Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Supermom Fell in the Toilet

This guest post comes to you courtesy of Courtenay from Soup: Midwestern Mama Cooking Up Life in the Heartland.  You might recall I did a guest post a couple weeks ago for her series "The Moment a Mother is Born".

Courtenay describes herself as a happily married, working mama of two young kids, infant twins, two cats, a flock of chickens and one large dog.  Her blog, Soup: Midwestern Mama Cooking Up Life in the Heartland won the Best Humor Blog in the 2010 Scholastic Parent and Child Blog Awards.  

If you want to get in good with her, bring her some sushi, red wine and chocolate.  Or a really good book to read.

Now you can see why I absolutely adore Courtenay....sushi, red wine, chocolate and a really good book.  What's not to love?!

I hope you enjoy her post, Supermom Fell in the Toilet!!

Have you ever noticed that the universe has a way of putting you in your place at the very moment you least expect it (and, likely, most need it)?  That one minute you’re flying high and the next, you’ve flown right into a plate glass window, sliding down, down, down until you land in a crumpled heap in the landscaping, your feathers ruffled and your beak smarting?

I had one of those moments the other day.

You see, I take great pride in my ability to negotiate the tricky world of working part-time and parenting four young children (6, 4, and the twins are 1).  I know that I’m not always graceful, but that I haven’t yet managed to kill a child or flood the house and the one fire we had, I put out single-handedly.  I would never in a million years say that I am an expert (I’m not and I don’t play one on TV), but I generally feel competent.

It was the day after the twins’ one-year well-child checks – an appointment that I did solo because my hubby was working.  There were other extenuating circumstances that made the day one for the blog (so strange that writing a blog post is akin to putting a day in the record books, but it is nonetheless).

I had gotten up, showered, dressed and out of the house with my two older kids – yay for a good morning!  My routine is to walk them into the school, drop them at their respective classrooms, chat with their teachers for a minute and with anyone else who looks friendly in the elementary school hallway, and get on into work.  I secretly love this time of day because it is a tremendously ridiculous boost to my mom-ego.  Why?  My kids are happy to go to school, bright, and their teachers love them – thus, they love me.  I smile, offer to help, and thank them profusely for what they do for my kids.  What’s not to love?

Both teachers knew that the babies had just turned one and both of my kids had shared that they had shots the day before, so the teachers asked how my wee ones were doing.  I told a fabulous and humorous story about the doctor’s visit with a witty and urbane tagline, clearly testing out my stand-up chops on any poor soul who cared to listen about immunizations, screaming infants, and a blood test that sprung a leak, leaving one of my twins looking like a vampire baby after a good nosh.

Both teachers laughed knowingly, clearly enjoying my tale of woe.  My son’s teacher then uttered the words that most stoke my mom-ego (a perfect way to head into the office), “You are Supermom!  I just don’t know how you do it!”

This phrase must have started tickling the universe like a feather under the nose of a sleeping giant.

Now, upon waking I generally drink a large mug of coffee.  I use the bathroom before leaving home, but almost always have to use the restroom upon arriving at my office, too.  This particular morning was no exception.  As I headed from the parking lot on campus to my office, I ran into a co-worker who also asked how the babies’ appointments went.

I told an abbreviated and slightly less colorful version and tried not to do a squirming potty dance, silently wishing that doing Kegels was helpful after delivering four children vaginally (it isn’t).  I smiled cheerily and blathered a made-up excuse about needing to get to a meeting (with the bathroom) and scooted on into my building.

I didn’t even stop to put my things in my office, but glided into the bathroom quickly, closing the stall door and dropping trou in one swift movement, my purse still dangling from my elbow.

And that is the moment the sleeping giant of the universe succumbed to the tickling by issuing a very large sneeze my direction, because…

I felt my bum come into contact with cold, cold, COLD water.

My first thought, “I fit into the toilet, yay!”

My second thought, “I’m sitting in the toilet… in the TOILET!  ICK!”

I sprung out of the bowl, dropped the seat and completed my mission.  Then I dried my whole bum, remembering that the cleaning crew does the bathrooms every Sunday-Tuesday-Thursday, so the seat is left up on Monday-Wednesday-Friday and it was, in fact, Friday.

Oh, how the mighty Supermom has fallen… right into the toilet.  Yep… The universe clearly needed to remind me that, no matter how queenly I’m feeling, I must still check the throne before I sit down.

You can subscribe to Courtenay's blog HERE, like her blog on Facebook and follow her on Twitter.

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Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said...

Oh Miss Helene, thank ya so much for introducin' us to this amazin' supermom!!!

Guess it just goes to show ya, everyone's day goes into the toilet every now and again! Heeehehehe!

God bless ya wonderful Mamas and have an awesome day!!!

Now, where did I put my cape? :o)

angel shrout said...

Roflmbo.. As a mom to 3 boys I have had more then my share of late night'baths'..I feel for ya hun

IASoupMama said...

Thank you so much for inviting me to come play today, Helene!

And is it a bad thing that my first thought was, "I fit into a toilet!"

Thank you!

HoneyDame said...

LMAO!!!! U mothers are amazebalss!!! This is one pure, hilarious story. I
*wiping my eyes*

IASoupMama said...

Thank you for appreciating my humor! It's always better to laugh, right?

Rhiannon said...

HAHAHAHA!!! thats a great story!! Courtenay that was awsome thanks for sharing!

Eva Gallant said...

That was priceless! Loved it!

IASoupMama said...

Thank you again! Where would we be without laughter?

Kimberly said...

I am such a germaphobe that I would have cut my ass cheeks off right then and there.
Nice to meet you...

IASoupMama said...

nice to meet you, too! And I would have totally freaked had I not remembered that they clean the toilets and leave the seats up. if only I'd remembered before I tried to sit down...

Mercy D'souza said...

Hahah, that was funny. The stuff that only happens to moms.

vanita said...

OMG OMG OMG I'm with Kimberly. i still think you're a super duper mom, even with a toilet tush!

CrazyBabyTalk said...

This is toooo funny!!! I needed a good laugh :)

IASoupMama said...

Thank you again! I'm happy to spread the humor!

Tiffany said...

I am in tears reading this!! Love it!

Pamela Fagan Hutchins said...

I ran to your blog to see more of your writing after meeting you at Erin's, only to run to Helene's to read you here (now I still have read Helen, it's a busy afternoon, LOL). You are adorable, and I love that you have such a good sense of humor about the indignities of life.

Emmy said...

Lol! Yes nothing like the crapper to bring us down ;). Love it

IASoupMama said...

Oh, thank you Pamela! Sorry to make run in circles...

And, again -- thank you all. I'm glad that you all found the situation as hilarious and absurd as I did... Have a great weekend!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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