Friday, December 2, 2011

I confess....

It's been awhile since I've confessed so here goes....

1)  I confess that I failed to take a picture of my kids on Thanksgiving, as we sat around the table enjoying a delicious dinner and talking about all the things we were grateful for.

But you can bet your sweet ass I remembered to take a picture of my scrumptious 16-pound turkey, which I cooked to perfection...



2)  I confess that I'm envious of those moms who (wisely) have one baby at a time.  Yes, the circus freak in me desires to be "normal".   Who knew?

3)  I confess I watched the series premiere of Kim and Kourtney Take New York.  Like, I'm not proud of this admission but it was like a train wreck that I could not tear my eyes away from.  Like, you know?

4)  I confess that while watching that God-awful reality show I found myself wondering why no one has come up with the "Like, you know" drinking game.  Like, you know, every time Kim or Kourtney says the phrase "Like, you know", you have to take a shot.

But then again, you really wouldn't be able to keep track of the word because like, you know, you'd be drunk within the first 6 minutes of the show.

5)  I confess that I threatened to use the picture below of Cole on our Christmas card since he refused to give me a decent smile...


However, after he cried for what seemed like an eternity and accused me of forever ruining his life if I dared to follow through on my threat, I couldn't continue with the "evil" act.  I chose another picture...a much more friendlier picture of him.

And, yes, he now owes me his first born child.

6)  I confess that when my sister told me that my 14-year old nephew said, "Helene's so funny on Facebook.  Where does she come up with this stuff?  Why aren't you like that?", I actually felt superior to her for once.  


My first thought was, "Hahahaha, your kid thinks I'm cool.  I actually have this whole 'cool parent' thing in the bag!"

Don't worry.  I was hit square in the face with the realization that no matter how cool other kids might think I am, my own kids will probably be mortified by my every action.

6)  I confess that as witty and sarcastic as I can be at times, I was at a total loss when Garrett came home from preschool recently and announced that one of his little friends told him that Santa Claus was not real.

I freaked the hell out and immediately put out an S.O.S. on Facebook for suggestions on what to do. Most everyone recommended the "you don't believe, you don't receive" method of handling such an extreme situation, which I did.

He had already told his siblings the bit of juicy information that his friend had shared with him so I sat down with all of them and gave them the speech.  They fell for it...hook, line and sinker.

Until the other day, when Bella told me they're plotting to capture Santa Claus when he enters our home on Christmas eve.  And if there's one thing I know about my children, they will not rest until they have him in their clutches.

These kids are going to drive me to an early grave.  Lord help me.



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26 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You are pretty dang hilarious! And your kids probably won't be mortified by EVERYTHING you do. Only about half of it. But that's the great fun in having kids - embarrassing them. Seriously, it's one of my favorite things about parenting. You will freaking LOVE it.
Poor Santa. I will be worried about him now.

HoneyDame said...

LMAO.....He owes you his first born? Pray tell, Helene, what do you plan on doing with the poor child?!!!


Your blog is like therapy, I swear!

Samantha said...

I watched the season premiere of Kim & Kortney Take New York too. What a train wreck that was! What a flippin' jerk that Kris Humphries is...naked yoga really did him in? Most guys would be all about watching their woman do some naked yoga. Anyway...I only watched it because I knew they were gonna show the demise of the Kim/Kris relationship on television. Who doesn't want to see a marriage fail on television? Ok...I'm bad.

Anywho...you should've done what I did with the whole Santa thing. I started out telling Bree that Santa wasn't real, and now she thinks I'm the idiot because Santa is real!

Nezzy said...

I have to admit girl, you are a hoot but look at what ya have to feed off of! Heeehehehe!!!

Poor babies, it's always tragic when they find out Santa (is the spirit of givin').

So ya'll have a mad plan dreamed up so the kiddos can snag Santa? It could be fun....'Just sayin'....

I always enjoy my time over ere sweetie!

God bless ya'll (every one) and have a beautiful weekend!!!! :o)

Nezzy said...

HERE....I always enjoy my time over HERE!!!

I do need to look up when I type!

Heeeheheheh!!!!

Lisa said...

I love, love the turkey confession.

What a jerk that kid is. Have them watch Polar Express. The main character is a kid who's not sure he believes....

Singedwingangel said...

