Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Guess it's time to come clean...I let myself down

You might have noticed I haven't been around much.  Not here, not on Facebook, not on Twitter.

Or maybe you haven't noticed and you're just now thinking, "Oh yeah, I guess she has been MIA".   No worries.  I'm not offended.  Well,  maybe 11.7% of me is offended.  Whatever.

Here's the thing....

I've let myself down.  I am so completely disappointed in myself because of what I've done.  I vowed to not let it happen but I got careless and lazy...I believed I was immune to it simply because I wanted it badly enough.

Remember the 35 pounds I lost last year through nothing other than blood, sweat and tears?

Well, since October 2011, I've slowly put back on 20 of those pounds.  20 of those pounds that I worked my ass off for...TWENTY POUNDS, people!

It began with Cole and Bella's 7th birthday when I allowed myself to indulge in cake, one of my weaknesses.

And then came Halloween, then Thanksgiving...and then Christmas.  I was baking cookies on a weekly basis with the kids, eating fudge as if it were the most nutritious food in the world...just packing it in and not giving a shit.

And then reality hit, when I realized earlier this month that in celebration of my weight loss last year I had gotten rid of all my "fat clothes".  If I continued on this downward spiral, I'd have nothing to wear this summer and I refuse to go buy new clothes in a bigger size.

In addition, my doctor put me back on my cholesterol medication when my recent blood work revealed my levels have gone back up.  No surprise there, I suppose.

So, there you have it.  I've come clean.  And I'm ashamed and disappointed in myself.

It's back to the drawing board once again.

Instead of spending time on my ass in front of the computer, I've been trying to be more active.  I've gotten Jillian Michael's newest program, The Body Revolution, and it's kicking my fat ass all over the place....but in a good way.

And I've discovered that while I did gain some weight back, I still have plenty of muscle and strength, which feels amazing and empowering.

When my kids want to go to the park, I spend time doing walk/sprint intervals around the play area while they play instead of sitting on the nearby bench on my iPhone.   When they want to jump on the trampoline, I no longer see it as my opportunity to take a break and get on the computer.  I now jump with them.

I've been spending more time in the kitchen, engaging my kids in helping me cook healthy meals and getting away from all the processed crap.  They're learning about good fats, bad fats, how to make sure to eat all the colors of the rainbow and proper portion size.

I'm not obsessing about it with them by any means but I'm simply teaching them all the things I wish my mother had taught me when I was their age.

I can do this.  I've done it before and I'll do it again.

However, this will be the last time.  I will lose the weight necessary in order to be healthy and fit once again.

And I will keep it off.

That, my friends, is a promise.



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42 comments:

Samantha said...

In the world we live in, it is hard to just not eat all that good fattening stuff that we know we're not supposed to eat. I always wish I could be one of those fat people who don't care, but the thing is...I do care. It's hard...and I honestly think that the only way I've been able to keep mine off...is constant exercise and allowing myself to splurge on the weekends. Granted, some weekends, especially the ones where I'm bloated because my period is around the corner...I'm a little stricter on myself. But I have always allowed myself a weekend of whatever I want to eat, in correct proportions, to keep myself from going crazy.

I got rid of my scale...so I honestly don't know if I've ever actually gained weight in my 2 years of my new healthy life style BUT I know that I have been so bloated before...for like a couple of weeks back to back (after vacation, during the holidays, funeral food) that it scared me to death and I got back on the right track.

Don't hate on yourself. It happens...but at least you have the willpower to do something about it!

Jenny said...

I was wondering what you were up to. I did see you on Pinterest, so I figured you were ok!

I know how you feel about the weight. I've done the same thing. I did start WW in January and have lost 11.6 pounds. It's annoying though, as I was down 32 pounds and gained most of it back before I started WW again.

I'm proud of you for making changes to your diet and exercise. It is so hard. Just finally this week, did I decide to actually attempt to move more. I took a walk on Monday and did some weeding yesterday.

Good luck and congrats on taking back your life!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I've lost weight many times, but this time has been the toughest to get the motivation to do it. Today was only day one and it's not even over, but I worked out for the first time since I moved here, and I am using my FitBit which is a huge motivator.

