Monday, December 19, 2011

That moment when...

1)  you laugh hard at something that someone just told you and a little piece of snot comes shooting out of your nose.

2)  your husband is on speaker phone with his mom...as you walk into the room, unknowingly, and say, "Good God, your mother can be SO freakin' annoying".

3)  you give your kids free reign to choose whatever board game they want you to play with them...and they pick the one that has tons of little pieces and tons of fake money.

4)  your cell phone call gets cut off while you're out in public but you don't want to seem like a total loser so you just say, "Okay...well, talk to you later".

5)  the elevator doors close and you look at the person next to you and wonder if you could handle being trapped with him/her for even a couple hours in the event of a major elevator fail.

6)  you're 6 months pregnant with twins and someone asks you when you're due...and you pretend to be horrified as you answer, "Uh, I'm not pregnant" just because that's your idea of entertainment.

7)  while waiting in your car with the windows down in the school's parking lot for a couple of your kids to get out, your other kids are arguing in the car when one of them shouts, "Well, you have wrinkly old man balls"....just as the principal happens to stroll by.

8)  you're singing a Justin Bieber song in your car and notice the person in the car next to you is staring...and laughing hysterically.

9)  you're in the middle of telling some friends what you thought would be an interesting story...only to realize halfway through that, in all actuality, they will probably find the story pretty damn stupid.

10)  your daughter is happily swinging herself around a pole at the crowded playground...and then she bellows, proudly, "Mommy, take a video of me dancing on this pole and send it to everyone."

11)  you're at the store and a woman walks over, greets you by name and then starts chatting you up...and you can't remember who the hell she is because neither of you have your kids with you, which is pretty much the ONLY way you remember most people these days.

12)  you take your kids into a public restroom where they shout, "Eeeeew, someone took a massive dump in here"...right as the guilty person comes out of the bathroom stall.

13)  you brag to your kids about how you used to ride your bike with no hands when you were younger...right as you attempt to do it as an adult and swerve into a street light.

14)  everyone sits at a 4-way stop waiting for the other person to go and then they all try to go at the same time...only to have to slam on their brakes and do the "no, you go" courtesy wave all over again.

15)  there's an awkward silence after you've asked someone how they are and they simply say, "fine" without asking how you are in return.



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28 comments:

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

1) No snot missiles, but definitely snorting and weeing just a little bit.
3) Or they choose the new game that requires assembling and reading of instructions.
4) Yikes! I didn't know it was loserdom to have a bad network connection. My area is full of losers.
5) This has never before occurred to me as a possibility; now I will always think this when I step into an elevator with someone else.
7) Wrinkly old man balls. That's it. You have just made my day with that one!

SherilinR said...

i'm thinking the wrinkly old man balls comment probably made the principal's day!
and i've totally done the random "fine" thing when no one actually asked how i was. cuz i'm uncool like that too.

Emmy said...

The principal one is the best! Or worst :). Too funny. I never can remember anyones name- so I have had to learn a lot of ways around conversations ensuring I never have to say thier names.

Missy said...

Yep, to all of those! Except I don't think my kids have ever accused each other of smelling like old man balls. But, then again, there's a lot of toot accusations!

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

LOL on the pole dancer. :-)

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

#4 - I thought you were just supposed to stand there screaming "Hello? HELLO??? WTF?"

#6 - Totally did it which is why you and I are soul sisters.

#12 - It was me, not the Crazies.

I have many moments that are locked in my phone somewhere...love those moments.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Love this post - can relate to so many, esp number 12's awkwardness.... :)

did number 2 really happen? I would DIE and start world war 3 but that's another issue!

Kmama said...

#9 has happened to me way too many times. I HATE when that happens!!

Brooke said...

"the elevator doors close and you look at the person next to you and wonder if you could handle being trapped with him/her for even a couple hours in the event of a major elevator fail."

i've never thought that, but will now every time i set foot in one. and will take the stairs far more often. thanks.

Jen said...

Oh how I love your sense of humor. It is so awesome.

Heather said...

The principal probably blogged about the balls comment :)

Nezzy said...

Heeehehehe!!! I love your list! Geez Louise, never a dull moment...huh!!!

Ya'll need to come to the farm where you could just turn 'em out!!! It always did my heart good to see 'em swingin' on gates and jumpin' hay bales after embarassin' the tar outta me! :o)

God bless and have yourself one fantastic day!!! :o)

Samantha said...

Those all made me giggle! Around here with four way stops, everyone just flashes their lights, signaling the other person to go until only one person remains. It's funny.

Lisa said...

I love this list so much. It makes me smile.

Eva Gallant said...

Great list! I'll be chuckling about it for most of the day! Especially about Bella the pole dancer!

Shell said...

I love that you said you weren't pregnant. OMG. Total mortification for that person!

Barbara said...

I have done #2 and yes it sucks! ;)

Karen Peterson said...

Mine's usually spit instead of snot, but both are pretty embarrassing.

And one time I was singing a Gwen Stefani song at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down. Someone in the next car was mocking me. I looked over and discovered it was a very cute coworker.

This Daddy said...

After the couple years I have been following you and you still come with some classic stuff lady. Tim is a lucky man and your kids are too.

Natalie said...

Ha ha this hilarious! I love the one about the bathroom and the dancing around the pole!

MommaKiss said...

6? Totally done that. Except not with twins, even though I looked like it. The person still avoids me in the halls. I like it that way.

Cascia Talbert said...

They all made me laugh, but I can't say that anything like that has happened to me. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Brad Jenkins said...

Great list! Similar to number 6, when we're asked if our girls are twins I like to reply "No, my wife gestates at an incredible pace."

Same concept, and loads of fun!

http://papatwotwingirls.blogspot.com/

myinnerchick.com said...

--Superb.


--- "Mommy, take a video of me dancing on this pole and send it to everyone."---

Classic :))) XX HAAaaa

Jenny said...

These are hilarious!

I hate when Abby makes bathroom comments. It's so embarrassing! Speaking of the bathroom, a funny thing happened the other day. A lady that had bells on her shoes, came into the stall next to my sister, started taking a dump WHILE on the phone with a car repair place! ROTF!

Kimberly said...

Oh my...#12 happened to me the other day.
Because of my tummy woes, I almost lost 1/4 of my bowel in Walmart. I ran...ok it was more like a tight butt fast walk...to the toilet.
There was no one in there.
I tried to courtesy flush...but the stupid toilet was one of those sensor ones that only flush when you stand...so I wasn't standing.
Then all of a sudden a family of 3 came in...
And of all the stalls they chose they pick the handicap one right next to my stall.
And of course the kids were saying things like
"What's that smell"
and
"Someone is taking a nasty poop"

I...ummm...yea..
So embarrasing.

Sela Toki said...

All hilarious Helene. Happens to everyone except #6. Not everyone is lucky enough to have twins. I have always prayed for it but never got it. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Thanks for the laughs.

GAMZu said...

Our library is notorious for having an elevator that always breaks down. Every other time that we come it's not working. I used to let my older kids walk up the steps while I went in the elevator with the baby in the carriage, and then I realized it would be very bad if it breaks while I'm inside and the kids won't know what to do.

Anyway, once we were leaving the library, and the family in front of us had a carriage as well, and one or two walking kids. We'd all fit together, but I'm slightly claustrophobic, so I let them go first. Well, they got stuck. We watched the fire department arrive and try to get them out. They were stuck less than half an hour, but I'm glad we weren't there! More oxygen for them. :)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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