The best rabbit in the world, except for that one little problem

A couple months ago, I went to the pet store to pick up a new filter for our fish tank.

And I came home with this adorable little bunny rabbit.

"Why yes, I am the cutest rabbit in the world, thank you very much."

The kids were thrilled.  Tim was not.  Such is life.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" the kids inquired.

I answered, "Well, the lady at the pet store said it's a girl."

Bella shouted, "So we need to come up with a pretty name for her!"

After much debating (or in more realistic terms....hair-pulling, screaming and spitting at one another), they came to the agreement that we would call our new bunny Summer.  Even though it was the middle of winter.

Personally, I liked the name Cinammon Buns but the kids deemed that the lamest name ever.

Almost immediately, Summer adapted to our family and all our chaos.  She spent her days running and leaping around the house, as well as tormenting our three cats (who were not exactly thrilled with the idea of a new pet but they tolerated her).

This sweet little bunny actually came in handy, much to my delight.

She took the kids for walks.

"Come on, kid.  Hustle, hustle!"

She licked my windows clean of dirty, greasy kid-sized hand prints.

"Yum...tastes like chocolate pudding."

She happily ate the leftovers that nobody wanted.

"Pizza....again?  Beggars can't be choosers, I suppose"

She would even alert me if one of the kids left the fridge open (while begging for a carrot).

"Did I miss the memo that electricity is free this week?"

However, as nature would have it, Summer eventually began humping everything in sight.  When she viciously dry-humped one of the kids' favorite stuffed animals, they began to ask questions ("why is Summer doing that?" and "is her belly really itchy or something?".

I couldn't hack it anymore so we decided to get Summer spayed.  You know, nip the issue in the bud.  Or, I guess you could say I was just too damn lazy to explain the whole birds and bees story to my kids.

So Tim dropped her off at the vet and the kids wished her good luck with her surgery.

After a few hours, our phone rang.

"Hi, this is Katie at Dr. Song's office.  I just wanted to let you know that you can pick up your bunny around 3:00 today," the vet's assistant spoke into the phone.

"Okay, I'll let my husband know.  How's Summer doing?" I asked.

She answered, "Uh, well....she's a he."

"What?  Are you sure?" I was stunned.

"Yes, we're sure.  We went to shave her...I mean, him...for the procedure and there are definitely boy parts there."

After a brief discussion, in which I repeated "are you sure?" approximately 18 times, I hung up with her and turned to Tim and the kids.

"Summer's a boy," I said.

The boys whooped it up and gave each other high-5's.  But not Bella.

No, instead, she broke down into heaping sobs....the kind of cry where snot runs freely down your face and into your mouth, you know THAT type of cry.

I gently rocked her in my arms and explained that I know how disappointed she's feeling but that Summer is still the same cute, adorable, fun-loving bunny she's been all along.

Bella faced me and cried, "But she has a penis!"

I pressed on, "Yeah, well, sure she...I mean, he...does.  But nothing else about him has changed. It's not that big of a deal, really."

"Not that big of a deal?," she argued with me.  "She has a penis!  A PENIS, Mommy!  I don't want a BOY rabbit, I wanted her to be a GIRL!"

I so badly wanted to tell my daughter that this wouldn't be the last time she'd find herself disappointed, frustrated or even sad over a penis.

I mean, honestly, when would I ever be able to come up with a more awesome line than that one.  But I choked it down and figured perhaps I can save it for that little mother-daughter talk we'll probably have one day when some asshole breaks her heart.

So I continued hugging and consoling her until she finally collapsed into my lap in a ball of exhaustion.

Weeks later, Bella still has difficulty remembering that Summer is now Ninja-Buns.  And then I have to remind her..."Remember, he's a boy, not a girl."

She always answers, "Oh yeah. I keep forgetting.  He is the best rabbit in the world, except for that one little problem. His penis."

It makes me laugh every single time. 

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