It's that time of year again.
Time for my family to invade a nearby pumpkin patch. We have to switch it up every year...you'll know why if you've read any of my posts from prior pumpkin patch visits.
This year, I was insistent on getting one decent picture of all 4 kids together so I could send out Christmas cards this year (instead of being that one lazy-ass friend who couldn't have been bothered).
The picture below was my first attempt.
Doesn't it just scream "Christmas card photo"....what with Bella and her fake smile, Garrett looking as if he's desperately trying not to fart, Cole with his pumpkin rolling off his head and Landon who looks as if he just found out the awful truth that he's not adopted.
We stumbled upon this lovely little group of pumpkins immediately upon arriving at the patch.
Garrett announced, "Hey, look...4 pumpkins, just like us!"
Bella was quick to squish his excitement, "No, there's 6 of us in our family!"
He argued, "Yeah, but we have 4 kids and so do they!"
Never one to let someone else have the last word, she argued back, "How do you know these are the kids? Where are the parents?"
Garrett responded, "Pumpkins don't have parents...DUH!"
The fun didn't end there, people.
Then they spent the next 5 minutes arguing over whether the bumpy pumpkin had a horrific case of warts or was just simply growing baby pumpkins on its skin....because that's how pumpkins procreate, in case you weren't aware.
Another potential Christmas card photo gone wrong, with Cole looking as if he's attempting to give birth to a pumpkin...out of his ass.
And Landon, who was trying to come up with yet another reason why it was okay for him to keep the watch that he found in the parking lot, even though I told him some poor kid had lost it and would be crying for days.
Yeah, here's another one, except I'm missing a kid...and didn't realize it until AFTER I took the picture.
What does that say about me as a mother? Uh, that was a rhetorical question, people.
In the farm area of the pumpkin patch, we spotted a mama goat with her babies. I felt bad for her as she kept trying to get her babies' attention.
I would imagine she was saying, "Yo, don't go near those little humans. Not only do they have strange looking eyes but they're covered in germs and snot. Now, come here and eat this lovely bale of hay that I've lovingly prepared for you."
And this is when I realized I could learn a lot from this mama goat. She pretty much said, "To hell with you, you little ungrateful goats...I'm gonna eat my lunch."
Screw Dr. Phil and all his worldly advice.
Say it with me, friends...another horrible Christmas card photo opp.
Not only did I shoot this picture from the wrong direction resulting in everyone's face being dark and shadowed but instead of standing near his beloved siblings, Cole is trying to hide a stick behind his back...which he intended on using to swat his sister in the back of the head shortly after the picture was taken.
Nothing says "Merry Christmas...we hope you have a peaceful holiday season with your loved ones" more than a young lad torturing his twin sister with a sharp object.
And this is also when I realized that Landon was now wearing the watch that I had told him to turn in to one of the workers at the pumpkin patch. Where's his freakin' Christmas spirit?
What could possibly be inside this little shack in the middle of the corn field that had other kids running away in fright?
You think my kids were afraid?
Hell no...after witnessing a gaggle of small children practically stumbling over one another to get away from the shack, mine were running towards it with excitement.
Inside the shack, lives a scary werewolf who howls at little children and bares his sharp, bloodstained teeth.
Or, as my kids referred to it, "Hey guys, look. It's Mommy when she gets mad at us!"
I just love Bella and her "queen of the world" pose in this next picture.
Every girl needs a brother who has her back...unless of course it's to shove her IN the back off of a tall haystack so he can have center stage for once.
Obviously, this pic won't be making the Christmas card either.
This next pic may actually be included on the Christmas card, only because I love Landon's pose, as if he's saying to himself, "I really really really wish I was adopted because the thought of being part of this family for the rest of my life makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty fork".
And he's still wearing that damn watch!
This little guy...well, I guess he's not so little...waddled his way over to us and wanted the kids to pet him.
Yeah, a turkey who likes to be touched by young children. But I guess if you knew you were going out with a bang as the main meal on someone's Thanksgiving dinner table, you'd want to live it up while you could too.
This sweet, unsuspecting bunny got passed around from kid to kid to kid to kid...it was a never-ending circle of snotty-nosed kids crying, "I wanna hold the bunny".
The poor bunny finally closed its eyes and pretended to fall asleep, which just confirms for me that rabbits are rather stupid.
The kids mistakenly assumed that the bunny was enjoying all the attention, resulting in the torture session being even more prolonged than necessary.
But then again, rabbits don't have the luxury of high-tailing it to the laundry room, where they can lock themselves inside with a tall glass of wine and tune out the outside world.
Notice there are no small whiny kids in this next picture...or animals...or even an unhappy, miserable husband who was threatened with his life if he didn't accompany his blessed family on a fun outing to the pumpkin patch.
Nope. Just an endless field of beautiful sunflowers, where I sat for a good 10 minutes...while my family was off in the near distance creating a chaotic mess of noise.
And I thought...in my next life I want to come back as this sunflower.
After sitting in that field of flowers and being one with nature, I felt an overwhelming sense of calmness and peace.
Not even the kids playing in the large pumpkin containers could shake me out of my zen state of mind.
Don't be surprised if the above picture ends up making the front of our Christmas card.
Yes, I'm perfectly aware (this time) that one kid is missing from the picture and that no one is posing, flashing a beautiful, flawless smile.
But that's so us. That's my family...imperfect, unbalanced and completely chaotic. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And so, my friends, that is what went down at the pumpkin patch this year.
Oh and Landon did end up turning the watch in...and it's a good thing because the family of the child who had lost the watch had come back looking for it. Guess my boy does have the Christmas spirit after all. At least one of them does.
This motherhood thing isn't for the weak
10 hours ago