Tim and I are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary today.
Well, "celebrating" may be too strong of a word. It's not like we'll be enjoying a quiet, romantic dinner while reminiscing about the days where we used to sleep until 12:00 noon and had nothing but time on our hands.
You know, before kids.
As I've written before, marriage is hard work. Just like parenting, really. But, of course, no one tells you that as you're about to head down the aisle.
Just like no one says, as your first born is crowning, "Uh, by the way, parenting is the hardest, most challenging thing you'll ever do. You're never gonna sleep a solid 38 minutes ever again as long as you live! Oh, and you might as well kiss your perky boobs and your flat tummy goodbye."
Here are some things I wished I would have known ahead of time....
1) You should understand that when the television is on, he will not hear you nor pay one ounce of attention to you. And don't even think stripping down to your birthday suit and screaming, "The house is on fire" will work. Because I've tried it...and it's a no-go.
Go ahead and make your peace with it. Take up blogging and bitch about him on the internet, instead.
2) Referring to his job as a "vacation" will, more than likely, not go over well. Even if you think he just sits around the office all day, updating his Facebook status with lame quotes and taking advantage of every single second of his lunch break, never EVER voice your thoughts out loud to him.
3) Men cannot read your thoughts. And, trust me, he doesn't want to. If you want the latest Kindle for your birthday, you better come right out and tell him. Better yet, write it down and tape it to his forehead the day before your birthday.
Best to go for the direct approach instead of spending your special day all angry and hurt.
4) By the same token, don’t expect a huge surprise party when you turn the Big 4-0. Unless someone has threatened his life, he’ll never go all out because he knows that this only raises the bar. You see, he’ll believe that if he does this, you’ll expect bigger and better the following year…and so on and so forth.
And let’s face it…he’s right. There’s no shame in admitting that.
4) Men love to play helpless. Don't let them fool you. They'll sit there and look as if they're struggling in the kitchen, when in fact, they really want you to rush in there and say, "Look, you get out of here...let me take care of this".
I know it's in your nature to want to rescue him but don't. I mean, really....is he that unskilled to where he can't operate a damn microwave to make himself a couple chicken nuggets and a cup of soup?
5) If you think he’s going to romance you every night of the week, you’re mistaken. There are some men, like…say Tim for example…who believe that once they’re married, they don’t need to pour on the romance any longer. See, he thinks you’re a “sure thing” so he doesn’t feel like he has to step it up to make you give it up. Make sense?
But that’s where he’s wrong. Just because you have that big rock on your finger doesn’t mean you’ve lost the ability to say “Sorry, honey. Not tonight”.
It’s important for him to make you feel special. As if there’s no other woman on the planet who can rock his world…or launder his dirty underwear, for that matter.
6) In-laws. Should we even go there? Well, too late.
He wants you and his mother to be BFF's. But not because he thinks she's the most fabulous person in the world to get along with but more because he wants HER out of his hair and he wants YOU out of his hair.
Therefore, if you and his mom are besties, he doesn't have to listen to either of you complain about the other.
Don't feel guilty if you don't want to hang out with your MIL for hours on end. He doesn't want to hang out with her either. Believe that.
7) Unless you announce it loudly in his face 23 times within a 12-hour period, he probably won’t remember the important dates and milestones you wish he could easily recall. Like, the day you met, what you wore on your first date with him, the first song you danced to at your wedding…maybe (dare I say it) the day of your anniversary.
Don’t be too surprised, though, if he remembers (in vivid detail) the first time you had sex with one another, what position you did it in and what his thoughts were right at that exact moment.
Don’t believe me? Go ahead….ask your man if he remembers the details from your first date. Then ask him what he remembers from the first time you two had sex.
Shocking, isn’t it?
8) All the things that you found so sweet and endearing about your man BEFORE you were married? Well, those are the same things you will come to despise over the years.
Yeah, like his unique laugh which was once music to your ears....will now annoy the hell out of you. The way he nervously chewed on his nails every time you came around....will now drive you to the brink of insanity.
And, perhaps, most importantly....
9) Even though you'll go through peaks and valleys throughout your marriage, he will be that one constant companion who you can count on through thick and thin.
Yes, even when he irritates you so madly that you literally want to claw his eyeballs out, he will be your biggest supporter...your most loyal fan.
He's the one person who will have your back no matter what. Don't ever forget that.
Because once kids enter the mix and you're in the thick of it, you'll be sitting right next to him on the sofa but you might as well be a million miles away from one another.
He'll feel like a stranger on most days and you'll have to force yourself to re-connect with him, at times.
But it's so worth it.
Marriage is definitely so worth it.
What do you wish someone had told you about marriage ahead of time?