Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The rebirth of a wanna-be cake artist who still desperately wants to be Supermom....

Some of you may remember back in March, I wrote a post about how I was officially DONE baking birthday cakes for my kids.

I went on and on about how I was desperate to prove that I was indeed Supermom...and then I finally had my "aha" moment when I realized that my kids would love me no matter whether I baked them the most magnificent cake ever or bought them a cake from Costco.

And unicorns and leprechauns live in my backyard and we have tea parties every day at approximately 3:23 pm.

You see, apparently, my children do measure my love for them based on the fact that I bake them birthday cakes every year.

And it's not enough to do the same type of cake.  Oh no...they raise that damn bar so high every single year.  The cake has to be better....bigger...more extravagant that even I could ever imagine.

If you lived near me, you might've heard me pleading with them, "Come on, guys.  How about a nice sheet cake with lots of frosting and I'll write your names all pretty in bright colors?  What do you say?"

They laughed hysterically at first.  Even the unicorns and the leprechauns chuckled...freakin' traitors.

Then the kids said, "But Mommy, if you REALLY love us, you'll make us whatever cake we want."

Stop shaking your head...they seriously said that.

If you think young children are not consciously aware of ways to make their parents feel incredibly guilty, then you probably honestly believe I'm having tea parties every day in my backyard with the Lucky Charms guy and his gaggle of unicorns.

While I was trapped knee-deep in a pile of guilt the size of Mt Everest, I caved and agreed to make them whatever their little hearts desired.

I'm a total sucker.  Aren't we all, though, when it comes to our kids?  We just want them to be happy, dammit...even if it costs us a few more brain cells and a little bit more of our sanity.

Okay, enough of my bitching...let's get to the pictures of these monstrous creations I agreed to make.

First (yes, I did say first...remember, we're talking twins here.  God forbid they grow up and blame me for their problems all because they had to share a freakin' birthday cake every year), we have Bella's cake.

Or should I say Princess Bella who must have the finest of all apparel...




...including a cake purse, gumpaste high-heeled shoes, as well as fondant makeup.  You can bet your sweet ass the whole zebra-striped design was her idea.

She may be only 6...oops, I mean...7 years old but she knows her stuff.

Bella was all, "Okay, I want purple and black zebra-striped shoes and a matching purse.  I want really super high heels and lots and lots of makeup, especially eye shadow.  The eye shadow has to be all kinds of colors because I like everything bright and beautiful.  Oh and lipstick.  No, wait...lip gloss.  I like the more natural kind of look".

My response was, "Let me get this straight....you want natural looking lip gloss yet you expect green, yellow and blue eyeshadow?"

She looked at me as serious as Roseanne Barr is about her beloved macadamia nut farm and nodded her little blonde head.  

So just to be clear here...Bella is a girl who knows what she wants.  Indecisiveness has never been an issue for her.  Obviously.

Moving on...

At first, Cole wanted a dragon cake, which I was all excited about because I thought, "Oh, that can't be very hard to do".

That's when he switched it on me and said, "Well, shit, it's no fun if you think it's easy so I need to come up with something more challenging.  Let me think of something that will surely make you want to violently drive rusty nails into your eyeballs and I'll get back to you."

Okay, he didn't really say that but I'm sure he thought it.  In fact, I'm positive that's what was running through his head the minute I made it sound like the dragon creation would be a piece of cake.  Pun intended.

"I want a Pokemon cake," Cole said to me a couple days later.  I was smart enough this time to make it sound like he had asked me to prove that Steven Tyler really is a dude.

"Oh, wow...a Pokemon cake," I repeated.  "Hmmmm, that'll be tough but I'll see what I can come up with."

That seemed to please the boy enough and what do you know...it turns out the Pokemon cake WAS actually more difficult than the dragon cake.  But I figured after a few glasses of wine, it wouldn't seem all that tough.  Besides, I had enough brains to research Pokemon cakes online long enough to find one I might be able to recreate somewhat successfully.

This was the result...




Before I managed to get completely drunk, I made an adorable little Pikachu out of fondant.  And then I got reprimanded by one of the 4-year olds for making Pikachu "fat".

I said, "He's not fat.  He just had a really big lunch today...so bite me."

Alright, you caught me again.  I didn't really say "bite me"...or maybe I did.  I don't know...I think I was on my 4th glass of wine by then.  I guess I'll know for sure if I get called into a conference with his preschool teacher when he repeats it to some kid who looks at him the wrong way.  

But I'm not a bad mom.  Really, I'm not.  I mean, crap....look at the birthday creations I made for them with my bare hands.

Doesn't that prove I'm a good mom??

Maybe not Supermom...but, surely, a good one.


