Friday, February 17, 2012

Bread machine fail #6

A good friend of mine loaned me her bread machine....quite awhile ago.  So long ago, in fact, that I honestly think she's forgotten about it.

Although I did try to give it back to her a couple times and she waved her hand at me and said, "I never used it.  At least you're getting some use out of it".

Getting SOME use out of it?  Well, that might be the understatement of the year.

I'm in love with this bread machine.  Seriously, it can do amazing things that I could never do.  Such as make bread...and pizza dough...and all kinds of deliciousness.

I come off looking like Supermom while the bread machine sulks in the corner, feeling unappreciated and unloved.  I'll have to give it an extra gentle caress next time I use it.  I wouldn't want it to crap out on me and make me look bad.

So....the other night, I made homemade pizza.  Yep, dough from scratch and everything.  I like to mix  olive oil, italian seasonings and parmesan cheese in with the other ingredients, including white whole wheat flour and ground flaxseed so it can still be considered somewhat healthy (and the kids and Tim never suspect a thing!)

All I did was throw the ingredients in the machine and let it do all the work.  While the pizzas cooked in the oven, our home was filled with such a wonderful pizza-licious aroma that it literally made my mouth water.

Half turkey pepperoni/half cheese

Mushrooms and Olives

Happy customers
Another happy customer
The next day, I got a wild hare up my ass to make cinnamon rolls in the bread machine.  My kids love cinnamon rolls but I tend not to buy them because they just have so many unhealthy ingredients, mainly partially hydrogenated oils.

But I figured if I made them then I could control the ingredients (see, there I go type-A control freak) and maybe even sneak in some ground flaxseed.

I talked up these cinnamon rolls to the kids ALL. DAY. LONG.  I mean, nonstop talking about these damn rolls.  Every 10 minutes, I was all, "These are gonna be the bomb, you guys!" and "OMG, I cannot wait until these are done...YUM!!!"

They were super excited....hell, even Tim was excited.  And you all know he very rarely gets excited about anything (unless it's a spontaneous sexual encounter with yours truly, which doesn't happen often obviously).

After the first hour, I heard the bread machine beep.  I thought, "Well, that's weird" and I checked the dough but it seemed okay so I left it alone.

Two hours later, the machine beeped again.  The dough was done!

Except it wasn't dough.  It was bread.  Cooked bread.

"Uh, Mommy, that doesn't look like dough," one of the little smart asses commented.

"Hmmm, I don't know what I did wrong.  Was I supposed to take the dough out when it beeped about two hours ago?" I asked, completely dumbfounded as I thumbed through the machine's manual.

Yep, apparently, that first set of beeps was meant as, "Hello...dumb ass.  Take the dough out of the machine now."

The kids were in tears, snot dripping down their faces..."You said we were gonna have cinnamon rolls.  You lied to us!  You made bread instead!"

For crying out loud.  I'm only human.  Aren't I entitled to make a mistake or two....or six?

With some quick thinking, I said, "We can still eat it, even though it's not technically cinnamon rolls.  Here, I'll just put the cinnamon sugar on the bread with some butter and we can eat it like that, okay?"

I smothered the slices of sweet bread with the cinnamon sugar and butter and handed them each a piece, which they promptly gobbled up.

"MMMMMMM," they all said in unison.  "This is really good!"

After Cole finished his slice, he said, "Mommy, you make the best food ever!"

And that was enough to warm my heart, even though they were completely devastated just ten minutes earlier.

I'm going to attempt those damn cinnamon rolls again today...and you can bet your sweet ass I won't be mentioning it to the kids unless the rolls come out absolutely perfect this time! Registered & Protected


HoneyDame said...

LMAO!!! Talk about making lemonade out for your lemon!
I hope the cinnamon rolls turn put right this time...

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I hope they're perfect this time! I use my bread machine a lot in the winter months, but in the summer it just gathers dust.

Eva Gallant said...

Good luck! I have a bread machine and used it a lot at first. I haven't touched it in years now.

Jenny said...

That is funny! The cinnamon rolls sound good! We've only made bread with ours. There's a boxed package of Hawaiian Sweet bread at the store that is so good in the bread maker!

Marcia (123 blog) said...

oh my word, I just realised this is why I have these kilos I need to shed. I love bread too much!

Your kiddos are so blessed to have you cook such yummy food for them and I'm jealous of your loan bread machine.

We got a steamer for Christmas. When I tried to get it returned, she doesn't have the slip anymore so it's on my kitchen table annoying the heck out of me! I want a bread machine!!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

And here all I've ever done is bake a normal loaf of bread. I need to up my game. I hope your real cinnamon rolls turn out really, really yummy today!

Lisa said...

I would never eat anything but bread. Thus I don't have a bread machine.

IASoupMama said...

Hmmm... Hubby loves cinnamon rolls and I absolutely kill dough when I try to do it on my own. Apparently I take too much of my frustration out when kneading? I dunno...