Good luck to you! You can do this. We can do this!

Marcia (123 blog) said...

YOu are amazing! I'm so proud of you for keeping on!!!

I've also put on all the weight I lost last year with the PT and with Weigh Less and I hate it!!!

I need to get off my A and up the ante too :)

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Sorry you gained weight back. You're still ahead of where you were to start, and I'm sure you'll start losing in no time. :-) If you lived closer we could work out together!

wonderchris said...

Awesome - love your honesty and your gusto!! You can do it!!! Thinking about you!

Eva Gallant said...

That's been the story of my life; I gain, I lose; I gain, I lose. It's just so tough! Good luck and good for you for really tackling the problem, while educating your kids.

Eva Gallant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhiannon said...

ooh such is life, i hear ya. good for you, i just saw the brazillian butt lift infomercial... I so want that!! You have more dicipline than i do

Jen said...

Weight loss is an up and down process. Trust me, I know.

You can do it. I know that you can.

Heathers Happenings said...

I have been on this weight roller coaster for years. I'll lose those pounds just to gain them all back and sometimes more.

In the last week, I have had people ask me if I have lost weight. They say it looks like I am but my scale is just not showing it.

Lisa said...

I think you are gorgeous, and I wish you the best of luck.

Sela Toki said...

And you can do it again. I'm just now starting to get myself rededicated to the daily routine of exercising. It's been years. After celebrating another birthday, I realize it's time to get back to eating healthy and exercising. It feels so good. You've just motivated me too. Thank you.

Simone said...

Don't be hard on yourself because that's the way weight happens...it creeps and before you know it, it's there again. I got a rude awakening after looking at pictures of myself 20 years ago or more. I was one skinny girl! But, I'm with you on eating healthy and taking the time to focus on what is good for me and what isn't. I wanted to comment on your pinterest because you have the greatest good meals that you've pinned. I plan to try quite a few of them. By the way, I admire you for kicking it up a notch!!

Nezzy said...

As we all know 'diets' don't work...lifestyle changes do. Ya got to make it somethin' ya can live with.

Sure I cheat. I actually have my cheats on Sunday, forgive me Lord, but that's the day I'll put a cupcake or nobake cookie outta the freezer. Special occasions I'll enjoy a little cake and ice cream too but then it's back on the old healthy wagon.

God bless ya sweetie and I pray these pounds shed quickly for ya!

You go girl!!! :o)

Karen and Gerard said...

Great idea to walk/sprint around the park while your kids play instead of just sitting. Way to go!

SherilinR said...

it's so hard to stay with the healthy food and active lifestyle long term. my only child is 9 and i just yesterday finally returned to my pre-pregnancy weight. it's taken a long time, but finally inspiration hit and now i'm determined to stick with it.
keep it up! make those muscles you worked for last year work for you now.

Heather said...

I wondered where you were and have missed your sense of humor! You have so much determination. I know you can do anything you set your mind to!

IASoupMama said...

Oh, goodness -- my mind and body want to be right there with you, but HOLY COW has this year kicked my butt. I've got to get it together and soon -- I'm turning 39 at the end of June and am pretty sure that means I have one more year before I'm a middle-aged fat lady...

Good job! I know yo can do it!

Brittany said...

You can do it!! Don't feel bad... things happen..Life happens but Jillian can whip you into shape in no time!! :)

Kelli said...

I gained 19 pounds over the holidays. Unreal. Glad to know I'm not alone in this struggle, but I wish you and everyone else who is fighting the yo-yo battle the best of success!

Kmama said...

Weight loss, and keeping it off, is such a battle. An ongoing battle. One that you can't ever get indifferent about, because the weight will always win. It sucks. It so very much sucks, but it's true.

I've lost 27 pounds since June, and I don't ever want to go through what I had to do to get to this point again, so I refuse to stop what I'm doing. I don't deny myself things, but I force myself to make smart choices.

You did it once...you can do it again. Hang in there!!

Missy said...

Well, you look fabulous darling! I am getting back into the swing of things with blogging myself. I have missed reading your blog.

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

Big hugs!!! You can do it!!!!!!

Brooke said...

