Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Pouring My Heart Out...What I Hope My Kids Remember

As I sit on the couch in the family room watching my children engage in a fun game of hide and seek, I'm reeling from the fact that another school year has come and gone.

Time goes by quickly, so they say.  The days are long but the years are short....yet another saying that rings true.

I'm deep in thought, wondering which childhood memories from this past school year, they will recall with fondness...which ones they will remember with sadness, perhaps even bitterness.

As a mother, I hope I'm doing right by them, even though I struggle every waking moment wondering if I'm merely creating more issues for them to discuss in future therapy sessions.

I want them to know that every decision I make on their behalf is made with a conscious effort to keep them safe, happy and responsible.

When they say I'm being mean or that they don't like me, I try to convince myself that must be because I'm doing something right; however, it still hurts...it strikes panic in my very core and makes me question everything I thought I knew.

What I hope my kids remember are these things....

  • How much fun we had together
  • All the hugs and kisses provided to them when they were hurt
  • Eating breakfast for dinner and having dessert for breakfast
  • Giving them the very last cookie in the package even though it's the one treat I'd been looking forward to all day long
  • Wiping their poopy asses, even though they were perfectly capable of doing it themselves
  • Rocking them to sleep, although they barely fit on my lap any longer
  • Holding their hand as they puked
  • Singing "Rainbow Connection" to them every single night before bed
  • Gently pinching their butt cheeks incessantly
  • Singing silly songs to them and dancing around the family room with glee
  • Eating the cake batter straight from the bowl simply because we could
  • That as often as I raised my voice to them, I always remembered to apologize
  • Reading books together and making up crazy voices for all the characters
  • Days filled with bowling, swimming, jumping rope, riding bikes, going on treasure hunts, seeking out earthworms after a rainy day, gardening, hopscotch, blowing bubbles, jumping on the trampoline, games of freeze tag and hide-n-seek, baking cookies and decorating cakes.....
  • Lastly, I hope they remember how much they were loved and cherished...and still are, every single moment of every single day.


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27 comments:

Kristen said...

Man. I love your blog. Sorry I haven't been around much. Craziness in the world. But, it is posts just like this that remind me why I LOVE coming over here. Because.... I want my list to be the exact same thing. The exact same thing. You rock in so many ways ~ Kristen

Kenya G. Johnson said...

What a sweet post. I feel the same way in that the school year has gone by so fast (1st grade). Some days I feel like I didn't live up to MY expectations of being the best mom possible. So next week I am going to tag along chaperon on a field trip. I will take lots of pictures to make sure this 'good' is remembered ;-)

middle child said...

You are a fantastic mom!!!!! I know you must be really busy as you do have your hands full. But if you could take the time to write these things down in a notebook specificly one for eachchild, you can then present them as a gift when they are old enough. That does not mean when they are 18 or 21 or even 25. You will know when they are old enough to appreciate it.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

You are awesome and I'm sure they do remember these moments :)

Crystal Renee said...

This is an excellent post on a GREAT mother :)

Julia Hunter said...

Such a great list of things you want your kids to remember.

January Dawn said...

I often wonder about that too now that my eldest is four. The memories are beginning for him and it makes me excited and also very nervous. I wonder at night what he'll recall from that day 20, 30 years ago. I hope it's all the things you listed as well. You are a wonderful Mother. No doubt about it Helene.

Lisa said...

They will remember because you are such an amazing mama.

Samantha said...

You are an awesome Mother & I know this from reading your blog!! All of us mamas fear these same things...I know I do...and perhaps what I fear the most is Bree remembering me as a grouchy Mama. I'm trying to work on that...but the kid kinda gets on my nerves 95 percent of the time & she knows she's doing it too. She's a punk, I'm a punk...we're all punks.

Eva Gallant said...

I'm sure they will...you are a wonderful mother!

Catie said...

What a sweet post! I love this.

Nezzy said...

It may take them 'till they're adults but they will remember and then appreciate everything you did to make a wonderful life for 'em.

As a mother sweetie, you rock!!! (and I not just talkin' in the rocker) Heeehehehee!

God bless and have yourself an awesome kinda day!!! :o)

Emmy said...

Right there with you. Before I used to savor in the fact that I did i t remember much before age five- but two of my kids are there and older and so I worry as they are going to remember. I want their memories to be good and know that I truly love them.

Shell said...

It's the love- I hope they remember the love.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

My guess is that we moms we all have those same thoughts. I know it's something that's begun to enter my mind from time to time. My girls are three years and almost four months. I know I have memories from when I was their age.

Most of the time that's a really special thought, to realize they're old enough to begin to record some of the things we do.

