Friday, January 20, 2012

What good is being married to a computer geek if I can't take advantage of him?

I often joke with my friends about how awful it would be to be married to a male gynecologist.

I mean, think about it.  After looking at endless vaginas of all shapes and sizes ALL. DAY. LONG. and having to endure in embarrassing conversations about "women issues", does he tell his horny wife, "Sorry, honey, not tonight.  If I have to look at one more vagina, I'm gonna claw my eyeballs out."

Another example.  The car mechanic.  Does he really want to spend his entire weekend fixing his wife's car, after having spent his entire work week repairing everyone else's car?  Probably not.

Tim is the average computer geek.

Sure, he doesn't exactly look like one...you know, the stereotypical introvert who wears his hair greased and parted on the side, glasses always slipping down to the edge of his nose, pens in his shirt pocket and can't hold a decent conversation to save his life because being around people makes his palms all sweaty.

HTML is his language of love, though...which proves he is, in fact, a complete computer geek.  He loves this kind of stuff so I never gave it much thought any time I had a problem with my computer.

Last week, I opened my laptop and saw some weird test was running. 

"What's this?" I asked him.

Complete silence.

"Yo, computer geek.  What's this on my laptop?  It's doing something strange," I repeated.

"Oh, are you talking to me?" he asked.

Bordering on annoyance, I said, "Yes, I'm talking to you.  You are the resident computer expert, aren't you?"

He walked over to my laptop, shrugged his shoulders and then went back to eating his breakfast.

"Well?" I begged.  "Is that normal?"

"I don't know.  Let it finish running the test and then I'll look at it," he explained, nonchalantly.

20 minutes later, the test was still running and I was growing more worried.

"Will you please have a look at my laptop?  Something's not right," I pleaded.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Okay, okay....geez, calm down."

"I can't calm down.  My entire life is on that laptop!"

"Have you been backing everything up like I showed you?  The pictures?  Your book?", he asked.

I mumbled under my breath, "Uh, not exactly."

"Dammit," he shouted.  "I told you to back everything up!  This is the third time this has happened!"

"Well, any time I work on my book, I save it to a flash drive but I kept forgetting to take care of the pictures.  You know, I kept meaning to and then I'd forget," I tried to explain.

He shoved his chair away from the table and sat in front of my laptop.  I watched his fingertips tap endlessly on the keyboard. 

"Shit," he sighed.  "Probably a virus or your hard drive crashed."

With that, he went upstairs. 

"Well," I shouted after him.  "What should I do?"

"Just shut it off when it's done running the test and I'll work on it when I can," he replied.

"But I need my laptop NOW," I pleaded.

"Just use another computer until I can get to it.  Use the one I'm preparing for the demo in Vegas."

Later that day, after he had a chance to look at my poor laptop, Tim said, "I'm going to see if I can recover all your docs and pics off your hard drive.  But I'm getting sick of this always happening.  You HAVE to backup everything.  I tell you this all the time!"

"I guess I figure you can always fix it if there's a problem," I commented.

"I can't always fix it, though.  That's the problem.  You think I can just work magic and fix everything.  Just back everything up from now on and stop putting me through this!"

"But...but....but you're a computer whiz.  You can fix anything.  Friends call and you rush to fix THEIR computers.  My mom and sister always have computer issues and you have no problem helping them.  You're like the super hero of computers!" I offered.

"Whatever," he remarked.

"Don't 'whatever' me!" I complained. "You love this kind of stuff.  What good is being married to a computer geek if I can't take advantage of you!"

Uh-oh...I knew where this was headed.  Me and my big mouth.

"Tell you what," he smiled slyly.  "You can take advantage of me if you let me take advantage of you."

"Well, that's not exactly fair now.  I mean, you fix everyone else's computer with no expectations.  Why not mine too?"

Tim shrugged his shoulders.  "That's the deal.  Take it or leave it."

My laptop now sits naked, without its hard drive, on the kitchen table.

It's being held hostage, basically.  And I'm getting more and more desperate to be reunited with my beloved laptop.

I may have to let Tim take advantage of me so he'll get the damn thing working for me again.

Sigh...

I wonder if our dentist's wife has to put out any time she needs a root canal.

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34 comments:

Kmama said...

LOL! That darn big mouth. Mine has got me in trouble a few times too.

Evonne said...

I know I shouldn't laugh because it sucks to not have a computer, but I'm cracking up.

My husband is a computer geek, too. Him and I had this exact conversation a few weeks ago when my netbook died. I hate having to sit at a table and use my daughter's desktop. Maybe I need to put out more?

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Well I have a lot of sympathy for your laptop issues! Fingers crossed my new one arrives today.

My husband isn't a computer geek - he's an accountant, but I'm definitely not putting out every time he pays the bills ;-)

Kimberly said...

I always wondered about the OB/GYN...
My husband is a Tool Designer so I think I'm fairly safe from this phenomenon.

Samantha said...

So funny! Love it :)

Tina said...

You hold the love muffin and he holds the computer skills. Sounds like a win win situation to me, I mean if you actually still want him to touch your love muffin....omg, not I feel all dirty. Must go wash hands now.

