Monday, October 31, 2011

Those damn Francois Langur monkeys have all the luck...

One night after the kids were in bed, Tim and I were actually sharing space in the same room.

But wait...that's not the actual story.  Just thought I'd point it out because it's a rare occurrence.

The news was blaring on the television and suddenly the reporter's voice caught my attention, as he recounted the story of an orange baby monkey who had been born at a zoo recently.  A Francois Langur monkey, he announced proudly, as if he had given birth to the monkey himself.

I know, I know...monkeys are born every day, but wait, it gets better.  Trust me.

The reporter continued with the story, discussing how the other female monkeys will take the baby from the mother so the mother can have a break.

Tim cackled hysterically as I screamed, "WTF?! Where the hell is MY monkey? I need one of those to come here and give ME a break!!"

Yes, people....apparently, in the world of the Francois Langur monkey there is a thing called "aunting", where when a female gives birth to a baby, all the other females in the group who are not yet mothers, will come take care of the baby so the mother can rest.

As I watched the video of these amazing monkeys, I sat there in disbelief.

One of the "aunt" monkeys had to literally pry the baby monkey away from its mother in order to force her to take a well-deserved break.  All the other childless monkeys gathered around the aunt to help her care for the baby while the mother rested in a nearby tree.

Color me disillusioned but I don't remember any childless friends knocking down my front door, demanding that I hand over my newborn twins so I could rest my weary body, after having been doped up with an epidural and gutted like a fish.

Nor were there any well-meaning family members forcing me to temporarily discontinue the endless routine of mixing formula, measuring breast milk, cleaning bottles and changing diapers to give me a much needed mini-siesta.

Oh, but the unsolicited advice and harsh judgments (along with a huge side dish of guilt) came aplenty.  Of course.

"Don't wake the babies up to feed them.  That's so cruel," they would argue.

"Why are you supplementing with formula?  Have you tried everything possible to make more breast milk?" they would accuse.

"I can't believe you let those babies sleep in their car seats!" they would scrutinize.

The way I see it, those people who claim that monkeys are smarter than human beings may be onto something.  Lord knows, they certainly appear to be more thoughtful than we tend to be with one another.

Instead of giving away free cars, I believe Oprah should've been giving away monkeys.

"To every exhausted, overwhelmed mother in this audience today, you get a monkey!  You get a monkey!  And you get a monkey!  Everybody. Gets. A. Monkey."


Sure, I may be coming off as a little bitter...and, yeah, I'm still seething with envy.    

Those damn Francois Langur monkeys have all the luck.



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28 comments:

Shari said...

Seriously - as the mother of triplets, this really hit home. I want a monkey!! I'm dying laughing!

Shell said...

I want a freaking monkey.

Heather said...

A monkey would be great about now!

Emmy said...

Okay I am jealous of a Monkey now too!

Singedwingangel said...

Smarter because they know the value of a village to raise children. They have learned the gift of a community to rely on, something we as people have lost in our efort to become faster, better, smarter richer. Now look at us. Many being forced to go back to what our grandparents knew all along. Family is not just blood they are all around you and live in your neighborhood.

Missy said...

The animal world has it right, apparently. I can't believe this story!

Cascia Talbert said...

Heck yeah! I agree we should all get monkeys. My childless friends didn't knock on my door either when my babies were born. That would have been pretty nice, though. I could sure use a break.

Samantha said...

Oh my gah! I need a friggin' monkey...NOW!

Eva Gallant said...

There was a time when I could have used a monkey, too. Great story!

SherilinR said...

i think there are a lot of moms who wouldn't need to have the baby pried away. and we wouldn't care of the female taking the baby had kids or not. we just need a damn break for our delightful little suckers.

Nezzy said...

We see the same kinda practice with the wild~eyed cattle. Each day the babies and juvenile calves will have a sitter' mother who will watch over the littles while the other Mama cows graze without distraction.

You'd think we belonged to some sub~culture humans who don't give a care if ya get a break from your kiddos or not, huh???

God bless and have a booootiful evenin' sweetie!!! :o)

Karen Peterson said...

I don't know. When I tried to take my infant nephew, my sister-in-law just wasn't having it. Maybe I shouldn't have said something about leaving the country...

Sarah said...

People would pry mine away only to give them back as soon as it made too much noise or smelled bad. Where the hell is a monkey when you need one?

Rhiannon said...

LMAO!! how friggen true is this! TOTALLY! Most of my childless friends went running to the hills when i had a baby and never came back! WTF, the human species IS doing something wrong!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

Oh, Helene...I love it. I.Want.A.Monkey! Christmas, Valentine's Day, birthday, Mother's Day...I'm gonna keep asking.

I understand that elephants are pretty considerate, too.

Maybe trips to the zoo should be mandatory as part of the Home Ec curriculum.

HoneyDame said...

LMAO...One question Helene, Are you a monkey?!
If yes, when you get your monkey from Oprah, she might help care for your next set of twins (I run away before you stone me)
If no, those damn monkeys are probably genist! (Prejudice based on genes)

Candace Castor said...

Ill still take a monkey! My twins are a year old! :D Maybe if friends and family would adapt the monkeys ways I wouldnt get the stupid never ending comments such as "Im glad it was you and not me" "I have no idea how you do it" "I can hardly handle so-and-so, I couldnt handle two of him/her" etc, etc. Great post!! :D

Jenny said...

Monkeys are awesome! I know they do this in other cultures, where the Mom rests and other woman care for her and the baby. So opposite of at my house.

Lisa said...

Wow. In my next life, I'll be a monkey. :)

LazyCrazyMama said...

Oh my gosh!! Sign me up for a monkey!!!

Mercy D'souza said...

I'll take a monkey per child. My kids love animals so this would work just great ... so long as the monkey's are toilet trained. :) I don't need any more of those kinds of messes.

Barbara said...

Where is my monkey!! I would so take one over a car any day!

myinnerchick.com said...

----- all the other females in the group who are not yet mothers, will come take care of the baby so the mother can rest---

Omg, it sounds like "Sister Wives!!"

Kimberly said...

Dear Santa,
I want a monkey for Christmas.
Love me

Tamika said...

I had a monkey. Yep. I did.......


Then it ran away. With the flying pigs.


That just proves it right there - we are not descended from the apes.

Kim said...

My standard reply to my kids has been, "I'm not Dobby, the house elf. Do it/Get it/Figure it out yourself." I think I'm going to have to change it to, "I'm not your Francois Langur monkey."

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

This is awesome...a monkey officially made it on my list for my pregnant sister.

erwicker said...

The animal world has it right, apparently. I can't believe this story!

cribs for twins

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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