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45 comments:

Jean said...

I found your blog yesterday. I have read several of your posts and have figured out...you are crazy,a great writer,a glutton for punishment,a great mom and a good all around sport! Keep on writing and I will keep on reading. Passed it on to my friends.You crack me up....and believe me, I was cracked enough to start with but I love it!

Nezzy said...

Sure shootin' it make you one fantastic Mom.

It's so funny how such wee little people can manipulate we smart intelligent humans. Especially us MOMs. They get us right in the heart every blessed time!

Your cakes are amazin' sweetie. I know of what I speak of, my Mom decorated cakes.

God bless ya and have a fun day my friend!!!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Wow. You pulled it off again! After you swore you wouldn't. You know you love the punishment. Great job, Super Mom! I couldn't do it, but then I don't have any superpowers ;-)

Kmama said...

Holy shit. If those kind of cakes mean love, my kids are totally screwed.

Great job with the cakes!

Evonne said...

Those are freakin' awesome! Are you sure Bella is only 7? lol

I made cakes for my kids one year and now they expect it every year. I need to get planning for my daughter's birthday next month. If wine helps, maybe I'll start drinking it!

Samantha said...

You've got skill lady! More skill than I...tons of skill. Those cakes look fabulous, and Bella and Cole have a fantastic Mother :) I need a Mommy like you!

Natalie said...

Um ok now I'm seriously jealous of your cake making skills...Nolan's birthday is the 20th...can you mail me a cake? Thanks in advance!

Nobodys Nothings said...

seriously, you could do that professionally and make a LOT of money at it. those cakes are amazing. i kinda feel a little guilty for making my children suffer through their $5 walmart cakes....

and Happy Birthday to your little (big) ones!

Amy said...

Those cakes are amazing!! I don't know how you do it!!

Lisa said...

OMG. You are amazing!!! You should make cakes for a living!! I am so impressed!!

MommaM said...

You ARE a super Mom! Those cakes are awesome! You're giving me a bit more guts to make my son's birthday cake in a few weeks. Any tips?

Jen said...

Girl, you totally are a supermom who makes awesome cakes.

Eva Gallant said...

wow! Your cake-making skills never cease to amaze me! those are awesome cakes!

wonderchris said...

I am so glad you didn't stop making those amazing cakes!! LOVE the eyshadow...so colorful.

You ARE Supermom!! :D

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

OMGosh! The answer is a resounding YES. Those cakes not only make you a supermom, you ought to be on The Cake Boss or, Ace of Cakes. So glad you have this evidence of your awesomeness on your blog because if it ends up at your house anything like it is at my house, when they're older they will accuse you of never having made them any cakes or even having any good parties. Photos mean, evidence! I have to use them all the time. Now, can you come over and make my daughter's wedding cake? It can be something simple - say like depicting their engagement on a train in a piano bar. You know, him on one knee, her crying and the piano man playing jazz. Okay, thanks and have a great day.

Shell said...

Wow, those cakes are awesome!

I love that you resort to wine to get you through. Girl after my own heart.

Teri said...

They turned out amazing - you must keep on making them every year!!

Deb said...

Those cakes are incredible! They really do make you supermom!

January Dawn said...

Wine or no wine (always wine) I am terribly impressed with those cakes!!! Good on YOU Helene. You got best Mom award in my books on the cakes alone.

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

WOW!!!!!!!!!

Great job! And yes, I really think you are the best mom in the world ever to those kids for making them those kick ass cakes! WOW!!! The make-up is amazing!!!!

Great job!!! I'm overly jealous of your skills... and PATIENCE.

Rhiannon said...

wow! you did it again! in my book you're supermom!

Singedwingangel said...

Now my next question is why don't you parlay this into a work from home job.. oh wait what was I thinking sorry sleep deprevation on my part

Jenny said...

Where do you get the patience for that?! Those look awesome! You did a really good job!!

KSK said...

..um. My birthday is in January. I like wine too! You could drink wine whilst making me a wine cake! :)

They look REALLY good! I love that Bella wanted zebra shoes with a matching purse! She is a little diva! :)

SMS said...

I mean.. for reals lady.. that is INSANE!!!! Cake Boss eat your heart out :) Well done girly!!!

Tiffany said...

What in the huh? You did this??? Oh my gosh woman, you ARE Supermom!! See, I set the bar low from the start. Prayse has had a handmade cake once- handmade by someone else and she was turning 1 so I'm sure she was really impressed. Party #2 was cupcakes in ice cream cones with lots of frosting to hide the imperfections. Party #3 was made by someone else too and an add'l sheet cake. Party #4 was jumbo cupcakes from a cupcake place here... If I can keep up the pace she'll never have to know that cake boxes aren't meant for birthdays!