But a little piece of me thinks, "Holy crap! That's a lot of pressure!" ;)

I also think about today's technology, and how that might "aid" (?) building memories. I thought my parents took tons of pictures [I was an only child, after all!], but I'm pretty sure I take as many pictures in a month as they did in a year. Interesting fodder, for sure...

But I can't end this [long!] comment without saying, I know you're a fantastic mom, Helene. A "real" mom...and a fantastic one. And I'm sure your kids will look back one day and agree...even though they might not 'fess up to it now. ;)

Heather said...

All such important things. And after having an evening where all I felt was tired and impatient it is a good reminder.

Treading Water in the Kiddie Pool said...

I always worry about how fickle kids' memories can be because I want them to remember all the wonderful times we have. But I think even if they don't remember the specifics, it's all wrapped up in there somewhere in their little brains and has become a part of who they are. Even if I'm the only one with the memory. Loved your post and look forward to reading more as I poke around your blog. 2 sets of twins! Ack!

irishtwinsmommababybook said...

You are great!!! The way you pour your heart here in your writing on your blog, you must be that much better in person. With that said, you are doing a great job!

But as putting the girls to bed, your writing screamed through my head.......even if you scream at them, always apologize. Thank you.

Barbara said...

Beautiful post. I hope my kids remember some of the good.

Jode said...

A lovely post Helene...i am sure they will remember all those things and more!

Twinpossible said...

You are a great mom. I hate thinking about being a 'meanie' like my parents were to me. In fact I make quite an effort to be the opposite of both my parents, especially my mother with whom I had no bond with, try as I might.

This sometimes backfires in that you can become more of a friend than a mother, and you may get less respect and such then we had cause I know I still fear my parents, but I try to find a balance there. I want to at least know I did the best that I could at the time. I had my children because I loved and wanted children. Not because it was the thing to do at the time as my mom openly admits to me.

I wipe a 6 year old poopy ass because quite frankly, she just doesn't do a good enough job on her own, lol. We don't need any funky funguses lurking in discreet body parts, though I hope this is not a memory she remembers most (HA HA.)

As much as my doctor told me I'd be rocking a 3 year old by spoling my little ones, and I actually rocked my 3rd until 4 and my arms gave out...I have no regrets. Maybe I got less sleep. maybe I created some bad habits that didn't let them soothe themselves as maybe they should have, but that is for OUR sake. I try and think about theirs, and my kids still have memories of my rocking them and the songs I sang.

My only memory of being held and sang to was from my grandmother who passed away at 10. Never my mother..NO WAY! I have really no memories of her until later years. Yes..I lived with her to. I just remember fighting, and my dad playing tennis and ball with us, but there wasn't any praise or love involved seemingly, so for that, I praise my children 100 fold!

Both the little things and the big things they will remember. I remember my grandma teaching me how to play I love coffee, I love tea on the organ and 30 years later I can still play it like I was 6 years old again. I want to be that mom and think I have been for the most part, where good memories have been formed, and though I'm far from perfect, I know I hold more memories in my mind and in my heart, and they will in theirs, then I had as a child, and that has been a MAJOR goal for me in life and in motherhood.

We all make mistakes, but they won't remember these. For where there is love and praise it erases the few and far between negative. When there is daily doses of the opposite...that is when trouble lurks, so believe you me..you are doing an AMAZING JOB!


Love you!

Shelly

http://www.twinpossible.com/blog

Natalie said...

Awww I know they will remember those moments!

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

This is why you have to brainwash them...if you don't all they'll remember at the terrible moments (like me and my siblings do)! You have to keep telling them about all the great shit you do so they don't fall back on all of the mess-ups! LOL...I fully intend on brainwashing!

Twins Squared said...

What a great post. i know - I always get sad at the end of the year and get all nostalgic too. But I never thought about what I would hope they would remember. I hope it's not me just yelling all the time. I feel like I just go from getting on to one kid to the next round the clock. Not any one kid is getting yelled at the whole time but as soon as one has been fussed at another is doing something and I worry that that's sometimes the only thing they hear coming out of my mouth! Hopefully my big girls will remember our bedtime chats. That seems to be the one time they want to talk about EVERYTHING!

Lisa said...

I hope they remember those things too! Not having kids of my own yet, I can tell you that as I child I remember saying mean and hurtful things to my mom - and that now I understand she really just had my best interest at heart. She wasn't trying to torture me like I thought :) My mom always said those were hard years when my siblings and I were a pain in the ass. But now that we've grown up, we are some of her best friends. I hope the years of pain are gone before you know it :)

Kim said...

My eldest recently turned 14, and I've been feeling a bit anxious as I realize that from now on out she's going to remember most everything—my yelling, my moods, my mistakes . . . I hope she'll also remember the good moments.

CrazyBabyTalk said...

One of my top favorites...

You hit the nail on the head with so many things :)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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