Thursday, January 12, 2012

Dear Jersey Shore Cast...guest post courtesy of The Literal Mom

Today's entertaining guest post comes to you from the beautiful and talented Missy at Literal Mom.

You know how when you stumble upon a blog for the first time and after reading merely a few paragraphs of one of the posts, you feel instantly drawn in?  Kind of like coming home after a long vacation?   You feel an overwhelming connection to this blogger, as if you've been lifelong friends, and you just know if you were to get together in person, your friendship would be the kind where you finish each other's sentences.

That's how I feel about Missy.  I ran across her blog one day and have not stopped reading since.

She is a devoted wife to her loving husband and the mother of two precious daughters, as well as an active community volunteer, an advocate for childhood education and a leader in several community organizations.

Not only is Missy witty, funny and incredibly sweet, she writes with such purpose and honesty. She's not afraid to put her thoughts and experiences on parenting out there for the world to read.  Missy writes about things that some of us are afraid to admit, such as when our kids get hurt and we get more caught up in what others think of our parenting skills rather than our injured child.

She has helped me to become a better mother....a THINKING mother, which is the whole point behind Literal Mom.  

I hope you enjoy this hilarious guest post from her!  And after reading it, please leave Missy some comment love and then go to Literal Mom and be sure to subscribe!  


Dear Jersey Shore Cast 

The-jersey-shore-cast-strikes-a-poseI want  to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you've done to change pop culture and how our yutes today view their role in society and, more specifically, drinking establishments. 

My husband and I recently went out on New Year's Eve with some good friends of ours.  Good friends whom we've had copious amounts of alcohol in public places  socialized with before.  So we know each other and like to "have each other's backs," much like you do when you go out to find out who's DTF for the evening. 

And that raises my first "thank you" of this letter.

The DTF What a witty way to describe a woman who's willing to engage in what we used to call a "one-night-stand."  I think it's really quite ingenious of you to incorporate it not only into your lingo with each other, but to use it as a pick up line!  What better way to learn if a woman is "DTF - down to fuck" than by asking her! 

I understand how a man wants to know the end result of his evening's work.

Being a married woman myself, I'm sure my husband greatly appreciates that I'm a sure bet on our nights out.  Or DTF, as you would say. I think, though, if I have one bit of advice, it would be to recognize that I am not DTF to YOU.  I am DTF to my HUSBAND.  Therefore, if you come up and start the DTF dance on me (see below) and my husband taps you on the shoulder and says, "That's my wife," your response should not be "I don't see a ring on her finger." 

And when he takes said ringed finger and shoves it in your face so that you do indeed see it, your next response should not be, "Yeah, well, she's dancing. It looks like she likes it to me."

That kind of thing doesn't go over well with a married man of 14 years whose wife drank too much and is now dancing like it's still the 80s enjoying a night out with his wife. 

To the ladies in regard to DTF, how nice it is for YOU to not have to worry about the mixed signals you may send through the evening.  Now, thanks to the Jersey Shore men, you have the chance to answer yes, no, or maybe later when asked if you are DTF. 

Which brings me to my second reason to thank you:

DTF Dancing.  I really like how you've taken dancing to the next level.  I love how you double team drunk girls (I'm quite sure it's to help them stand up from massive alcohol consumption and has nothing to do with an animalistic desire to have a 3-way with her) and I love how you've taken things that used to be left for the bedroom and exposed them for public consumption! 

How I would have loved to be in college and have a guy I barely knew come up behind me, grasp my hips and start rubbing his money maker all over my booty.  Really, really a boost in confidence that most girls need.  

And to the girls, I love the outfits you wear to both encourage booty dancing and make it easier to booty dance effectively.

Which brings me to my next reason to thank you.

The Booty Dress.  Your dresses!  My have they shortened in the past several years!  That must be so helpful to the men who want to DTF with you.  And that's so nice of you.  Recently I saw a particularly stunning booty dress.  It was so high and so tight, the wearer could show "crack" from the bottom, NOT the top.  Isn't that neat?  So she didn't have plumber's crack, she had booty dress crack. 
And let me tell you, the men were loving it. 

