Struggling with Cole and Bella to finish their homework, trying to convince Garrett and Landon to take turns on who would be Sonic on their Wii game...all the while doing my best to keep them quiet so Tim could work.
Why my husband still continues to work from home I'll never understand. Tim tries desperately to tuck himself away inside his little office upstairs...away from the whining (the kids), the yelling (me) and the crying (the kids...and me).
I've asked him...no, wait...I've begged him to go elsewhere to work. Panera Bread, the library, his dad's office...anywhere where there's capable Wi-Fi and comfortable seating. Perhaps not the quietest of places but certainly better than attempting to work from home, where the range of noise and chaos can be enough to make me want to puncture my eardrums with an ice pick.
It's stressful enough struggling to get everything done that needs to be done and keep the kids happy at the same time. But, add on top of that, constantly reminding the kids that Daddy is working and they need to keep the noise to a minimum is enough to send me over the edge.
By 4:00 pm on this particular day, I was close to the edge of that cliff, dangling off the side of it as if I was Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible...well, except he looked pretty damn cool hanging off the side of that cliff and I looked more like a frazzled, exhausted, desperate housewife.
Suddenly, I heard a voice calling to me, "Drink me. You know you want to."
I looked around but all I saw were kids. Kids arguing over whose pencil was whose, kids who were finally getting along while playing a video game but, at any minute, knowing full well that a fight could erupt.
I heard it again. "Psssst, over here. In the fridge."
The wine? Was the wine talking to me? *
Walking over to where it beckoned from, I opened up the fridge and it smiled seductively at me, "Hey, baby...I thought you'd never get here. Pop my cork and let's get reacquainted."
This invitation was too good to pass up. I rationalized in my head why it would be a good idea to have just a small glass of wine.
- It would help calm my nerves.
- Tim was home, even if he was working, so it wasn't like the kids were unsupervised.
- It would help calm my nerves.
However, as much as I tried, I could not get the talking bottle of wine to open. Talk about a cork-tease.
I yanked, I pulled...I forgot about the damn corkscrew.
Finally, after trying to rip the cork out with an unsuccessful death grip, I barged into Tim's office in a frenzy of irritation, "I'm self-medicating and I can't open this fuckin' bottle of wine!"
And...sure enough, he just happened to be on a conference call. A video conference call, no less.
"Uh, sweetie, I'm on a video call right now," he mumbled ever-so-slightly under his breath.
"Oh crap...I'm so sorry," I said, retreating from his office with the still unopened bottle of wine.
As the noise from downstairs quickly creeped into his office, he moved away from his computer, reached for the bottle and whispered, "Go get me the corkscrew."
Reason #976 why I love this man.
So there he sat on his video call, discussing software problems with a colleague while prying open a bottle of wine for his agitated wife.
Okay, make that #977 reasons why I love this man.
A short while later, as I happily stirred a pot of spaghetti for my hungry family, Tim came downstairs.
"Sorry about earlier. The kids, the noise...I was trying to keep them quiet. Epic fail, I know," I apologized.
He just smiled. "It's okay. I understand."
"Can you just please, from now on..." I began to say.
"Yeah, I'll try to work away from home more often," he finished.
And, that my friends, is one of the reasons why husbands should never work from home.
* Let me assure you that I clearly understand that bottles of wine do not talk. And, while I did drink wine on this one occasion while my kids were around, I do not engage in this type of behavior on a regular basis. I'm only feeling the need to add this because I know there are some people out there who will will not get my humor and may read more into this than there is. So save yourself the harsh, judgmental anonymous comments.