Zeemaid said...

I am blown away by your cake creations. They are amazing. I can dream but mine never even come close to what I picture in my head. I think my head pictures are in HD and my life is in Analog. ;)

Twins Squared said...

I think you should go into the cake making business and do it all the time (with all that extra spare time you've got!!) and then you could be supermom every day of the year!

Just kidding. Two sets of twins makes you supermom automatically but I never feel like I'm a supermom either. I feel the opposite. I'm the mom drowning under all my children. Maybe I need to find a hidden talent too where I can overcompensate for my domestic challenges. (Not saying that you are domestically challenged - talking about me now!) How rude of me to make this all about me!

Brandy J. said...

I just found your blog and am your newest follower. Thanks for creating such a fun blog full of inspiration. I love your cakes -- AMAZING!!!

Cindy said...

Ho-ly Shit. I have NEVER seen anything like this. Um, why don't you have your own cake show? Duff move over. Seriously.

I am insanely jealous because I can't even bake a boxed cake without the center falling in.

Then again, I have it easy because my husband knows how much I suck at baking so he does it.

I am SO frickin' impressed. I can't believe you pulled off Bella's request that amazingly.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

OH MY WORD Helene, you are definitely SuperMom!

Those cakes are awesome!!!!!

Take lots of pics and when they give you lip, just point at the pics :)

I keep expectations low here - if Pick and Pay can make it, they will have it at their party :)

blueviolet said...

You are a masterful mom of moms!

myinnerchick.com said...

---No. You are not a good mom. YOU ARE A SUPER MOM! Are you kidding? You made those cakes? Shuuut uuuup. Those shoes! Are you serious? You're my hero. x

debi9kids said...

ok, and what sticks with me after reading all this? Steven Tyler.
You want to know why? Because I was in Target once and there on the shelf was a book with Steven Tyler on the front and right next to it, a book with Chelsea Handler and I stopped and thought, " Holy crap! That's the same chick/dude!"
Seriously, look!
CH:http://www.ebookreviewdownload.com/2011/05/lies-that-chelsea-handler-told-me-book.html
ST:http://jcshelton.blogspot.com/2011/05/moms-rading-what.html

Kakunaa said...

Ummm, yes, you are actually supermom. That shit isn't happening in my house!!! Flavor. You get to pick a FLAVOR. Lol. You go girl!

Missy said...

You. Are. Supermom. Holy shit - those are some awesome cakes. Hope you got to take a looonnnnng nap afterward!

bluecottonmemory said...

I bet "bite me" was part of that dialog that goes on in your head that nobody knows about - except in the blogasphere! LOL

I thought I made awesome cakes - you deal in fondant - I hand the crown over to you! (Though I did learn how to make daisies out of pre-made fondant - I loved that).

My youngest is 11 - I've made a soccer ball cake (yes, round), a baseball cake (yes, round), adorable Martha Stewart baby cakes, but the one they love the most, I guess I've made at least 20 GIJoe Tank Cakes - no fondant, no points but camo icing, hershey chocolate twizzlers for tires (new this year), oreos for the opening in the top and a piroet (sp) for the tank gun.

Yes - you said it - mama making the cake = lots of love!

So glad I stopped by today. You so made me smile!

Holly said...

Um,

WOW!!!

You have a way with fondant and whatever else all that other stuff is. I bow to you.

So is Steven Tyler really a dude?

Sela Toki said...

Just looking at the size of the cake confirms it all. You are a Super-good-mom Helene. I must confess though, having 7 children, the birthday cake thing can get tiresome. Now they're lucky to have a cup cake. You're blog always cracks me up. Love it and thanks for dropping by on mine.

Karen Peterson said...

Those are really incredible, Helene!

How many people are at these parties, though? Because, seriously, with two cakes, you must have enough to last until the next birthday!

Karen Peterson said...

Not that that's a bad thing. ;-)

ashley @ ashley's adventures in alaska said...

Your cakes are phenomenal!! My children are going to be lucky to get their names scrawled across the top of a great cake. (I can't decorate cakes to save my life but rock at baking them.) Glad to see you survived another round of birthday cakes. :)

HoneyDame said...

I had commented before but now I cant find it. Anyway, can you adopt me? think of the perks,
1)You dont have too bake such tasking cake for me.
2)I am not a twin.
Wont that be refreshing?
LEt me know what you say though a rejection will break my tender heart into a million cake pieces.

Michelle said...

Your cakes look amazing! I don't think you should give it up. I like making cakes but I am not nearly as good as you.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I nearly died of jealousy when i saw these on fb. I am in awe of you. SUPERMOM!!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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