8 years ago today, I was laying in a hospital bed, bigger than a beached whale. Hooked up to all kinds of monitors, praying that our miracle babies stayed in my womb just a few more weeks...blah, blah, blah, blah.....
You all know how it goes.
Right about this time of year, I have to give Cole and Bella the play-by-play of all the events leading up to their birth at 32 weeks at 12:27 am and 12:29 am on October 2, 2004.
They always love to hear the story and each year I become a little more animated, based on the fact that they can understand more of the details now.
Basically, I make them feel guilty for what I had to go through to bring them into this world. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that they pretty much ruined my body.
Who said guilt isn't a beautiful thing?? Doesn't every mother want to hear her child finally apologize for turning her body into a scar-ridden, saggy-skinned milk machine??
Or maybe I'm the only one who's willing to admit that.
Regardless, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. There is no doubt in my mind.
Every 22-gauge needle in my ass was worth it. Every shot in my belly, all the Heparin bruises, all the ultrasounds, all the tests and procedures, the weeks of bed rest, all the magnesium sulfate and nifedipine....all the tears, heartache and grief....it was all worth it, a hundred times over.
Hell, even allowing perfect strangers to stare at my vagina was worth it.
Cole, you are my first born and my first love. I will never forget how tiny you were at 4 pounds, 8 ounces....bigger than your twin sister....but still so incredibly small. My heart grew larger that day, for sure...and it continues to grow and grow with each and every day that passes.
You have grown up so much over these last 8 years. Not only are you breathtakingly handsome, but you are intelligent, gifted in so many ways, creative and thoughtful. You can light up an entire room with your bright blue eyes and your wide smile. Your laughter is like no other sound I've ever heard and it makes my heart happy to hear it. While you are very sensitive and strive for perfection, you know that whatever you put your heart and soul into will be good enough.
May you continue to grow up and happy, healthy and strong. And I pray that your dreams always come true.
Bella, you are my only daughter and truly my best friend. At a mere 3 pounds, 6 ounces, you resembled a tiny doll when you were born. Your head fit in the palm of my hand and I will never forget how fragile you seemed. But even then, as I watched you take every single breath, I knew the days would come when we would enjoy pedicures together and long bike rides.
We love so many of the same things and that is what connects us. You have my sense of humor and my dark sarcasm. But you also have sass and attitude, even at 8 years old...which honestly frightens me because I know one day you'll be a teenager and it won't be as cute anymore.
You tell me all the time that I will always be your best friend and I pray that that statement always stays true. You are stunning to look at, with your curly blonde hair and sparkly green eyes....but you are also sensitive, thoughtful and so bright, so witty. Your self confidence blows me away and, to be honest, there are times when I'm envious and wish I could have even just 1/4 of your confidence and belief in myself.
My hope for you is that you always strive to reach your dreams and that you always believe in yourself.
Happy 8th birthday to both of you!! I love you both with all my heart and soul!! And I am blessed to be your mother!