After 4 drinks too many Because I am a mother, I felt it only right to go and remind them that she is someone's daughter and maybe her parents wouldn't want to see you men reaching up under her dress and patting her crack-showing bottom.  But I didn't have to, because after it rode up even higher, arguably over her entire bottom, she must have felt the breeze, so she pulled it right back down where it belonged, just under the bottom of her bottom.  With a teensy little bit of crack hanging out.

Finally, my 4th reason to thank you.

The TMT.  Oddly, this acronym is close to TNT - dynamite.  The TMT is what I like to think of as Too Much Testosterone.  But I imagine it can also be the TME - Too Much Estrogen. 

And you guys haven't even coined this acronym yet!  This one's all me.  You are welcome.  Just don't try to sue Abercrombie if they put it on a t-shirt - that's my job, K?

Anyway.  Back to TMT.  I really like how you, all of you, will fight with anyone, anytime, anywhere when alcohol, DTFs and Booty Dresses are in play.  And I got to see this phenomenon you've created first hand on New Year's Eve! 

And that was so nice, because we didn't go out on New Year's Eve to have fun with friends, dance and ring in the new year together.  We actually did go out to see if we could re-create a Jersey Shore moment. And when so many of your proteges were on-location with us, our evening became a fait accompli.
All thanks to you.  The DTF.  The Booty Dress.  And testosterone. 

So thanks again for all you've done for popular culture.  I CAN'T WAIT until my girls are old enough to learn from you first hand!


The Literal Mom Registered & Protected


Missy said...

I'm blushing from all that nice stuff you said above. Especially when it precedes a post like this! Thanks for the honor of posting here! Love ya!

Amanda Phrakonkham said...

Baahaahaaaaa! I love the gratitude that is spewing all over this post for the lovely folks of the Jersey Shore. That show really "cracks" (no pun intended) me up but it terrifies me at the same time. I do hope someone can't trump them in the later years of our children's adolescents. Thank you for the laughs today ;)

Eva Gallant said...

I still remember seeing Snookie's mom on a talk show saying how proud she is of her daughter.(???)

Brad Jenkins said...

Good stuff!

I only recently became aware of the DTF statement from a relative that is in college. I didn't realize it was a Shore thing, as I can honestly say I think I saw enough in one commercial to help me decide it probably wasn't something I would ever get hooked on...or enjoy in the least.

Having the DTF statement around when I was in college sure would have changed the whole dating thing. Seriously, though, if you're wearing those outfits, do you really need to say DTF or can it just be assumed?

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

What a great post. I can't even watch it anymore. I haven't for years. It's worse than Jerry Springer.

Nezzy said...

What a wonderful guest post. It was sure great meetin' that funny gal, "The Literal Mom". I'm crackin' up here!!! What a hoot!

Thank for sharin' her with us sweetie.

God bless ya and have a warm fuzzy kinda day!!!

Tiffany said...

That was pretty hilarious! I have never been a fan of Snookie, nor will I ever be. And by God, my daughter better never dress or act like her either.

Rhiannon said...

i just learned DTF right now. classic!

michelle @ this little light said...

I'm crying laughing right now. I'm a week shy of 41, which I consider quite young, but nothing makes me feel older than my urge to say "For Heaven's sake, cover yourself up!" when I see young girls everywhere walking around in shorts, tank tops, and Uggs. And that's in the dead of winter. I guess it's Jersey Shore that I have to thank for this ridiculousness. Oy vey!

Great post!

Kimberly said...

I confess:
I love that show. I seriously do. It kind of makes me feel better about myself.
And deters me from getting skin cancer from those tanning beds.

Cristin said...

Holy cow! I've never watched Jersey Shore... and never plan to. I think the entire cast should all be sent to their own island and left there.... without cameras, the internet, or Booty Dresses. :-)

Stefenie said...

Priceless. This cracked me up!!! Ha!

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

ARGH! It's stuff like this that makes me want to not let Donut out of the house! It's pretty sad, isn't it??

angela said...

I am giggling. DH and I were just talking about the influence the Jersey Shore has had on today's "fashion"! He will get a kick out of this.

Emmy said...

