Monday, January 30, 2012

If...You Are a Better Mom Than Me

My lovely friend "Zeemaid" at In the Mommy Trenches recently wrote a post called If...You Are A Better Mom Than Me, which threw me into hysterics.

And then I jumped on the bandwagon and hijacked her comment section with a few of my own.  Finally, I just came right out and asked if she minded if I borrowed her idea!
  • If you never check your e-mail while your kids are talking to you...you are a better mom than me.
  • If you happily allow your children to help you cook dinner every night without completely losing your shit...you are a better mom than me.
  • If your husband comes home from work and lays on the sofa, complaining about how tired he is, while you've been fighting with the kids to do their homework and trying to get dinner ready and you don't fantasize about how great it would feel to smash his head with a frying pan...you are a better mom than me.
  • If you never curse in front of your kids...you are a better mom than me.
  • If you read your children a bedtime story every single night....you are a better mom than me.
  • If you never threaten to shave your children's hair in their sleep next time they wake you up in the middle of the night for something silly....you are a better mom than me.
  • If you've never told your kids little white lies, such as "An angel cries every time a child picks his nose"...you are a better mom than me.
  • If you never mourn the independence and freedom you enjoyed prior to having children...you are a better mom than me.
  • If you make each of your children a different meal every night at dinner because they're extremely picky....you are a better mom than me.
  • If you've never set the clock ahead by 30 minutes and then gleefully announced "Oh, look, it's bedtime"....you are a better mom than me.
  • If you give your children a bath every evening...you are a better mom than me.

Feel free to add some of your own in the comments....or do your own post (please remember to link to Zeemaid's blog)!


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33 comments:

Barbara said...

I am going to have to use "an angel cries every time you pick your nose"! Love it!!

Eva Gallant said...

That was awesome! lol

Evonne said...

I'm guilty of more of these than I'd like to admit!

If you've never let your kids watch entirely too much tv or play their video games too long just so you can get a minute of peace, you're a better mom than me!

Heather's Happenings said...

Oh I love it! I am NOT a better mom hahaha

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I think based on this list there tons of moms better than me.

Di said...

If you don't laugh when your toddler runs into the baby gate and bounces off of it...you are a better mom than me!

Missy said...

Hilarious! Except that whole "making kids different meals" part? I do that and I KNOW YOU are the better mom for not. Biggest parenting mistake I've made thus far and believe me, I've made a lot of mistakes!

Samantha said...

So funny...we must be the same at being Moms :) I liked the cursing part, I'll say shit or dammit mostly and then when they come out of Bree's mouth she gets in trouble. I feel bad...but not bad enough to NOT cuss in front of her either.

Nezzy said...

Oh those were the days my friend!!! Heeehehehe, not only were these hilarious and left me spewin' cappuccino outta my nose, they brought back some memories!!!

Loved this post Helene!!! :o)

God bless and have a wonderful week sweetie!!! :o)

Xazmin said...

Bwahaha! I LOVE the clock setting one...WHY have I never thought of that?

I'm pretty sure pretty much everyone who reads my blog is a better mom than me.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

You had me at checks email...hahaha!!!

Lisa said...

I do make different meals but they are always easy.

I can never stop swearing.

If you don't lie and say that Team Umizoomi is sick and broken so you don't have to watch it for the 50th time today, you're a better mom than me.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

LOL, so funny.

I hate giving baths and put it off for ages. So bad!

Marcia (123 blog) said...

I love this one

If you've never set the clock ahead by 30 minutes and then gleefully announced "Oh, look, it's bedtime"....you are a better mom than me.

And I bath my kids every day because it's like magic - they go sleep solid and fast afterwards. That trick courtesy of my boss who once told me, "Marcia, never underestimate the power of a bath on a cranky baby" - he's right!

SisterSister said...

I think I've used almost all of these before at some time or another.

I'm especially good at setting our bed-time timer (timer set to let kids know it's time to get ready for bed) 30...well maybe closer to an hour early.

Awesome post :)

Julia Hunter said...

Love this! I'm right there with you with the cursing, bath and hitting the husband with a frying pan.

Teri M said...

These are great - what a wonderful idea Zeemaid had!!

Zeemaid said...

*L* I love the setting the timer 30 minutes earlier for bed.

I agree nightly baths are so much work.. there's the water, the wet towels, the clean up.....and that's just me after I've helped them. ;)

Brad Jenkins said...

The clock is great, but since our girls can't tell time they wouldn't know the difference. I'll save that one for the future.

My own examples:

Hiding a book so you don't have to read it again.

Taking the sound maker out of a toy and telling them it's broken because it's so obnoxious and you can't listen to it one more time.

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

This one was hilarious Helene! You had me with, "If you've never set the clock ahead by 30 minutes and then gleefully announced "Oh, look, it's bedtime"....you are a better mom than me."

Jen said...

Ha! This was a great post. :-)

Carol said...

If you never threatened to sell your child to the gypsy's for beer money, you're a better mom than me.

If you've never told your child to go find her real parents, you're a better mom than me.

Love this post!

Amanda said...

If you've never told your children their principal is coming over in 5 minutes to get them to do what you want, your a better mom than me. If you don't have a fake number which reads POLICE plugged into your phone and threaten or actually call it to get your children in line-you are a better mom than me.

Kristen said...

OMG. This is too freaking funny! I'm totally jealous I didn't think of this.

Ok. confession - the kids got pink eye from day care. At THE SAME TIME- they continued to play with their toothbrushes in that disgusting water that doesn't drain right when you brush your teeth. hmmm.... so they think if you play in the water with your toothbrush you will get pink eye. Because I outright TOLD THEM THAT.

I lie to them all the time. And dream about hitting Ray over the head at least once a day.

Love this post!

myinnerchick.com said...

Excellent. Authentic. Honest. Kick Ass.

This is the reason I keep coming back.

Xx

Kimberly said...

If you actually make a separate meal for your child because they don't like the onions in the dish you made...you're a better mom than me
Because I generally say, Kid there are starving kids in China. Eat it.

Mercy D'souza said...

Those are good.

Ms Bibi said...

I absolutely love this! I am so not even close being better mom then you,lol....I have a teenager now so here it goes....

If you never threaten your teenager that you will call social services on HIM.....you are better mom then me.

If never stopped the car, rolled down the window and yell at your teenager "I love you so much, baby" after dropping him at school...you are better mom them me.

If you never threatened your teenager with chaperoning his dance dressed like "material girl"....you are for sure better mom then me.

Sela Toki said...

If you don't threaten or bribe, you're better mom then me. Great post Helene. My kids know me better. The above two never works. I'm so predictable to them.

Twins Squared said...

If you've never punted a soccer ball into your toddler's face, you're a better mom than me!

Cute list Helene!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

Hilarious! Love the one about the angel crying over nose picking!

Lisa said...

These are hilarious!! Especially the crying angel! I don't even have kids, but I can imagine I will be the same if/when that day comes!

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Oh, how I love you...

I'm totally stealing the crying angel thing. I'm over boogies.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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