Time goes by quickly, so they say. The days are long but the years are short....yet another saying that rings true.
I'm deep in thought, wondering which childhood memories from this past school year, they will recall with fondness...which ones they will remember with sadness, perhaps even bitterness.
As a mother, I hope I'm doing right by them, even though I struggle every waking moment wondering if I'm merely creating more issues for them to discuss in future therapy sessions.
I want them to know that every decision I make on their behalf is made with a conscious effort to keep them safe, happy and responsible.
When they say I'm being mean or that they don't like me, I try to convince myself that must be because I'm doing something right; however, it still hurts...it strikes panic in my very core and makes me question everything I thought I knew.
What I hope my kids remember are these things....
- How much fun we had together
- All the hugs and kisses provided to them when they were hurt
- Eating breakfast for dinner and having dessert for breakfast
- Giving them the very last cookie in the package even though it's the one treat I'd been looking forward to all day long
- Wiping their poopy asses, even though they were perfectly capable of doing it themselves
- Rocking them to sleep, although they barely fit on my lap any longer
- Holding their hand as they puked
- Singing "Rainbow Connection" to them every single night before bed
- Gently pinching their butt cheeks incessantly
- Singing silly songs to them and dancing around the family room with glee
- Eating the cake batter straight from the bowl simply because we could
- That as often as I raised my voice to them, I always remembered to apologize
- Reading books together and making up crazy voices for all the characters
- Days filled with bowling, swimming, jumping rope, riding bikes, going on treasure hunts, seeking out earthworms after a rainy day, gardening, hopscotch, blowing bubbles, jumping on the trampoline, games of freeze tag and hide-n-seek, baking cookies and decorating cakes.....
- Lastly, I hope they remember how much they were loved and cherished...and still are, every single moment of every single day.