Oh you got all Jersey Shored! Is that a term too? It should be. I learned so much from this post- I will never be the same. So next time when I put on my booty dress I will know what to say to all the boys out there ;)

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Hahahaha!! Oh Missy, you're hilarious!

Now, excuse me while I practice my Jersey Turnpike moves in my booty dress.

Galit Breen said...

Oh, my reality show loving heart loves this post, sweet Missy!


Claroux said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE your post!!!! I actually LIVE on the Jersey Shore - but about 40 minutes south of where the show is filmed. I believe it's filmed in Seaside Heights. Growing up - and especially as I entered the bar scene we liked to call it "Sleeze-side Heights." So the only thing that's really changed is that now their "style" has become a national phenom. I have never watched the show. I've seen commercials and it makes me cringe with embarrassment to live "Down the Shore" in NJ. I grew up and still live in a quaint fishing / clamming village and can assure you that NO ONE in my two dresses like that!!!!

I wasn't aware of the booty dress until I recently took my Mom and her sister down to Atlantic City for dinner at my Mom's request. This is also a place a avoid like the plague. I was sitting with my Mom while she played the slots people watching and HOLY SHIT! Most girls that walked by had not only their booties hanging out but you could almost see their "too-ha's" up front. Seriously. Who walks out of a house like that and thinks they look GOOD? Strippers maybe...In fact, my college-age cousin that was with us turned to me and said "this new Jersey Shore fashion thing must make it really difficult for the hookers in AC. Maybe they have to wear signs now." Then she went on to say she hopes girls in booty dresses don't get upset when men solicit them for sex. She said it would be like her walking around in a police uniform and when someone asked her for help she would say - I'm not a cop. I just dress like one.

It makes me fear for what society will be like when my twins hit the teenage years. Oy!

Tiffany said...

LOL! I've never seen the show, I've tried to but can't make it through. But now I totally want to hang out with you though! said...

--I Cannot watch this so-called-show.

It takes away brain-cells and I need all I can get, babe!


Wombat Central said...

My eyes are still trying to recover from "butt cleavage with a dash of thong" peep shows that extra low-cut jeans provide. I can't even conceive of someone going out with their booty actually hanging out of a dress. I'd say that outfit has DTF written all over. No need to ask.

Great post, Missy! :)

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

LOL, maybe it's for the best we don't have tv ;-) Great post!

Adie said...

ha ha I loved reading todays guest post. I watch that show, its a guilty pleasure.

SHARM said...

I have not watch this show, It did not attracted me at all during the commercials. But now I know what the show is about. Not only that I also learned some abbreviations I never knew.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I am cracking up! Having gone to college painfully close the town Snookie claims as her hometown (its' not, she actually grew up over the river, across two sets of train tracks and in a different county- and yes, it DOES matter) this brings back my college days... and the things I tried to avoid ;-)

Joann Mannix said...

yes, those good, ole Jersey Shore cretins. In the telling of history, they will pinpoint the moment the decline of civilization kicked into high gear--and it will be the premiere of The Jersey Shore, that and the moment the Kardashians reared their huge asses onto the collective sore eyes of Americans everywhere.

Great letter and every part of it, is so very true.

Thank you so much for your kind words over at Just Be Enough. It was greatly appreciated.

Surrounded By Pink said...

This was a great post! I am a new follower to both of your blogs and I can't wait to read more!! Laughing with tears right now. Good times :)

Sela Toki said...

Have never watched nor even heard of this show. And from the sound of it, I doubt I'd want to watch it. Your post was too funny. Thank you.

Sweaty said...

I've known Missy only for a short time, but yes I've got to agree with you that she's awesome :)

Missy, DTF?? Boy oh boy... Thanks for bringing me up-to-date with the current lingo ;) I feel so much cooler now! lol

championm2000 said...

I am off to tease my hair and put on my push-up bra...just because it's Sunday and I can ;-)

Dvr Dame said...

Great job Missy! I didn't know you had that kind of language in you. Woo hoo! Oh and I'm now following this blog cuz Missy recommended it.


Birdie said...

Missy, I am running not walking to your blog to follow... I just wet myself while reading this post!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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