{{{hugs}}} you're not the first (nor will you be the last) woman to regain those hard lost pounds. head up and don't give up on yourself!!

myinnerchick.com said...

--Don't be too hard on yourself.

Take one. day. at. a. time.

I've com to the conclusion...that this is the ONLY way one can live...

Xx kisses from MN.

Shan G said...

Good luck. The holidays always trip people up, so don't criticize yourself too much.

Karen Peterson said...

I have been there so many more times than I want to admit. Good luck! It sounds like you're making some great changes!

Natalie said...

That's the way to do it girl...just being active and eating better and before you know it you'll be back to where you were before! You can do it!

Kimberly said...

I'll take some.
Ship it to Canada. I'll pay the charges.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You can do this. You did it before!

Twins Squared said...

Good for you! Yes it is so hard to not get sucked in! I've always been an email/internet junkee. But when I got on FB it was all over. And then blogging. I love it all but I hate that I waste so much time doing it. For the longest time it was an outlet for me, and something to do while I sat down for 10 minutes before somebody needed something. Couldn't start on something else for sure. But now that they are older I COULD get stuff done but the habit remains. I go to the gym but my goal is twice a week (3 when they are all in elementary), but lately it is really only been once a week. Just enough to keep me from being totally stopped. But it's something I guess.

As for in the kitchen, it has become my nemesis. A friend just sent me another friend's # that can come to my home and help me with quick, easy, HEALTHY meals for busy families. That's me! Trying to teach my kids too about many of the same things but don't know if it's sinking in. Also afraid of what to say about fat. I don't want them to think there's something wrong if you don't have a perfect body. At the same time I want them to understand that being too large is unhealthy (an issue we've had someone in the family battle with - my SIL had gastric bypass a few years ago but prior to then she basically lived NO life for about 15 years - something that would devastate me to witness in my own children). So if it weren't for that I probably wouldn't stress over it. But I do. And it's not my forte.

Anyway, good for you for taking charge! I bet it feels good!

Zeemaid Zeemaid said...

Aww I didn't notice that you've been quiet lately!! Weight gain is always hard. Kudos to you for wanting to get back on track and eat healthier and teach your kids as well. I, myself, tend to make them do it and still scarf the bad stuff. sigh

Twins Squared said...

Strange timing - so I told you about this consultant who was just recommended to me. I am going to follow her blog (doesn't look like she updates that often but just having it in my blogroll might motivate me when it pops up). Thought you might be interested in checking it out:

http://greenpeasandblueberries.blogspot.com/

Mercy D'souza said...

I know the feeling, both of losing the weight, then gaining it back, then striving to loose it again. So I'm just gonna say that you did it before and you can do it again!

SRM said...

Awww, Helene, I'm in a similar situation so I know how much it sucks to realize that weight comes back after working so hard to take it off. I'll be rooting for you and know you can do it!

This sounds silly, but I swear by the Jr. Mint Diet. You have one small box of junior mints a day, preferably at night when you want to snack. It's just enough sweetness that you don't want more, and it keeps you from reaching for other snacks. I lost 20 pounds once, eating Jr. Mints. But then my local gast stations ran out of the suckers :(

Shell said...

Awesome! I need to take a lesson from you and get active again.

Robbie K said...

I have fallen off (or is it on?) the weight loss wagon myself. It's a slippery slope. Good for you for doing something about it!

Missy | Literal Mom said...

I understand completely. It's so dammed hard to keep it off. I think it's way harder to maintain than it is to lose. I'll be rooting for you Helene! Keep us posted! you can do it!

Christina said...

I'm glad to hear you found a program to get you back on track! :) Always remember if you need anything, I'm here for ya!!! Hugs, and good luck! Never give up....just always remember why you started in the first place. :)

MiMi said...

Hey. 20 lbs...at least it wasn't all of it. And we ALL do it. So there.

Leah said...

And you will do it again, I am on my final weight loss journey as well. Final, because this time I am finding my true self and am changing more than my weight. I hate exercise but have discovered I love Zumba! Don't know if you tried it or had time, but its great.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

I wish we lived closer together...we'd have so much fun working out!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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