Ok so they plan on catching Santa. Might I suggest you slip them each a Melatonin on Christmas Eve. it is a natural thign our body produces and giving them one isn't going to hurt them but will get them to sleep. Them have them make reindeer food, put some dirty boot prints in the house where they can be swept up. I had a friend who set out carrot and then put them through a food processor to make them look like they were chewed up.

Eva Gallant said...

That was a totally fun post! Your drinking game is bound to be a huge success! I also love the way your kids think.

Aubrey S. said...

Plotting to capture Santa? LMAO. They need to be reminded that Santa knows when kids are not asleep and doesn't come to their house.

Have a fabulous weekend.

Missy said...

I've never seen one of your confession posts - love it! I can't believe a preschooler came home with that knowledge. Ouch. I'm worried as heck that my 4th grader's going to figure it out any day now.

edshunnybunny said...

Thanks for another great post! You had me laughing all the way through :) Life at your house is never dull. Thanks for sharing...

Natalie said...

This is awesome!! I so want to link up...gotta check it out!

Like you know, cuz I love sharing stuff about myself. ;)

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

So funny! Well in order to get some sleep yourself on Christmas Eve, help them with the plan and then buy a black boot to put in whatever contraption they make. :)

Jill said...

This is my first time visiting your blog, and I must say, you have me LOL'ing! Right off the top, with the fact that you didn't photograph your kids on Thanksgiving, but remembered the bird - priorities! haha!!

I was one of those "I'm gonna catch Santa in the act" kids, and that's the reason Santa's cover was blown for me. I stayed up late enough one year that I heard them bringing the gifts up from the basement, and walked out to catch them. Be prepared! :)

Twingle Mommy said...

Hmmm catching Santa in the act???? I have no help to offer with that problem.
We tracked Santa with my niece one year and told her once he hit NY, the west coast kids had to go to bed or the computer would signal Santa and he would skip our house. It worked!

My Mercurial Nature said...

Oh no, if my littlest came home saying someone told her Santa wasn't real I'd go NUTSO! I might have to hunt down the child... :-/ btw, your turkey looks AWESOME!

MommaKiss said...

good lookin' turkey, ya turkey!

The whole santa's not real thing, well, i can't face it. just can't.

i've been told by more than one person that i'm their '#1 funny person on fb' - i'd like a trophy saying that please.

Jenny said...

Yikes about the Santa thing. That always seems to happen when the kids get to school...some other kid has an older sibling that spills the beans and ruins it for the whole school. LOL!

I remember us sleeping with flashlights, so we could go to see if Santa brought the presents yet.

Forgetfulone said...

TWO sets of twins? One was enough for me! I always wondered what it was like to only have one baby. But I never found out.

Shell said...

I just pretend I don't hear my oldest when he tells me about kids who say there is no Santa!

Candace Castor said...

I didnt take pictures of any kind on Thanksgiving! I brought the camera but did not touch it. It was the boys first time eating turkey... I wanted to take pictures but I was too busy wanting to eat I guess! And I have had one kid then twins... The only difference is with the first one she was constantly held and with the twins they never get carried around- they are always in their stroller. My back thanks me! :D

Nolie said...

I am dreading the Santa is not real thing. Especially since they are taking Christmas out of schools to not make those who don't celebrate feel excluded I am scared he will hear it will soon at school and he is only 4. I am tempted to put him in Catholic school next year to hopefully hang on to our beliefs and celebrations longer I confess that yes that is a total wrong way of thinking but I don't want others ruining what I work hard for when it comes to my kid.

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha.

I like that picture. You should totally use that for the card.

And I watched that Kardashian show and was weirded out. What's an oil enema? Ew!

myinnerchick.com said...

---The turkey looks Delish!!

You. Are. Soooo. Funny.

Love your blog. X

Karen Peterson said...

I think you need to pull a fast one on them on Christmas Eve. If they insist on staying awake to try to capture Santa Claus, remind them that he knows if they're awake. If that doesn't work, hide (I mean, tell Santa to hide) their presents somewhere besides under the tree, like in the garage or the backyard.

Sela Toki said...

Love all of it but my favorite one is the one about your sister. How you feel superior to her for once. So funny. As always you never fail to make me laugh. Thank you. I needed that.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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