Maybe I'll dust off the old bread machine and give it a shot, too!

Missy | Literal Mom said...

You better tell us how it turns out the second time around!

Nezzy said...

Sounds like ya had a great save anyway. As long as the customers are happy!!!

Hope ya take some pics of your next batch, I want to drool and lick the computer. It's calorie free that way, ya know? Heeehehehe!!!

Have a blessed and beautiful weekend sweetie and eat a roll for me..."K"???

The Jammie Girl said...

I adore my bread machine. My family's favorite is rice bread, which is also a great way to use up leftover rice. My favorite is bagels - they aren't beautiful, but boy do they taste great!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I have a slightly different reason I never tell my girls anything until the last minute...I'm afraid they won't nap! Now I see I'll probably continue to operate in secrecy as they grow older. ;)

I have a bread machine from 1997-ish (?), I think. I cannot...for the life of me...find the manual. I need to call the manufacturer and see if they can send me one, or if I can find it online.

Those cinnamon rolls sound delish...and even the cinnamon bread sounds like a pretty darn good "mistake"!

Rhiannon said...

LMFAO... heck ive made cinnamon rolls and my family hasnt eaten then yet but open a can of vienna sausage and they're all over it!!
Good luck today ;-)

Kimberly said...

Cinnamon bread?
I'd still hit it.

Samantha said...

Maybe I should invest in a bread machine...those pizzas looked ah-mazing. I'm starving right now as I type this...and wanting a pizza like nobody's business.

But I'm glad that the cinnamon rolls...I mean, bread...tasted good afterall.

Now, I want pizza AND a cinnamon roll.

I really do wish Paul would hurry and get home so we can feed myself.

SRM said...

Oh yum that sounds so good. I suck at food stuff but I just might have to consider getting me one of these. You have to tell us how the next batch comes out =)

Jen said...

I have a bread machine that I have yet to use correctly. I do believe that is hates me.

Natalie said...

Oh my! I need one of these...they sound like magic!

Sela Toki said...

Oh the joys of being a mom. You're a crack up Helene. Just LMBO at this one. I know it'll turn out perfect next time. I wondered if Tim sulk when that first one didn't turn out. So funny.

Catie said...

Wow! Those pizzas look delicious! Yum.

Emily said...

So funny! But seriously, just the fact that you're home making pizza and cinnamon rolls totally makes you Supermom in my eyes.

Seriously, I'd better get in the kitchen!

Twins Squared said...

The thought of making bread scares me! Good job! Now I want cinnamon rolls - one of my favorite things!

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

Now there's a phrase I haven't heard before: "I got a wild hare up my ass".

Now I am yearning for cinnamon rolls, I truly cannot remember the last time I had them. said...

Fabulous. Loved this story. And I LOVE how quick you are on your feet! I'm quite impressed.

My ass just grew a little larger.

Damn you. xx

Jode said...

Sign of a truly kick ass Mum who can turn disaster into adoration in 10 minutes you know!
Thanks goodness my breadmaker has a dough only setting so it won't cook after the beep (which i always have turned off in case it wakes a munchkin cause that thing is piercing!)however, i have been known to forget about the dough sitting there patiently waiting and finally coming back to it as it has risen to top of machine window and obviously trying to escape any way it can!
Let us know how the rolls turned out!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

I had no idea you could make pizza dough with that thing. And, the smell of the rolls must be heavenly, so I don't think you can hide it from the kids. I'm gonna get my machine out and see if I can revive it. Pizza dough huh?

Amy said...

LOL! All I can say is, been there, done that!

Me and cooking misadventures tend to happen here at least once a month. :)

Xazmin said...

I hope they come out amazing!

Also, I love how we always get accused of "lying" when things don't go as planned!

I hear it frequently!

Eat a cinnamon roll for me!

Tina said...

Omg, I'm glad it was good cause they scared me for a minute what with all the crying that was going on...

Julia Hunter said...

I've never had much luck with bread machines and now I want some cinnamon rolls or bread, I'm not picky. Good luck the 2nd time around.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

I can't help but laugh at this...not only did you make bread (and slather it with all sorts of goodness), but I didn't even know that bread machines existed!! Love it!

Barbara said...

Those pizzas look delicious!

I'm glad the crisis was averted! Bread machines scare me, but since I can't live without fresh bread now, I might have to buy one when I go back to the US!

Karen Peterson said...

Sounds to me like this was less of a fail and more of a surprise hit?

Kisha said...

how funny that I read this today -- I PROMISED my neighbor that I'll let her partake in our 'day before school break' ritual of cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and this time, for the same reasons you mentioned, I was gonna make them in my bread machine.
Now I'm a bit pensive...

Off to write a post-it note that will be fixed to my laptop reminding me to take the bread out when it dings the FIRST TIME.

Josef Kilbane NBA LIVE BLOG said...

LMFAO... Hell I make cinnamon roll and my family didn't eat then, but open a can of Vienna sausage and them! !
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I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

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