Jenny said...

LOL! Dave's the computer guy here. He is always fixing computers, but is annoyed with mine for some reason. He'll do it and usually pretty quickly, but not after several loud sighs.

Brad Jenkins said...

I must say I had the same exact thought as your hubs when I read the title of the post. I would think you two could work out some sort of arrangement. Since you obviously don't want to do the backup stuff, let him do it and "pay" the man for his time and effort. :-)

I pay the bills, so I may try to use Lisa's idea and see what happens - assuming my wife doesn't read my comment before I have a chance to negotiate terms.

I didn't realize html was one of the love languages - maybe I need to reread that book.

HoneyDame said...

**clutching my sides***
You crack him up soooo good!!!
I think you have a perfect match in Tim...he gives just as good as he gets....LMMMMAAAAOOO
Do let him take advantage of you, please. My blogroll without some Helene's is not quite a blogroll afterall!!!

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

Sooooooooooo funny!!!! And im do sorry. ;)

My honey sells TVs so if one breaks or i have no idea how to get it back to the cable output, he gets annoyed at me like that. But I have found that we are starting a TV morge around here with broken or half broken TVs.

Jen said...

Oh, I can totally relate to this. Totally.

I tell Jeff just put it on my 'tab' so some where he has a list of these 'favors' that I owe him.

Don't worry, I don't plan on letting him collect... them all. ;)

angel shrout said...

Oh now see I am all about the being taken advantage of so I am kind of on Tim's side here. Maybe I am just secretly a nympho.. ok ok so I am bwhahah complete with the adult blog that is secret

Missy said...

Oh snap. I would have been like "let's go upstairs right now, Mister." (I love my computer very much). :)

Eva Gallant said...

Will he do computer work for anyone who puts out?

Karina said...

Try Carbonite, it's an automatic (encrypted) backup system that saves stuff as you modify it, it's about $60 a year but you don't have to do anything beyond the initial set up, and you're really paying for piece of mind. If the computer crashes & burns you can restore the data to a new machine easily. My husband is a computer geek too & that's what we use.....just a thought

Olusola said...

Well girl, are you going to backup your stuff or is this blog going to be renamed soon? Cuz all that lovin... sorry I meant computer "fixing" could bear fruit. *wink*

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

The inspiration for men to do anything will never change!

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

I'm off to back up my computer now!

myinnerchick.com said...

---Go have sex immediately. Xx

You must get your computer fixed. Haa

Karen Peterson said...

I used to live with a mechanic and my car was always broken down.

HOA Mgr Lady said...

why don't you ask him politely to get an auto back up drive that runs every night and backs everything up. We have for work and although I haven't a clue how to actually USE it .. it's nice knowing it's there. (I hope)
Ruth

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Girl, just give the man a little sumpin sumpin. I mean, the laptop is worth it right???? :)

Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity said...

LMAO! My husband is not a computer geek, mechanic, doctor or anything like that but he STILL tries to make deals with me just for taking out the damn trash.

Men. Always thinking with the wrong head.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Bahahahaha...you really screwed yourself!

I hate getting the backup speech. It's defeating. Doesn't he know what a big deal it is that I got this stuff on my computer in the first place? Then I have to do more with it??? I think not!

Nezzy said...

It is, after all...the weekend ya know! Heeehehehe!!!

I hear ya loud and clear. My son The Geek is a computer wiz...in the business.

When I got my new computer and had to use it for business I called The Geek and asked for help. He said..."just plug it in Mom." Three days later I could proceed with business as usual.

There have been other times when the computer was doin' weird things and called son..."Gee Mom...I don't know." When I solve the issue myself...I call him and tell him how I fixed it.

Yep, loads of help!!!

Made for some great blog fodder sweetie!!!

God bless and have an earth~movin' weekend!!! :o)

Kristen said...

I love it. I'm with some of the others. just go do it already. *sigh* Make it like a challenge... do it during a commercial or something. :) And get your laptop back already!
Kristen

Xazmin said...

We own a carpet cleaning business. My carpets look like crap. I especially love when new people come over to visit. Not everyone knows of our business, and when they ask what my husband does and I tell them, they immediately, without fail look at my carpets. It's humiliating.

Barbara said...

I wonder if I'll have to put out the next DH does the taxes? This is too funny.

Ms Bibi said...

First, let me say....it's been way to long since I stopped by....:)

My son is my resident teenage computer geek....or excuse me, whiz. I get the same crap from him. He fixes computer pretty much for the whole high school, but I am always the last one and it comes with attitude....like I should know all this stuff.

Cascia Talbert said...

That is hilarious! I hope you get your lap top fixed!

Renegades said...

I think most men will take it anyway they can get it. :)

Natalie said...

Hope you laptop is not held ransom for too long!

Sela Toki said...

LMBO at the "sigh". You already know what's coming. A womans gotta do what a womans gotta do to get her computer working. Can't stop laughing. You crack me up Helene. Sounds like Tim is always ready with a backup plan too. Might as well enjoy.

Nilu said...

LOL!!!! You are HILARIOUS!!!!!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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