Wednesday, April 11, 2012

My sincere, heartfelt thanks....

I'm never one to ignore the blessings I have in my life.  And I believe it's important to give thanks for those blessings as often as I can.

First, I'd like to thank my kids for the following...

1)  Promising me, with angelic smiles, that they will most definitely be sure to leave some jellybeans for me.  Turns out it was all the black and white ones....that they know I hate with a passion.

2)  Breaking one of their plastic eggs and leaving it on the floor....for me to step on with my bare feet at 6:00 in the freakin' morning.

3)  Whining about the flavor lollipop that was left for them by the "Easter Bunny" after the "Easter Bunny" stayed up way past her bedtime, digging holes in the dirt in the backyard in the pitch black of night to ensure that their magic jellybeans sprouted into beautiful, colorful lollipops.

4)  Peeing all over the wall behind the toilet...and blaming it on the cats.

5)  Always being sure to give Daddy plenty of unsolicited hugs, kisses and I love you's but seemingly forgetting about me until I remind them that I was the one who carried them in my body for months on end and got gutted like a dying fish to bring them into this world.  Seriously....WTF?!

Next, I'd like to thank my loving husband, Tim, for the following....

1)  Inviting his parents over for Easter dinner...and conveniently forgetting to mention it to me until the day before the holiday.

2)  Paying me back-handed compliments that always seem to insinuate that he's not getting laid enough.

Like, "I love when you wear your hair like that.  It has that hot just-fucked look, even though we haven't had sex in....um, well...37 days.  Not that I'm counting or anything".

3)  Trying his best to help around the house but only managing to do things half-way.

Like, sweeping the floor but leaving a million mini dirt piles around the house, washing the dishes by rinsing them off and leaving for me to load into the dishwasher, and unloading the dishwasher by leaving the clean dishes on the counter.

And, now, just some random thank you's....

To the mom who spent months avoiding me after I graciously hosted a play date with her and her kids at my home...who now wants to be my friend on Facebook.  Ignore?  Definitely.

To the neighbor who smiled graciously at my children when she allowed them to climb up her lemon tree to pick some fresh lemons...and then invited them to come over and enjoy a lemon meringue pie next time she makes one.  Little does she know they won't soon forget that invitation...like, EVER.

To my other neighbors who wave politely at me instead of giving me the finger every single time one of my kids tramples over their freshly mowed lawns with their bikes.

To my cats who poop 28 times a day to ensure that I never run out of crap to clean up after, especially now that all my kids are potty trained.

To Jillian Michaels for being an obnoxious, bossy bitch who kicks my ass 6 times a week while doing her Body Revolution program.   And to her perfectly chiseled fitness minions...doing bicep curls with a 5-pound weight?  Really?

And, lastly, thank you to the developers of silly, pointless apps, like Oldify and Baldify, which keep my kids entertained for hours....so I can pee in peace and quiet.

What are you thankful for today?


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25 comments:

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Oh great list of thank yous! I would've died over the last minute Easter dinner guests. I need A LOT of advance. Like months ;-)

Jode said...

Oh my goodness Helene...i am thank ful for the laugh you have given me today after enduring another day of twin toddler tantrums!
And i thought my partner was the only one who half did jobs and expected a standing ovation for the effort!
Can you please explain this sex thing you speak of?...it seems to be missing from our lives since the girls showed up!

Kmama said...

Your snarky thank you's fit right in with my weekly "thank you very much" posts that I do on Monday. Sarcastic thank you's are the best!! ;-)

Sadia said...

I just busted my gut over the kids' #4. :)

Lisa said...

I am thankful for your blog. :)

Kimberly said...

Speaking of Apps...you need to get Draw Something.
Don't ask. Just do it.
My child likes to do this: He'll eat a candy up to his fingers and then give me that little sliver of slobbered candy.
He loves me.
I know it.

Eva Gallant said...

I'm thankful that I found your blog and can count on you to make me laugh!

Catie said...

You are hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing b/c I can totally relate!

Nezzy said...

Girl, I am thankful for you and your wonderful sense of humor that makes me smile every time I pop over!!!

Your a true treasure sweetie!!! :o)

Have a richly blessed day sweetie!!!

Heeehehehehe!!!! I'm cryin' and snortin' here!

Jen said...

I am thankful for you! We seriously need to get together soon.

Try to carve some time out for you. Sounds like you need some fun time! [I know easier said than done!] :)

Jen

Shari said...

I'm so thankful for you and your blog - makes me smile every time! :)

Emmy said...

Peeing by yourself? So jealous! And totally agree on the jelly beans- why do they even make those flavors??

Samantha said...

These all made my giggle, but I especially loved the one about the husband doing everything half ass when trying to help around the house...because I can totally relate. I thought mine was the only one who did that...

...oh and the apps for allowing peaceful pee time. I love apps :)

myinnerchick.com said...

Love Love Love your Authentic Voice <3

) Peeing all over the wall behind the toilet...and blaming it on the cats.

My kids are older..they blame it on each other...

TexWisGirl said...

sounds like a fabulous 'dose-of-reality' post. :)

Mercy D'souza said...

It's true. Kids never forget a promise of any kind. I think we need to pass that tidbit of parenting wisdom to those who don't have kids - Never make a promise you don't intend to keep because a child never forgets and they will remind you of it forever until you do it or mommy goes crazy, whichever comes first.

I've had people promise my son that they would take him to see cows or a farm, just to get him to do something, and then I had to dry multiple tears when he found out that it wasn't going to happen. He just adores cows and farms. I feel like slapping such people over the head and making them keep their promise.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Thank you for the laughs, I needed this break today!

angel shrout said...

The dinner I didn't know about would have been cooked and served by the hubby who did. Just sayin' . Lmbo my hubby and I are the opposite of ya'll in the sex department. I am the one going you realize we haven't had sex in over 2 weeks. Yeah I am there.. See I didn't have the gift of portable computers for my kids to be occupied by when I needed alone time in the bathroom.

Angela said...

erm, I'm thankful for your blog and that I'm not feeling so flipping sick as per the last 4 days which has nothing to do with eating copious amounts of chocolate. I think I would be a whole lot more thankful if I were living in the sun than rainy old grey England.

Aimee said...

Oh how I needed that laugh today!

Kim said...

Ha! Little does that nice lady with the lemon tree know what she's gotten herself into. My sister-in-law learned the hard way when she offered to watch the twins for an afternoon . . . they only offer once, don't they?!

Lawfrog said...

I am thankful for quiet moments in my car on my lunch hour - time when I can just sit and read if I want to or stare at the ceiling or whatever without being interrupted or having to listen to other people's conversations, etc.

Shell said...

My hubs is the king of doing things half-assed. And it makes me crazy!

Sela Toki said...

Cracking up reading your post. I love it. Boy but aren't men all the same when it comes to counting the day? How about retiring early from that department of marriage. LOL.

Phew but I thought I was the only one that doesn't have a moment to pee in peace without someone hollering my name or demanding something! By the way, that cat sure craps a lot. LMBO. Thank you Helene.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Ooooh...now I want some Jillian Michaels! You can do 5 pounds...COME ON!!! GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR! ;) Miss me much?

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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