies if he went ONE day without asking WHAT is for dinner!

Holly said...

Heh! Awesome. I love it.

Sheila said...

Good fun reading - I reckon my '10 signs' would sound very simliar to those!

Kimberly said...

That last one is surely a sign of the apocalypse...

Mercy D'souza said...

Like, like, like!

Emmy said...

Well here's hoping for some flying pigs! I can totally relate to all of the meal ones.

Di said...

Huh, my hamper spits clothes back out onto the floor too! Crazy how that happens.

Also Pigs may have flown last Saturday since my hubby actually did turn the tv off when I asked (or bi#$hed as he would say) and finished our chores instead!

blueviolet said...

You ended that with a ka-pow! Those are awesome. What is with the hamper and clothes thing, by the way?

Twins Squared said...

I like #2! Cute post!

Karen Peterson said...

These are hilarious! Oh, your kids! :-)

I might have to borrow this idea...

Sela Toki said...

So funny Helene. Can't help laughing out loud. Especially the last one. Yup, I guess all husbands are the same. God bless oh and thanks for introducing me to SITS. So awesome.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Hilarious! So if I see a pig flying, I'll totally understand.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Ha...the one about the strangers? AMEN!!!

Seriously, Husband offered to wipe ass during dinner the other night. I think he thought I'd have a psychotic break if I left the table again.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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